Death-Match 2008: James Bond versus Iron Man

James Bond will be going hed to head with Marvel Comics' Iron Man in cinemas, come May 2nd 2008. Variety reports that date has been selected for opening day of the as-yet untitled 22nd film in the Bond franchise. Previously, only one other film had been given a specific release date for 2008 - Iron Man. It'll be interesting to see who blinks first. My money's on Marvel. Iron Man is the company's first fully self-funded feature, so there's a lot fo stake, and the character is hardly known outside the comics industry. That was true of Blade, of course, but everybody knows what a vampire is, don't they? Iron Man's role as a techno-Batman is a tougher sell, IMHO.

Sony and MGM are obviously feeling pretty confident in Casino Royale. The 21st Bond movie doesn't open until this November, but the filmmakers have already contracted Daniel Craig to repeat his starring role as 007. No title for the 22nd Bond film has been announced yet. Having now exhausted all the titles Ian Fleming created for his novels, I suppose Eon could borrow from the Bond short stories. But most of these have already been pillaged, leaving only four original Fleming titles from which to choose. Come 2008, will the cinemas be featuring The Property of a Lady [I don't think so], Risico [probably not], Quantum of Solace [great title, but for a Bond film?] or The Hildebrand Rarity [well, maybe]. Call me old fashioned, but why not call the movie simply 007?

Fox Atomic Comics: Spilling the beans

Comic Book Resources has an interview with Fox Atomic Comics COO John Hegeman, talking about what the company has planned for the future. It's already commissioned Steve Niles to create a graphic novel that acts as a prequel for the forthcoming film 28 Weeks Later, and another adapting short stories by horror writer Thomas Ligotti, called The Nightmare Factory. Best news of all, FAC will be looking at submissions - a rare choice in US comics these days. No doubt they'll be swamped in seconds, so if you've a mind to hit them up for work, don't be tardy when the floodgates open. You can here the full interview here, but this extract describes what FAC is looking to publish:

Fox Atomic in general will be making horror, comedy and action movies - we'll be making all sorts of movies. When it comes to graphic novels, we'll probably be focusing on horror and thrillers. For no other reason than I think they're the ones that work the best and are the most fun to read and the audience for those are the most avid and we think we can build a strong relationship by leading with that focus.

Fox Atomic embraces graphic novels

According to Variety, the youth-oriented Fox Atomic film division 'has inked a partnership with HarperCollins to publish and distribute graphic novels under the Fox Atomic Comics banner. Up to four graphic novels are planned for release in 2007. Some titles will be tied to Fox Atomic theatrical releases, others will be based on original content.'

Atomic also announced its initial schedule of releases: Turistas on Dec. 1, The Hills Have Eyes 2 in March 2007 [gee, why didn't they call it The Hills Have 2 Eyes?] and the muc-anticipated sequel to 28 Days Later will reach US cinemas next May. 28 Weeks Later is directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo and picks up six months after the Rage virus has decimated London.

Good to see graphic novels being emrbaced as part of a vertical media strategy for film releases targeted at teenagers and young adults. Slowly but surely, the idea that comics don't simply have to be about men in tights and capes hurting each other is seeping out into the broader consciousness.

Princess Kudos Objectives go Wall to Wall?

Broadcast has an interesting article about the likelihood of mergers and/or acquisitions involving four rising stars among British TV's independent programme makers. The companies in play are: Kudos [makes of Life on Mars, Hustle, etc]; Princess [The Friday Night Project, The Wright Stuff]; Objective [Dirty Tricks, Peep Show]; and Wall to Wall [New Tricks, Who Do You Think You Are]. One or more of the companies will probably be swallowed by a super-indie before the end of the year, it seems. Alternatively, the quartet might band together under one umbrella, enabling them to attract greater capitalisation from outside sources than they would standing alone. The four companies had a collective turnover of more than £75 million last year, with Kudos the strongest of the bunch. Interesting times lay ahead for them all.

Then there's the fallout from the BBC's latest organisational upheaval, creating a handful of super-commissioners with much broader remits than commissioners had before. Will this streamline the process of getting green lights for new shows, or make the process even more cumbersome than before? One certainty is that personal relationships with the people holding the pursestrings at the Beeb will become even more crucial than before. Here's a diagram of the new structure, designed to make everything simple and obvious:

See? That's much clearer, isn't it?

Guilty Pleasures: why do you like what you like?

Essayist, programmer and programming language designer Paul Graham has some interesting things to say about how creative people get their start imitating others - and how that often leads them astray. [Thanks to Alex Epstein for the heads-up on this link.] You can read the whole piece here, but the following extract concerns the nature of guilty pleasures:

Another way to figure out what you like is to look at what you enjoy as guilty pleasures. Many things people like, especially if they're young and ambitious, they like largely for the feeling of virtue in liking them. 99% of people reading Ulysses are thinking "I'm reading Ulysses" as they do it. A guilty pleasure is at least a pure one. What do you read when you don't feel up to being virtuous? What kind of book do you read and feel sad that there's only half of it left, instead of being impressed that you're half way through? That's what you really like.

So, what are your guilty pleasures? What kind of novels do you pick up for comfort reading? I know someone with the complete works of Dick Francis, who'll happily re-read them over and over again. Me, I'm addicted to John Irving's The World According to Garp, and All the President's Men by Woodward and Bernstein. Stephen King's On Writing lives in the bathroom. Among graphic novels I'll happy savour Watchmen anytime - but always skip over the Tales of the Black Freighter sequences.

Severance: one bloody, funny trailer

There's a new British comedy horror film coming out in August, written by James Moran. [Visitors with long memories might recall a plug for his excellent blog The Pen is Mightier Than the Spork in recent weeks.] Severance is about a company outing that goes horribly, horribly wrong. The movie is, inevitably, going to be endlessly compared to Shaun of the Dead, the last British film to be intentionally funny and frightening in equal measure. Get a sneak preview of the madness, mirth and mayhem by watching the trailer. If you don't laugh at this, have a nurse check your pulse.

Little Britain stars: how much am I bid?

If British tabloid newspapers had a collective motto, it would be 'never let the facts get in the way of a good story'. Today they've gone all out to trump each other when it comes to disclosing how much the BBC will pay Little Britain stars to develop new material exclusively for the corporation. The Sun starts the bidding with £3 million each for the comic pair's three-year deal.The Daily Star and the Daily Mail call that a £6 million golden handcuffs contract. But the Daily Mirror outdoes the competition by claiming Walliams and Lucas will get £10 million from the deal. They can't all be right, can they?

Today's weather: Scorchio! Scorchio! Scorchio!

Frank Miller to helm film of Eisner's The Spirit

Variety reports that comics creator Frank Miller has been chosen to adapt and direct The Spirit, a feature film based on the legendary strip by Will Eisner. It tells the story of a masked detective believed to be dead, who fights crime in the dark shadows of Central City, using a mausoleum as his base of operations.

'First I said I can't do this and then I said I can't let anybody else touch it,' Miller told Variety. 'I intend to be extremely faithful to the heart and soul of the material, but it won't be nostalgic. It will be much scarier than people expect.' He said his treatment consists largely of panels from The Spirit strip. The project was offered to various studios, but they wanted The Spirit in spandex, not a suit and tie.

This is not the comic book creator's first film project. Miller co-directed Sin City with Robert Rodriguez, adapting his own graphic novels. The pair are currently prepping Sin City 2, while a feature based on Miller's graphic novel 300 is being made by Warner Brothers for a Spring 2007 release.

Scritti Politti nominated for the Mercury Prize

Every year twelve albums are shortlisted for the Mercury Prize, a prestigious and frequently controversial quest for the best British album of the moment. Winners have ranged from the sublime [Primal SCream] to the ridiculous [M People, anybody?], and the variety of choices in any given year sprawls across most known genres of music.

The winner gets a cash prize of £20,000 [not to be sniffed at], but also gets a massive sales boost from the exposure. For more obscure winners, like 2005's Antony and the Johnson's, the Mercury can see their sales surge by close to 1000%. Best of luck to Scritti Politti, though I don't fancy the chances of White Bread, Black Beer winning. Media pundits are tipping the Arctic Monkeys or Radiohead frotnman Thom Yorke's albums as likely winners. Personally, I think This Is My Demo by Sway might win.

