I love movies, but don't often enjoy going to the cinema. It's not the films I go to see or the cinemas themselves that are the problem - everyone has a choice in such matters. It's the arseholes I invariably find myself sitting near. Self absorbed adolescents who are too busy showing off to their mates, shouting out their opinion about anything and everything, kicking the seats, phoning their mates, or wandering in and out of the cinema at least three times during the film. Ask them to desist and that only goads them to act even worse. [I know, I know, 25 years ago I was one of those pubescent arseholes - now I'm Victor Meldrew in training. Such is life.]
Your best hope is to chose films that'll never attract this sort of audience [something arthouse, something with subtitles, something guaranteed to depress even Ingmar Bergman], or stay away until popular films have passed their prime. Or simply wait for the DVD, as I tend to do. But a home cinema set-up is still not the same as a big screen experience, especially with a special effects blockbuster like Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. So we braved the outside world and went to see it yesterday in Edinburgh. Sure enough, three shits in need of a slap were behind us and did their best to ruin the film for everyone else.
WARNING! SPOILER AHEAD - SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH TO AVOID PLOT DETAILS!
As for the film itself? Some nice set pieces, some wry dialogue and a wonderfully performance by Johnny Depp saved this one for being a bit tiresome. The first PotC movie was much the same, but had the value of novelty. Dead Man's Chest repeated the formula, but without the novelty aspect. The film sags like a octagenarian's breasts when Depp isn't on screen, and lights up like a footballer's WAG with a new platinum card when he is doing his Keith Richards' imitation. Plotwise, it felt like an attempt to emulate The Empire Strikes Back, but without any hint of gravitas or consequences. Jack Sparrow ends the film trapped in carbonite - sorry, trapped inside a giant sea monster - while the rest of our heroes set off to rescue him. Let's hope to Grud there are no aquatic equivalent to Ewoks in the next PotC movie.
Not sure I'll bother going along for the third Pirates films next summer. The law of diminishing returns is kicking in, and the prospect of another cinema visit from hell doesn't hugely appeal either. Wake me up when it's out on DVD.