In the meantime, it's only 19 days until I go to see Scritti performing live in Edinburgh. Never thought that'd happen!

2000 AD's tribute to Tom Frame

I'm sure 2000 AD won't mind too much if I reprint in full the text of an online tribute to the late, great letterer, Tom Frame. I've little doubt a future prog will mark the death of this great, unsung hero of British comics. Meanwhile, here's the text:

TOM FRAME 1931-2006

Everyone here at the Nerve Centre will miss Tom terribly. His contribution to 2000 AD spans over two and a half decades, not including his work on the Megazine and sundry other titles, and he was as much a part of the comic as its characters.

Always friendly and professional, Tom's great talent for lettering ensured that every strip his work appeared on was always an effortless pleasure to read. Although letterers are rarely praised, their contribution remains invaluable, and proves that comics is a collaborative medium, each component part essential to the construction of the story. Tom always made sure that his lettering aided the storytelling, never hindered it.

Our condolences go out to his family. If anyone wishes to make a donation to the Marie Curie charity, they can do so here:

Summer in Scotland, winter in NZ

Scotland is having its fourth hot, scorching day in succession - this'll be summer. Enjoy the brilliant blue skies and glorious sunshine while it lasts. Meanwhile, my sister Annaliese sent me these pictures to show what winter is like in New Zealand.

Crafty TV Writing: useful, funny, best for North American scribes

Spent a luxurious hour in the bath yesterday finishing Alex Epstein's new book, CRAFTY TV WRITING: Thinking Inside the Box. The tome is subtitled 'A professional TV writer's real-world guide to getting paid to write great television' and that's pretty accurate. As noted by UK scribe Lee Thomson on his blog The Light, It Hurts, large chunks of the text are simply not relevant to wannabe writers who live outside North America. Epstein's experiences and insights into cracking the US and Canadian TV writing market are fascinating to read, but not much use for people in other countries. Well, unless you plan on moving to Los Angeles or Toronto, you brave souls.

But there is much about the book that's useful, it's all entertaining and Epstein writes with am ease and grace that makes the most complex concepts digestible. Rest assured, you're not simply buying one man's philosophy of screenwriting, as often happens with some tomes [particularly film writing books]. The author peppers his text with pertinent quotes from other industry professionals, agents and story editors and producers as well as many, many scribes.

There are two sections I'm going to pick out, for different reasons. In Moving Up the Food Chain, Epstein writes about how to run a writing room. Frankly, the advice he gives is applicable to almost anybody who has to manage other people - in a creative industry or otherwise. I'll keep this first extract down to the bullet points, in the interests of brevity. [If you don't work with writers, simply substitute the words staff for writers and task for script in what follows.]

• Always Start with Praise. If you can't praise the execution, praise the effort.
• Keep Responsibilities Clear. Make sure it's always clear who's working on which script.
• Keep Your Staff Working. Make sure everybody has something to work on.
• Try to Let Your Writers Do Their Work. Only take a script away from someone if he's really not going to be able to do the job in time.
• Work Toward the Long Term. Remember that show business is small, and how you treat people less powerful than you is how you'll be treated when you need a break later on.
• Pace Yourself. If you're so stressed that you're not having a life outside of work, you're probably working too many hours.
• Keep Up Discipline, but Don't Embarrass Anyone. Never tell off a writer [or anyone else for that matter] in front of other people.
• Don't Hog the Vision. Make sure everyone knows the vision you're trying to put on screen.

It's amazing how much of that is applicable to all the work environments I've ever been in, from washing dishes in a Latin American cafe to managing a hundred freelancers and a creative budget in excess of half a million pounds.

The other piece I wanted to extract is less profound, but I found it funny. Epstein is describing how TV writers often put what the characters are thinking into a script's action description, as a kind of shorthand. Here's the book's example:

JACK
Hey, I call the other night...

Oh, my God. He knows! Jill tries to cover:

JILL
Yeah, I accidentally kicked the plug out. I'm such a klutz.

Here's how Epstein follows that extract: Telling us what the character is thinking also puts the reader more into the character's point of view. The episode will read better. You have to be careful with this tool, though, and never use it for evil.

All in all, I recommend CRAFTY TV WRITING for all would-be TV scribes, but where you live will impact how useful the book is to you as a whole. It's published by Owl Books in the US and is available from Amazon.com. Apparently it'll reach the UK on August 10th, but you can pre-order it from Amazon.co.uk.

How will Martha Jones fit into Doctor Who?

WARNING: This posting contains spoilers for series two of Doctor Who! Right, on we go. It's been announced that Freema Agyeman will join the TARDIS for the third series of Doctor Who, to be broadcast next year on BBC1. The new companion is called Martha Jones and I know absolutely nothing more about her beyond that. Everything that follows is merely speculation, okay? Good.

We've just said goodbye to Rose Tyler, the Doctor's council estate companion, plucked from contemporary Earth. Her time in TARDIS also gave the show an extended family, with Rose's mum Jackie, sometime boyfriend Mickey and often dead dad Pete. All of this grounded the show in the here and now, procuring massive audience identification and helping create a family audience for the Doctor's adventures. With a contemporary companion, taking Rose into past or future gave everything a novelty, a freshness.

The question now is how will the new companion affect that dynamic of the show? Will Martha be cut from much the same cloth as Rose, or will the programme makers opt for something more radical? Perhaps Martha will be all ASBOs and attitude, an angry young woman searching for her place in the universe. Perhaps she'll be plucked from the past, so bringing her to contemporary Earth [well, Cardiff, for the most part] will make the commonplace seem new to the viewer, seeing it afresh through Martha's eyes. The same effect could be achieved by having her come from humanity's future, or from another planet - perhaps an Earth colony of tomorrow.

In its first incarnation, Doctor Who ran for 26 years on British TV. During that time, the Doctor's companions were mostly required to ask questions that elicited exposition or fall into jeopardy. The best companions stood out because of their particular qualities. Sarah Jane Smith was an investigative journalist and proto-feminist of sorts, who stood up for herself while asking impertinent questions. Leela was a savage from a human colony, who underwent a Pygmalion-esque transition. Romana was a Time Lady, making her the Doctor's equal - and sometimes his superior. Ace was a troubled London teenager who wanted to escape. More recently, Rose was a bored young woman from Londonn who wanted to escape, but still loved her family - a softened, more nuanced progression of Ace.

So, will Martha Jones resemble any of these past companions, or will she be something entirely fresh and different? What do you think?

He Ain't a Heavy, He's a Brother

After the sad news about Tom Frame [see previous post, below], I figure we could all do with some cheering up. so, here's the perfect antidote to those I Don't Like Monday Blues, courtesy of YouTube [and Paul Cornell for pointing out the link]: Nine minutes of Star Wars with all of Darth Vader's dialogue replaced with lines spoken by James Earl Jones in other movies. It's bloody funny, and recasts Vader as a lone groover, babbling about things nobody else understands. By the end, you're on his side, believing the galaxy would be a better place if we all appreciated baseball and the early works of Billy Joel. No, really. check out for yourself...



In other news, I've now officially been commissioned for my first Warhammer novel by Black Library. The Games Workshop omerta forbids me from divulging any details, but the book is due out next year and should be a right riveting read.

The postman has just delivered stats of Colin MacNeil's art for Fiends of the Eastern Front: Stalingrad #6. Stunning stuff, even on these murky copies. You gotta love it when an artist takes a scene you imagined in your head and transform that into something far, far better. Hey, anything that improves my writing is fine by me.

Woke up expectig to be incapable of movement after a long afternoon playing cricket yesterday, but am only a bit stiff of muscle and tendon. The Biggar Cricket Club senior team was playing Selkirk at Selkirk on a scorchingly hot day. Selkirk batted first and hit 209 off 40 overs, aided by my usual bumbling efforts in the field. I can't run that fast and can't throw for toffee, but always seem to end up on the boundary. I suspect I need new glasses, as I'm not picking up the flight of the ball as quickly as I'd like, either. Bowled three overs [with only one embarrassingly punk delivery included], but went for 26 runs - far too expensive. The batsmen were hitting it in the air, but never close enough to get caught, or edging it past the 'keeper. Despite that, I was pretty happy with my bowling.

Alas, my dismal run with the bat continues. I planned to block the first over, and have a go at any bad balls. The first delivery was down the leg side, so I left it. By this stage there were a handful of overs left and we were still in with a longshot chance of snatching a victory. My partner shouted at me to have a go at everything. I duly had a go at the second delivery and edged it on to my stumps. Pathetic. If I could get some batting practice or some coaching, I might work my way up to useless, or even not abjectedly awful. But facing two deliveries a week is not doing the job - much like my batting at the moment.

Despite my feeble contribution, the match turned into a thriller. Man of the match Gary carried his bat through the innings, scoring a mammoth 147 not out in our total of 206 for 9. When the last ball was bowled, he needed to hit a four to win the match for Biggar and reach his 150. Alas, it only brought a single and Selkirk triumphed. It's rare that a Sunday afternoon social game of cricket turns into such a nailbiter, and a shame Gary couldn't pull off a miracle, but he did the team proud. We played in good spirits, not taking too seriously and keeping a smile on our faces, even in defeat. If only all teams approached the game with the same attitude...

Right, enough wittering. Today work begins in earnest on THRILL-POWER OVERLOAD: The History of 2000 AD. In 2002 and 2003 I wrote a series of articles for the Judge Dredd Megazine, detailing the life and times of the Galaxy's Greatest Comic. I'm now revising, updating and enhancing that 85,000 words into a 120,000 word for publication next February to coincide with 2000 AD's 30th anniversary. I'm still interviewing people for the book, but need to make a start on the manuscript.

Peter Milligan has promised he'll find a space in his insanely busy schedule to talk about his mighty contributions to the comics, such as Bad Company and Hewligan's Haircut. Hilary Robinson has already supplied with the story of how she came to be writing half the comic in the late 80s, and retained the copyright on her creations. I'm hopeful of tapping the memories of early editorial team members Colin Wyatt and Roy Preston, while current editor Matt Smith has promised to talk about his tenure.

There's a handful of contributors who remain missing in action: Tom Tully, Alan Hebden and Michael Fleischer have all escaped me thus far. Anybody who knows their contact details, feel free to contact me via the comments section on this blog.

Rest in Peace, Tom Frame

I'm immensely saddened to report the death of legendary 2000 AD letterer Tom Frame, claimed by cancer. I worked with Tom for twelve years, on both the Judge Dredd Megazine and 2000 AD. His lettering was as much a part of Dredd as the future lawman's badge or gun. Tom took a great deal of care with and pride in his work, and rightly so. But he wasn't just a letterer.

For a long time in the early 80s Tom coloured the covers and centre-spread of 2000 AD, making the most of the primitive printing facilities used on the weekly. If you ever needed a living embodiment of curmudgeon, Tom was it - but he was kind-hearted grouch, with a face that spoke volumes about a life well lived. He was a demon on the pool table, frustrating his opponents and smiling at their misfortunes. But most of all he was an exemplary professional who cared about telling stories and always strove to do his best, even if he did leave the occasional set of artwork in a curry house after a long night's drinking!

The world is that little bit poorer for his death, and British comics will never be the same now that Tom's gone. Rest in peace.

Anybody who wishes to make a donation to Cancer Research, can do so online by going here.

I say, chaps, it's the Three-Trousered Limbo!

The Chap Olympics is an annual event is hosted by Chaps Magazine - the bible for traditional gentlemen who are against the vulgarity of modern culture. The opening ceremony includes the lighting of the Olympic pipe. These events are for the immaculate of trouser, the frail of form and the fearful of sport. It celebrates panache rather than athleticism. In the Bounders discipline chaps approach a lady, behave like cads and the one who is slapped hardest around the face wins. In the three-trousered limbo pairs share enormous trousers, run to a limbo pole and try to go under it. The trousers must remain at a discreet level, with points deducted for underwear revelation. See more of this madness here.

Mind the chandelier, Hasselhoff!

Be prepared to stab your eyes out with a needle after watching this.

Blimey, this looks good.

The Prestige, the next film from Christopher Nolan, director of Batman Begins, the Insomnia remake and Memento. Stonking trailer - bring on the movie!

Leia Your Love On Me

I challenge anybody to watch this and make it to the end. The first two minutes are merely bemusing, but the stomach-churning, belief-beggaring, mind-swiping madness soon takes over. And then Princess Leia starts singing.

Oh. My. Grud.

Yes, folks, it's the legendary Star Wars Holiday Special. I think this is what the Empire used to torture captives on the Death Star.

Design trash, functioning pancreas and somesuch

Among the many joys of SiteMeter is it lets you see the referring pages that led visitors to your blog. So, when routine bites hard and ambition is low, I go visiting. Today I found myself in a wild variety of strang eplaces. The image above is borrowed from this blog, and seems to be a rejected T-shirt design. Shame, as I kinda like it.

Other blogs I wandered across this morning: Ang-ang, the diary of a fashion model wannabe in the Philippines whose top three goals are 1. No more laziness 2. No more w**king and 3. Exercise regularly; and The Art of J. Pagan, where the groovy picture below originates. All these talented people, all detailing their progress in public. It's like the people of the world pasted pages from their journals in the sky. Or somesuch.

Can multiple scribes write a single vision film?

There's an interesting interview on the Writers' Guild of America West site with Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, writers of numerous hit films including Shrek and Pirates of the Caribbean [read the whole thing here]. Towards the end they talk about the emergence of a TV-style writers' room approach to developing film screenplays:

Terry Rossio: There's a trend, I want to call it the Pixar model. The WGA especially has promoted the idea of trying to have one writer, or limiting the number of writers on a movie, [but] you look at Pixar films, and they'll have four writers on a movie. They have a process up there of having multiple talents on a movie, almost like a think tank.

I think in the past there were these brilliant directors who held the whole movie in their head and brilliant writers who could conceive of a whole world full-blown. Maybe there aren't as many of those talents around, and in order to satisfy that need for blockbusters, we will be gravitating toward more of a team approach, when needed.

And there's obviously a difference between multiple rewrites down the line versus working as a team from the start...

Terry Rossio: There's a difference, but the effect is the same. It is actually legit to have a singular-vision movie that multiple writers worked on.

Ted Elliot: If writers end up in a situation of serial collaboration, there are two ways to do it: one at a time, without any interaction, which is the feature model, or to presume serial collaboration where needed from the start, which is the staff model of television.

Terry Rossio: And animation.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

By the way, if you haven't already seen it, check out Ted and Terry's wonderful site about screenwriting. The section called Columns is particularly useful, both funny and full of great tips.

More WhoTube madness

A nifty music video cut together from new Who's series one, set to Pink's Who Knew.

And here's a tearjerker. .

And here's Doctor Who done Benny Hill stylee:

Girls Aloud versus Doctor Who. No, really.

In case you haven't already seen this, some scamp has cut together footage from Doctor Who with the Girls Aloud video for Jump. Brilliantly done, even if you can't abide Girls Aloud.

Random media bulletins

Hugh Laurie is getting a big, fat pay rise to stay with hit US TV series, House. Variety reports that the British actor 'will pull down more than $275,000 [about £150,000] per episode next season as part of a just-renegotiated contract with producer NBC Universal Television Studio'. That's £3.3 million pounds for 22 episodes, fact-fans. Glad to see Hugh making a bob or two being snide in an American accent. Just been re-watching season one of House on DVD. Trust me, if you've never seen the show, Laurie [and the writing of his character] is the difference between House being entertaining and not.

* * * * *

HBO is preparing for life after The Sopranos. David Chase's sublime mob family drama is slowing edging towards its final hit, potentially leaving a big hole in the cable network's schedules. But HBO is preparing for that future, yesterday announcing plans for two new series from the makers of Six Feet Under and Deadwood.

SFU creator Alan Ball is readying True Blood, a vampire series he's been developing for the best part of a year. Meanwhile Deadwood supremo David Milch is the person behind John From Cincinatti, a surfing drama set in Hawaii. Both are expected on screen towards the end of 2007. Alas, it was the onsert of Milch's new show that precipitated the imminent demise of Deadwood. All I can say is, John From Cincinatti better be damned good, otherwise this qualifies as a bad, bad trade.

* * * * *

Last night's British TV featured two new dramas, both starting at the same time on different channels. BBC2 had a one-off, 90-minute thriller called Soundproof, while ITV launched a more whimsical series called Jane Hall. I watched Soundproof and recorded Jane Hall as my lunchtime viewing for today. Rather than waste my lunch hour surfing the net, I try to watch an hour of drama I've previously recorded or a special feature from a DVD set detailing the development process of a TV series or film. That way I feel I'm not wasting the hour I spend away from the computer.

Soundproof was an intriguing murder mystery that kept me guessing until the end. If I had to write the logline for the show, I guess it would go something like this: A sign language interpreter and a deaf man become lovers when she helps the police interview him after his flatmate dies. When the deaf man is accused of murder, the interpreter doesn't know what to believe or who to trust. The show was intelligently made, telling a gripping story while offering non-deaf people an insight into what life without hearing. [It showed me how blithely I accept my own hearing. For example, I'd never thought what a boon texting must be for deaf people, how much it must have helped their lives to be able to communicate so quickly with friends in other places.]

Joe Fisher's script was compelling, as were the performers, and the show looked more cinematic than most TV. There was a wonderful moment towards the end where the two leads are talking near the raised embankment of a railway line. As the man storms off, a dark cloud fell across the scene, subtlely underlining the moment. Serendipity, or did the crew stand outside for hours trying to capture that image?

Two of the programme's greatest strengths were its score and sound design. The music was lovely, mournful and touching - wish I knew who'd composed it, but can't find a full list of credits on line. Even better was the sound design, using noises to create the impression of what it is to be profoundly hearing impaired. I guess I should be grateful I've got good enough hearing to appreciate the music and sound design...

* * * * *

Virgin Comics has signed film director John Woo and former 2000 AD comics scribe Garth Ennis to create a series called Seven Brothers. It's the story of seven siblings who leave China and settle on different continents. Half a millennia later, their descendants must unite to battle a global threat. But the bloodlien of the seven brothers has been much changed over the intervening centuries, creating an unlikely alliance. Seven Brothers is due out in October. Can a film version be far away? Congratulations on Garth for this deal, he's a huge movie buff. Now, if only he could get the rights from Peter Jackson for that Bad Taste sequel Garth's long wanted to write.

* * * * *

While I was watching Soundproof on BBC2 and recording Jane Hall from ITV, Channel 5 was showing the 1995 film of Judge Dredd. Our Channel 5 reception is next to non-existent, so watching the film was never an option. Besides, I've seen it as least a dozen times by now and once more wouldn't change my opinion of it much, I suspect.

The biggest surprise has to be how it's rating in the Radio Times has improved over the years. The movie now gets four stars out of five. According to the Radio Times, that means Judge Dredd is on the same level as such films as Cool Hand Luke, Scent of a Woman, Play Misty For Me, The Thin Man and Blood Simple. I wonder what director Danny Cannon would make of that?

Joining the Writers' Guild

So, I've applied to the Writers' Guild of Great Britain for student membership. All you need is twenty quid and a letter from the college at which you're studying that proves you're undertaking significant, academic studies in screenwriting. Napier University kindly supplied the letter and my overdraft did the rest.

Organisations like the WGGB make important breakthroughs that benefit the careers of all writers, not just members, such as negotiating minimum terms and conditions with massive corporations like the BBC. (The Society of Authors does similar good work on behalf of published writers. By comparison, the Crime Writers' Association is more of a social animal.) I believe unions and guilds are a good thing. If you're a writer, support your guild - it supports you! End of sermon.

Crafty TV Writing and other treats

So the postman left me a note to say my shipment from Amazon.com was awaiting me at the local sorting office, because I owed ten quid to customs for importing DVDs. sometimes they'll sting you for importing DVDs, sometimes they don't - seems entirely random. So I trooped down the road and collected my care package from across the Atlantic. Inside was a copy of Alex Epstein's CRAFTY TV WRITING: Thinking Inside the Box [not Thinging Inside the Box, as my Freudian-slip laden fingers just tried to type - that would be a very different kind of book, I suspect]. Already torn through the first 30 pages and the book's as intelligent, witty and droll as Alex's blog about screenwriting, Complications Ensue.

Obviously, some of the advice won't translate to Britain. In America it's commonplace to write a spec script of an existing show to get yourself noticed. In the UK that's not done. Instead, if you want to get a job on a show writing other people's characters, you're expected to write an utterly original script. That hopefully shows you've got talent and you're own voice. Then you might get to write somebody else's characters on somebody else's show, subsuming your voice to the show's voice. Strange but true, it seems. Still, looking forward to reading the rest of the book.

Also in the box was the Region 1 DVD release of Deadwood Season 2. Now, these episodes were already available as Region 2 release, but without the extras on the Region 1 release, so I've been patiently waiting for the US version. Now it's here at last. All the mother****ing swearing and people calling each other ****suckers you could possibly want, along with some of the best TV drama being created today. Classy stuff, once you get past Calamity Jane calling everybody ****s. Doris Day would never talk like that, would she?

Classic 2000 AD t-shirts: groovy as ****

2000 AD is launching a range of t-shirts, featuring classic characters in groovy new designs. Let your inner geek fly and be free!

British TV drama: a fistful of new shows

The latest Radio Times details a clutch of new British TV dramas starting in the next week or so. In fact, there's one beginning tonight on ITV: Jane Hall by Sally Wainwright, creator of At Home With the Braitwaites and a forthcoming series called The Amazing Mrs Pritchard [produced by indie of the moment Kudos, IIRC]. The concept of a drama about a young woman coming to drive buses in London may not sound scintillating, but what I've seen of Wainwright's past work suggests this'll be quirky and fun. It's nice to see fresh drama on TV during the summer, a season that in the past has been typified by wall to wall repeats, reality shows and sports events. Well, at least the amount of repeats is in remission.

On Sunday the BBC brings back moody forensic thriller Silent Witness, much augmented by the addition of Emilia Fox to the cast - if only her character wasn't such a drip. Before that on Sunday is The Chase, a 'frothy new drama' by Kay Mellow set in a market town veterinary practice. All the promos have been screaming THIS IS FOR WOMEN, MEN STAY AWAY but I might give it a chance if we've finished watching season 2 of Deadwood on DVD by then. Over on ITV Where the Heart Is returns for its [insert impossibly large number here] series. Normally, you'd expect it to be on at 8pm in the Heartbeat slot, but the presence of Ant and Dec's Pokerface finale there means Where the Heart Is gets bumped to nine - an incongruous hour for such a gentle drama.

The Inspector Lynley Mysteries returns to the BBC next week, although what day it's on depends where you live - I think it's Tuesday in Scotland and Thursday in the rest of the UK, while postman drama Sorted is Thursday in Scotland and Wednesday everywhere else - or is it Tuesday? Argh. Regional variations do my head in. Anyway, Inspector Lynley features mismatched partners solving telegenic murders.

Sorted is a drama about men. Postmen. Creator Danieal Brocklehurst says in the Radio Times his show is 'all about demonstrating different aspects of contemporary masculinity'. He also feels men is a sector of society is rather under-represented in TV ensemble cast productions. 'A lot of topics aren't fashionable, but they're real problems that real people face.' Hmm. Gotta say, the trailers for this make it look... less than brilliant. Again, not on my must-see-at-all-costs list for next week.

Plus there's female prison drama Bad Girls, a repeat of Taggart, The Bill and all the soaps you can stand. Oh, and buried in Channel 4's schedule is Sugar Rush. I could be wrong, but aside from Hollyoaks I think Sugar Rush is the only new British drama on Channel 4 at night next week...

Amazing what can be achieved when necessary

Two years ago I was writing a novel called Nikolai Dante: The Strangelove Gambit, based on the popular swashbuckling rogue from weekly British comic 2000 AD. Publisher Black Flame was expecting a 70,000 word manuscript, I had ten days left until my deadline and only 35,000 words already written. So, what did I do? Went south to visit the in-laws for the weekend, staying in a very nice B&B at Pangbourne. It's a lovely village and came in handy when I was plotting a Sarah Jane Smith audio drama the following year, but that's not entirely relevant. Or, indeed, at all.

So, come Monday morning I had seven days left and a minimum of 35,000 words to write. IIRC, I was endeavouring to lose three stone in weight that summer [successfully, to my surprise], so I stopped working at four every afternoon to exercise for half an hour and take a bath. I like to start work at the top of the hour, so had to begin at 9am or risk losing an hour to my stupid, irrational superstition. In total that left me with seven working hours a day, with lunch to be squeezed into that time. I try to keep office hours and not work at weekends - working from home makes it all too easy for your profession to seep outwards and consume your personal life. Being disciplined about keeping office hours [and getting work done in that time] stops me feeling guilty for not working the rest of the time when I'm at home.

So, seven hours a day and five days to produce at least 35,000 words - not to mention giving them a good cut and polish at some point during the following Monday. Not easy, but theoretically possible, I thought. In the past I'd produced 7000 words of fiction in a day, usually when thrashing my way to the end of a novel and the momentum of my story was carrying me forwards like a wave tossing a toddler towards a beach. But there were a couple of other factors in play...

It was July and - unusually for Scotland - summer had arrived. That week was a scorcher: blistering sunshine, searing heat, hot, hot, hot, hot and hot. No problems, you say. Put on a pair of shorts, open a few windows, drink plenty of liquids. Of course, that's what I did. But then I couldn't shut the windows, because the outside of the house was being painted by two men in a cherry picker, its engine chugging away noisily outside my office all bloody day. Get some earplugs, you say, put on some music, block them out. Of course, that's what I tried to do.

But the ambient noise of the cherry picker's chugging engine was already being overwhelmed by the fact a dozen men from the local council had chosen that week to dig up the pavement outside the house. Now, I live in a rural town, not much bigger than a village [but larger than both a hamlet and a break basket]. A car drives past about once every ten minutes. I can tell when a tactor's going by thirty seconds before it does, so slight is the amount of noise round here. Visitors from London complain the dawn chorus of birds is too noisy - but they've never heard the dawn chorus before, due to the quiet cacophony that is like in London.

So, blistering heat, chugging cherry picker engine, jackhammers and a road crew, all conspiring to dissuade me from trying to meet my deadline. Despite all of that, I wrote seven thousand words a day for five days in a row. I took Saturday off, came up with another few thousand words on Sunday morning and then sub-edited the whole novel by 4 on Monday afternoon. The book was delivered on time and is probably one of my better efforts. [Honour Be Damned is my favourite of the Dante novels, because I'd gotten a good handle on the charcters. Plus, how can you go wrong writing a story that effectively retells The 39 Steps with Han Solo and Emma Peel in the lead roles? You can't, it's that simple.]

You know that bit in Back to the Future where Doc Brown keeps saying you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it? He's right. It can be bloody hard work and requires a lot of teeth-gritting determination, but you can do it. And the moral of that anecdote? It's time to knuckle down and do some work. Onwards!

Recommended: The Pen is Mightier Than the Spork

Another UK screenwriter's blog well worth checking out: The Pen is Mightier Than the Spork.

For moments like these you need Mentees

I think it's now safe to reveal I've been selected by the Scottish Book Trust's words@work scheme as one of three would-be screenwriters to be mentored. Starting in August Adrian Mead will be providing professional guidance for nine months to a trio of scribes all looking to make their mark writing drama for the screen. He knows what he's talking about, having written and directed a feature [Night People], several short films, and contributed scripts to several TV series including Holby City, The Last Detective and Where the Heart Is.

Adrian was a revelation when he came along to the MA screenwriting course at Edinburgh's Napier University last year with his production partner Clare Kerr. the pair were positive, encouraging and full of useful, relevant advice. I've since been to two of Adrian's one-day seminars in Edinburgh and can't recommend them highly enough. When I read about the words@work mentoring scheme, I put myself forward for it and rather cheekily suggested Adrian as a potential mentor. Happily, he's found a way in his busy schedule to mentor not one, but three scribes hungry for help and knowledge.

Still not quite sure how I talked my way into this scheme, especially after reading about the other two mentees Adrian will be guiding. Isabel Wright's been a professional playwright since 1998, with Scottish and British theatre companies including the Traverse, Boilerhouse, Frantic Assembly and 7-84. Now moving into writing for film, TV and radio, Isabel's short film script Vows was shortlisted for the BBC's Brief Encounter scheme. Heather Day's been a TV producer on factual and entertainment shows for more than ten years, but is now pursuing a career in writing TV drama. She was shortlisted in last year's Cineworks short film scheme and is one of 12 to have won through in this year's Digicult short film scheme.

Me? I've had one radio play broadcast, 16 novels and 14 hours of audio drama published, and have been making a living from writing and editing for 21 years. The vast majority of my creative writing has been with other people's characters, but that's probably an advantage - few people trying to crack TV drama get to work exclusively with their own characters at first. You require originality and a voice of your own to break in, but to make a living it seems you need the ability to write for characters created by other scribes.

The prospect of being mentored is both exciting and scary. Have I got the talent to make a living from this industry? Guess I'll find out over the next nine months.

Batman makes a Hullabaloo dance

A bizarre moment from the 60s, as dancers on the show Hullabaloo perform to the theme tune from the Batman TV series. No, I don't know why they did this, either. Nor why the woman with the warbling voice at the start calls perma-tanned celeb George Hamilton Daddy Warbucks. And it's not like they're even attempting the Batusi. The whole thing is just... odd.

Gary Russell departs Big Finish

The Big Finish website reports that Gary Russell is stepping down from his role as producer of Doctor Who audio adventures after eight years. Nicholas Briggs is assuming creative responsibility for the range as Executive Producer, while Sharon Gosling is taking on administrative and organisational responsibility for all of Big Finish's output. Gary will continue directing audio dramas for the company.

The new TV series of Doctor Who may attract all the publicity these days, but it was largely Big Finish that kept the programme alive in recent years - and Gary Russell was a massive part of that. He produced, directed and script-edited the vast majority of Big Finish's output, giving numerous writers their first professional credit and employed literally hundreds of actors. I know my own writing has improved significantly as a consequence of scripting Big Finish projects, although I only got to work with Gary on one story, Sarah Jane Smith: Test of Nerve. But many of the best things about that story are due to Gary, such as the subtle yet perfect title.

Best of luck on whatever you do next, Gary!

Alternate ending for Doctor Who: Doomsday

A cheap laugh to be had here, featuring the ending the BBC didn't use for series two of new Doctor Who. WARNING! May contain spoilers! [Don't wish to be an inconsiderate **** two days running.]

Zidane = Mean Machine

For those of you who don't read 2000 AD [shame on you!] or didn't see the Judge Dredd film starring Sylvester Stallone [insert your own commentary here], there's a long-running character who head-butts his enemies. Mean Machine Angel even has a dial on his head, controlling his anger via four settings: 1 is Mean, 2 for Surly, 3 equals Vicious and 4 begets Brutal. Judging by last night's World Cup action, Zidane was set to at least a 3. [At least he didn't get his dial set on 4.5, as sometimes happens to Mean - that would have sent the French footballer into an uncontrollable butt-frenzy.]

Who. Torchwood. Survivors next?

According to The Guardian newspaper's media website, the BBC is negotiating with the estate of Dalek creator Terry Nation to revive his 1970s TV series Survivors:

The BBC has confirmed it is in talks with the estate of Mr Nation about buying the rights to his 1975 series centred on a post-apocalyptic world peopled by survivors from a devastating plague.

The BBC is understood to be hoping to make a new series of six 60-minute episodes.

The project is being overseen by inhouse BBC executive producer Sue Hogg and is one of a handful of Doctor Who-related dramas being planned by the corporation.

One imminent drama is Torchwood, based on the fictional alien research centre in Doctor Who, which is currently being filmed.

I'm not sure how The Guardian can claim Survivors is Doctor Who-related beyond the Terry Nation connection, but that's neither here nor there in the great scheme of things. I can't recall ever enjoying Survivors beyond its creepy title sequence. The reality of the show seemed to revolve around depressed people in beards and Arran jumpers wondering where their next candle was coming from. Not unlike the dull bit at the end of The Day fo the Triffids novel. The coming of the apocalypse, who lives and who dies, that's the interesting bit. Glum people fretting? Not so much.

Come to think of it, only the male characters in Survivors had beards. If only a travelling party of circus freaks had joined the cast, I might have stuck with the programme. What other Terry Nation creations are in the offing? Can that Blake's 7 revival be far away? Grud, I hope so - the further, the better...

1500 videos from the 1980s

Having spent my teenage years in the 1980s [yes, I am that old], I pine for the days when music videos seemed like transmissions from the planet cool. But when I watch them now - yikes! Anyway, here's a link to a website that purports to host links for 1500 music clips from that decade. Quality varies wildly and many of the links don't work, but many do. Here's a few worth having a look at, either for the music, the clip or the ludricrous combination of both.

USA For Africa: We Are the World - worth it solely for Cyndi Lauper
Paul Young: Come Back and Stay - see Paul jump! See Paul perform magic!
Poision: Every Rose Has Its Thorn - poodle rock a-go-go
David & David: Welcome to the Boomtown - obscure pair, naff video, not bad song
Haysi Fantaysee: Shiny Shiny - what is she wearing?
Tanita Tikarim: Twist in My Sobriety - a clip so sepia I keep expecting the Spanish Civil War to break out
The Sisters of Mercy: This Corrosion - why Goths are silly
The Motels: Total Control - compelling live performance
The Special A.K.A.: Free Nelson Mandela - the dancers have rubber for legs
Neneh Cherry: Manchild - not one for sea sickness sufferers
Re-Flex: the Politics of Dancing - savour the bass player's bad hair
Paula Abdul: Straight Up - she can dance, though not necessarily for inspiration

Recommended: Was It Something I Wrote?

Stumbled across this highly entertaining blog by a UK TV writer who calls himself English Dave. No names and no pack drill, but plenty of wry anecdotes from the frontlines of British television screenwriting. Highly recommended!

Depp-Charged: Johnny saves Pirates sequel

I love movies, but don't often enjoy going to the cinema. It's not the films I go to see or the cinemas themselves that are the problem - everyone has a choice in such matters. It's the arseholes I invariably find myself sitting near. Self absorbed adolescents who are too busy showing off to their mates, shouting out their opinion about anything and everything, kicking the seats, phoning their mates, or wandering in and out of the cinema at least three times during the film. Ask them to desist and that only goads them to act even worse. [I know, I know, 25 years ago I was one of those pubescent arseholes - now I'm Victor Meldrew in training. Such is life.]

Your best hope is to chose films that'll never attract this sort of audience [something arthouse, something with subtitles, something guaranteed to depress even Ingmar Bergman], or stay away until popular films have passed their prime. Or simply wait for the DVD, as I tend to do. But a home cinema set-up is still not the same as a big screen experience, especially with a special effects blockbuster like Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. So we braved the outside world and went to see it yesterday in Edinburgh. Sure enough, three shits in need of a slap were behind us and did their best to ruin the film for everyone else.

WARNING! SPOILER AHEAD - SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH TO AVOID PLOT DETAILS!

As for the film itself? Some nice set pieces, some wry dialogue and a wonderfully performance by Johnny Depp saved this one for being a bit tiresome. The first PotC movie was much the same, but had the value of novelty. Dead Man's Chest repeated the formula, but without the novelty aspect. The film sags like a octagenarian's breasts when Depp isn't on screen, and lights up like a footballer's WAG with a new platinum card when he is doing his Keith Richards' imitation. Plotwise, it felt like an attempt to emulate The Empire Strikes Back, but without any hint of gravitas or consequences. Jack Sparrow ends the film trapped in carbonite - sorry, trapped inside a giant sea monster - while the rest of our heroes set off to rescue him. Let's hope to Grud there are no aquatic equivalent to Ewoks in the next PotC movie.

Not sure I'll bother going along for the third Pirates films next summer. The law of diminishing returns is kicking in, and the prospect of another cinema visit from hell doesn't hugely appeal either. Wake me up when it's out on DVD.

'Life on Mars' scribes set up own indie

The growing trend towards a showrunner culture in British TV drama continues: Broadcast reports that Life on Mars co-creators Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharaoh have set up their own independent production company. Among the objectives for Monastic Productions is giving the scribes a greater degree of control over the shows they create, particularly in areas like casting.

Future projects will be run through Monastic Productions, initially with help from larger independents, until the company becomes established. The pair are already in talks with ITV and the BBC about its first project, a new show which the start-up could begin shooting next summer.

Life on Mars' other co-creator, Tony Jordan, announced back in April he was setting up his own indie, Red Planet, a writer-led production company hiring top writing talent to work with Jordan. Last month Red Planet announced its first drama commission, a pre-watershed police drama series for the BBC with five other scribes attached. Let's hope Monastic is equally enthusiastic about involving other writers.

Now on sale: Twilight of the Dead

The final volume in my trilogy of FIENDS OF THE EASTERN FRONT novels is now on sale, at least according to Amazon.co.uk. To whet your appetite for the book, here's an extract...

PROLOGUE

Sometimes there is little difference between fiction and reality, a narrow margin between the truth and a lie. One person’s fervent belief is another’s falsehood, one man’s recollection merely propaganda in the eyes of a different witness. When it comes to telling the story of the Great Patriotic War between Russia and German, such differences become even more blurred, such distinctions even more meaningless. Much of what happened in that fateful conflict is a matter of public record, as proven by military documents and eyewitness accounts. But the whole truth about what happened remains secret, hidden from the light. I believe it is long past time the truth was told. I was there, so I will tell it - whether or not you believe my version of events is up to you. But everything I am about to tell you is true, no matter how fantastical it may sound.

My name is Victor Danilov Zunetov and I was a soldier in the Red Army during the Second World War. At first I was a kommisar, a political officer charged with ensuring the rank and file showed due deference to our masters in Moscow. My father was an important man in the Communist Party and did his best to ensure I remained safe. But I was determined to fight the fascists who invaded Mother Russia in the summer of 1941. Eventually I secured a posting to Leningrad (now known as St Petersburg), arriving at the besieged city in January 1942. It was there I first met Grigori Eisenstein, a disgraced former officer who served with a shtrafroty, a penal company. These small squads were given the deadliest, most dangerous jobs within the blockade, undertaking suicide missions no sane soldier would attempt.

Fate and my own stupidity conspired to have me join Eisenstein’s company of the cursed. There I discovered the war’s greatest secret, the truth that remains buried to this day. It is a well established, documented historical fact that German armies posted along the Eastern Front were supplemented by soldiers from other countries, such as Rumania and Italy. But one of the war’s dirtiest little secrets is that among the Rumanian warriors was a squad of sinister soldiers from the region of Transylvania. These men were inhuman, a troop of undead parasites who sustained themselves by drinking blood from living humans. German soldiers found themselves caught in an unholy alliance with a cadre of supernatural creatures, monsters they called vampyr. Not all the Germans were happy to fight alongside these fiends. During my time in Leningrad I met a squad of enemy troopers hell-bent on deserting to our side, rather than become thralls of the vampyr. Twice I heard tell of an attempted mutiny against the Rumanians in 1941, led by three brothers named Vollmer. Such tales gave me hope when I came face to face with the bloodsucking fiends.

The leader of the vampyr was an austere, aristocratic figure called Constanta. He wore the uniform of a Hauptman, yet seemed to have a power and command over German troops far in excess of his rank. Constanta’s fate become inextricably linked to that of Eisenstein when the two fought behind enemy lines. The vampyr attacked my commander, tainting Grigori with the vampyr lust for human blood. But Eisenstein used the power of his Jewish faith to delay the infection’s spread, forcing a Star of David emblem into the wounds left by Constanta’s fangs, cauterising the flesh. I helped him stave off the infection, becoming his unofficial second in command. Together we discovered a terrible truth: Eisenstein would never be free of the inhuman taint while Constanta lived. But the Rumanian was one of the most powerful vampyr to walk the earth, created by the father of all the vampyr, a creature known only as the Sire.

By the end of January 1943, the blockade of Leningrad had been broken. Many hundreds of mile further south the brutal German attack upon the city of Stalingrad was finally defeated. The tide was turning in the Great Patriotic War, the German Blitzkrieg had been blunted. For the first time, the Russian people truly began to believe we would prevail against the Nazis. But Eisenstein and I knew there was a menace far greater than Hitler and his cronies abroad in this conflict. All of mankind faced a foe bullets and bombs would not defeat. Until we all recognised the vampyr as our common enemy, the war between nations would continue.

I told the story of my time at Leningrad in a previous volume, a book my publishers entitled The Blood Red Army. Now I will finish the story of my involvement with the vampyr, how it took me to the streets of Berlin and the terrifying interior of Transylvania. The fact I’m writing these words proves I survived – would that I could say the same of my friends and comrades from those final, fateful months of the war. I have pieced together the story of what happened on both sides of the conflict, thanks to what I saw and what others told me. I cannot claim to be the most reliable of narrators, but what follows is as accurate a record of events as my limited skills can create. Most of all, this is the story of my friend Grigori Eisenstein and the sacrifices he made for us all.

Now, I must choose where best to begin my narrative. There is much I could tell you about the events of 1943 and the early months of the following year, but I suppose the beginning of the end came in August 1944, when we invaded Rumania. It was there we first encountered Karl and Gunther and Ralf, there where I first set eyes on my beloved Mariya. Yes, that is as good a place as any to begin. You may choose to believe what follows is fiction, but I know the truth. Read on and judge for yourself…

Welsh language Who dubbing hilarity

YouTube has got one of the funniest things I've watched in ages. It's a clip from a Welsh language programme for kids, where two presenters interview Doctor Who stars David Tennant and Billie Piper in Welsh. So far, so what. The person used to dub Tennant into Welsh is fine. But the woman who's dubbed Billie Piper into Welsh...

If you've ever watched the sitcom Father Ted, prepare for the Welsh incarnation of Mrs Doyle, putting words into the mouth of Billie Piper. Truly, truly bizarre.

Savour the madness here.

GBH: ten hours of gripping drama

In the absence of there being much TV drama worth watching on TV [certainly at a time that's convenient to us], we tend to watch TV drama on DVD. That way you can watch an entire season of serial dramas like Lost or 24 without sitting through endless ad breaks [yes, Channel 4, I'm looking accusingly at you] or waiting for five and half months to finish the story. The DVd player has most recently been spinning Alan Bleasdale's wonderful early 90s story G.B.H., starring Robert Lindsay and Michael Palin. I suspect the same, award-winning drama might struggle to get easily commissioned these days, but TV has changed dramatically since G.B.H. first aired.

So has British politics, which makes much of the plot machinations appear to be a period piece in some ways. On one level G.B.H. deals with the rise of far left agitators like Militant and its Liverpool figurehead Derek Hatton. But that's window dressing for Bleasdale's true theme, the dangers of extremism within any political philosophy. That's just as significant now as it was then, perhaps more so. Putting aside the politics, the heart of G.B.H. is its two central characters - Michael Murray and Jim Nelson [played by Lindsay and Palin, respectively]. Both are flawed men, pushed the brink of utter breakdown by events beyond their control. Lindsay and Palin give stunning performances, but all the cast is excellent.

The DVD boxed set of G.B.H. is great value, especially if you order it online where the 10 hours of gripping drama can be obtained for £14 - a bargain compared to buying tripe like Van Helsing or The Matrix Reloaded. The set also includes two commentary tracks [with Lindsay and Palin on one of these], and an all too brief interview with Bleasdale about the show's creation and genesis. The writer talks about spending a week in an office with executive producer Verity Lambert, as they made cuts to the script - 230 pages of cuts! Bleasdale was ready to murder Lambert by the end, but freely says he never missed any of lost material from the broadcast episodes, barring a single, 45-second scene. Illuminating interview, great story.

Write a short film with only 15 words of dialogue

Joe Boyd of California has set an interesting challenge: write a script for a short film featuring only 15 words of dialogue. To make things juicier, the dialogue is already supplied:

"Hi"
"Hey"
"You nervous"
"A little"
"Why"
"It's my first time"
"Really, you've never-"
"No"
"OK"

Boyd is looking to make five short films using exactly the same dialogue and actors. Your mission - should you choose to accept it, is filling in the blanks between the dialogue to tell a complete, unique story. Of course, there are some rules. The script must contain all the dialogue in order, with no added dialogue, subtractions or other changes. Boyd wants compelling stories, with a beginning, middle and end, all told in one minute or two standard pages of screenplay. And the deadline? July 15th.

To find out more, visit: http://mytakefilmcontest.blogspot.com/

Random thoughts, unconnected facts

Yesterday was the fourth of July, celebrated as Independence Day in the US of A. About ten years ago there was a disaster movie released called Independence Day, in which aliens attacked the earth. Humanity was about to be wiped out but was saved on the fourth of July after - inevitably - clever Americans found a way to stop the aliens. The film's fictional US President gives a speech designed either to rouse your patriotic spirit [or empty the contents of your stomach, depending upon your nationality and gullibility], saying how mankind was reclaiming its right to survivial on that day. Forever more, this would be humanity's independence day, etc.

One question: if the fightback had begun on another national holiday or annually celebrated event, would they have changed the name of the film and that infamous, cringe-inducing speech? "Today is our Arbor Day!" Or "Today is our Mother's Day!"

Maybe not.

I first left home of the fourth of July, creating my own little independence day. Of course, that was 1985, aliens were not about to destroy the earth and I was much younger then [with more hair, natch]. I drive to my first proper job as a cadet reporter in the New Zealand provincial town of Hawera [that's Maori for Burnt Place]. My car's radiator all but exploded, I scalded my wrist on the boiling water it gouted at me and the trip took ten hours instead of five. A memorable day, but I can't believe it was 21 years ago yesterday.

The post has just arrived, bringing two different experiences with it. First was the envelope containing my tickets to see Scritti Politti playing live in Edinburgh next month. The band hasn't toured for 26 years but Green Gartside has finally overcome his quarter of a century attack of stage fright to hit the road in support of a new album, White Bread Black Beer. Can't remember the last time I went to see a band in concert, particularly a concert where I stood up for the whole event. You know you're getting old when your choice of musical events to attend involve considerations of personal comfort. Then again, I've never enjoyed great, big outdoor events [or the great outdoors in general], so the prospect of attending a festival like Glastonbury fills me with horror and dread. Perhaps I suffering a traumatic experience involving tents as a youngster?

Also in the post was a cryptic and somewhat disturbing letter from British Airways. Here's the text in full, so you can savour its paranoia-inducing flavour...

Dear Mr Bishop
Thank you for writing to us. We have set up a file for you, and the reference number is at the top of the page. It may take us up to 28 days to contact you. Please be assured we will be in touch again as soon as we can.
Yours sincerely
Aaron Fernandes
Administrative Assistant

Recent cutbacks at BA have obviously affected the use of punctuation as well. Poor Aaron Fernandes was only allocated a single comma for the whole of that letter, but I thought he used it with aplomb. You can sense him wishing he had another couple to round things off nicely, but when you've only got the one comma, use it wisely.

Putting aside considerations about commas and their shortage [is there a punctuation drought at BA? Has the airline instituted a semi-colon ban, except for essential usage? I think we ought to be told], the letter left me feeling guilty for no particular reason. The oblique nature of the prose, the apologetic yet Orwellian hints about being in touch again soon, the ticking deadline of BA's ominous response, and - most of all - the fact they have set up a file for me... these are all somewhat disturbing in tenor and tone. It's absence of any reference [beyond a reference number] to why BA is doing all of those that left me bemused.

I'm guessing this is to do with my complaint about having coffee drip on me from the bulkhead of a BA flight to LA in February. If so, I've already banked the nine pound cheque BA sent me to compensate for getting my clothes cleaned. Beyond that, I've no idea what the hell this is all about. Let paranoia commence.

Today's task: write a 5000 word short story featuring masked avenger The Phantom, to appear in a prose anthology being published by America's Moonstone Comics. Got my plot, got my deadline, now I've just got to get my arse in gear. Onward!

Gordon Brown, texture like sun

In my head the Stranglers' biggest hit single, Golden Brown, always sounds like they're singing about Britain's current Chancellor of the Exchequer. According to Wikipedia, however: the band claimed the song's lyrics were akin to an aural Rorschach test and people only heard in it what they wanted to hear, although this did not prevent persistent allegations that the lyrics were about heroin. Nevertheless, I can't help substituting Gordon Brown's name whenever I hear this song. Come on, everybody, sing along with me...

Gordon Brown texture like sun
Lays me down with my mind he runs
Throughout the night
No need to fight
Never a frown with Gordon Brown

Every time just like the last
On his ship tied to the mast
To distant lands
Takes both my hands
Never a frown with Gordon Brown

You mean somebody's reading this?

Every day I've got a long list of websites, blogs and internet pages I like to visit. Among them is the Writers' Guild of Great Britain blog, which I've recommended previously. Today, when I had my usual peak at the WGGB blog, I discovered somebody there's been reading my blog and has used a recent posting as the basis for an entry there. Now I'm blogging about them blogging about me blogging about - argh, I'm trapped in an infinite recursion occlusion. Or something. Freaky.

Now, the classic writer's dilemma: start a 5000 word short story due tomorrow; mow the lawn before it's declared a national park, complete with search and rescue team; or have a bath.

Hmmm...

Lawn first, then the bath. Let's face it, I've got all day tomorrow to write the story.

"Hmph. He saw you coming!"

The Judge Dredd Megazine celebrated its tenth anniversary in the year 2000 AD. To mark the occasion, then editor Andy Diggle saved up his editorial pennies and commissioned US comcis legend Frank Miller to do the cover art for the birthday issue. Andy had already moved on to editing 2000 AD by the time the picture arrived and I was back in charge of the Megazine as freelance editor. By chance, Dredd's co-creator John Wagner happened to be in the office when the Frank Miller cover image arrived. I opened the package up in John's presence - his response was the comment used as the headline for this blog posting.

After some back and forth via email, Miller withdrew permission for us to publish his work - but we didn't have to pay him, so that was the end of that. [We never actually had the art in our possession, only a full size print of it.] Some time later Miller put his original art up for auction, with all proceeds going to an extremely worthy cause, the Comic Book Legal Defence Fund. I think it sold for at least a thousand US dollars, so some good emerged from the whole episode. I figured I'd never seen the thing again.

I was wrong.

Former 2000 AD artist Jock kindly sent me a link to ebay, where the Miller Dredd picture is up for auction. As of this moment it's attracted 17 bids, with the highest price thus far of $1450 - but still has yet to reach its reserve. So, if you want to see Frank Miller's take on Judge Dredd, you can view it for yourself here.

Visiting old Durham Town

Spent most of yesterday schlepping back and forth to Durham, a place immortalised by the whistling songsmith Roger Whittaker. Despite my expectations, Durham was not awash with guitar-strumming beardie-weirdie whistling blokes. At least I now know where Durham is, having laboured for years under the misapprehension it must be somewhere in Ireland [don't ask, I can't explain]. It's about 13 minutes past Newcastle on the train from Edinburgh. Thus does another of life's mysteries die quietly.

Yesterday morning our house was beset by thunderstorms and torrential downpours, but Durham was giving it the full scorchio, all blazing sunshine and simmering heat. As always with these popped in, souled out excursions, I got to see the train station, the place I was actually going to [in this case, the Gala theatre and cinema complex] and the roads in between. Still, Durham seemed nice enough and I wouldn't mind going back for a slightly longer visit someday, especially now I know where it is.

The reason for the trip was to be interviewed for a forthcoming TV programme called Super Sleuths. It's a series of documentaries being made by Free @ Last TV about popular TV detectives based on novels. As the author of THE COMPLETE INSPECTOR MORSE [now available in a shiny new hardcover edition], I was drafted in to offer some commentary on the Oxford curmudgeon created by Colin Dexter. That turned into 45 mintues of Q&A while slowly melting under lighting not dissimilar to a supernova.

If I don't end up on the cutting room floor, my ugly mug might appear on ITV3 later this year and on ITV1 early in 2007. I doubt it'll shift any copies of my Morse tome, but it's worth a try. Plus it's always nice to have a day out the office, especially when the office is upstairs in your own house. Freelancing from home has many advantages, but insipient cabin fever is not one of them.

Alas, playtime's over and I've got two jobs still to finish that should have been concluded last week. Post-holiday inertia and a plethora of live sport on TV did nothign for my productivity last week. Fortunately, the elimination of any local interest in both Wimbledon and the World Cup gives me fewer excuses to much about - not that most scribes need inspiration for procrastination. Anything to avoid the tyranny of the blank screen, right?

Creating your own character arc

The Optimistic Reader's got a post here about how much they hate filling in application forms, specifically the Why Do You Deserve To Be Considered For This Opportunity sectiion. I was much the same until I decided to turn these irksome moments into a storytelling exercise. The way I figure it, everybody likes to hear stories, likes to be entertained - unless all us scribes would be out of a job, right? Well, the same applies to people who have to vet applications, be it for a new job, a loan or a career advancement opportunity. Think how dull it must be for them, wading through dozens or even hundreds of arid CVs and dry, lifeless pleas to be considered. The same applies to interviews for our hypothetical job, loan or career advancement opportunity, assuming you're lucky enough to get shortlisted for whatever you're seeking.

A year ago I decided the best way to handle such situations was by creating a little narrative, building a character arc for myself. Inject that into your application form or your interview spiel and it involves the person on the other side of the desk. You make yourself seem interesting and empowered, somebody on a quest with a clarity of vision about where they've come from and where they want to go. That's much more attractive than simply being nervous, sweaty and desperate. [I love the lines in Broadcast News on this subject, which I'll paraphrase from memory here: "Wouldn't it great if desperation were attractive? If need were a turn-on?"]

Why do you want this job, loan or career advancement opportunity? Tell them a story, turn yourself into a character in this story - and you're inviting them to help you achieve your quest. They can become Obi Wan to your Luke by agreeing to give you that loan, that job, that opportunity. Now, I'm not suggesting you simply lie or invent a complete fiction - that's dodgy ground and you're liable to get found out. But think of what you're trying to achieve as a story and then pitch that story, either through the text on your application or in person at the interview.

Sounds daft? Maybe it is, but this has been working for me lately. I successfully employed this method when I applied for my MA Screenwriting course, and it's helped me win one of a handful of opportunities to be mentored for the next nine months by a working screenwriter. Remember, you are the hero of your own life, or at least the protagonist. Try turning that life into an entertaining or intriguing story. It's been working for me lately...

First of July and the rest of the year's full.

Don't want to put the curse on a project by naming it before paperwork's been signed, but it's looking like my 17th or 18th novel is coming together. The inspecificity stems from the fact a publication date hasn't been set for this book, so it could come out before [or after] the novel I was commissioned to write at the start of June. The definite tome is due the end of November, the putative paperback has the end of September as its theoretical deadline. The definitive book is 95,000 words, the as-yet uncontracted novel will be either 70k or 95k if it happens.

Throw THRILL-POWER OVERLOAD: The History of 2000 AD, the Galaxy's Great Comic into the mix [due end of August, 120k words] and the rest of 2006 is officially full. Around 300,000 words to be written in the next five months, a mix of fiction and non-fiction. That's not counting scripting The Phantom for Egmont Sweden, course work for my Screenwriting MA and a few other projects currently bubbling away in the background.

The rest of 2006 is looking rather busy. Time to get my skates on!