Beware the pagan acid-spitting plesiosaur

If you've ever wondered how writers come up with stories for science fiction comics like 2000 AD, wonder no more. Simply click here and you'll be transported to Alec Trench's Thrill Pitcher, a web page that automatically generates a new story scenario every time you click the button marked NO SUBTEXT! For example, I was just presented with this gem: He's a crashlanded punishment-dispensing graffitti artist who's battling for Britain. His ex-lover is a pagan trident-wielding fascist who owns a planet. They must stop Northpool from demolition by giant robots!

One thing that bothers me - why can't I write shit like that?

All-star cast for Steven Moffat's Jekyll

The BBC has announced the case for next year's new version of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, written by Steven Moffat. James Nesbitt is playing the dual lead role when the series goes into production next month, supported by the likes of Gina Bellman, Denis Lawson, Meera Syal and Michelle Ryan. Directors are Douglas Mackinnon (Bodies) and Matt Lipsey (Little Britain), while Moffat is executive producing the series with Beryl Vertue. Gotta say, I am really looking forward to this modern take on Robert Louis Stevenson's classic novel. Moffat's episodes were my favourites from both series of the new Doctor Who and he's fast becoming a name to watch in TV drama, after years in sitcoms. He's proof that typecasting shouldn't apply to anyone, least of all writers, assuming they have enough talent.

Set phasers to cheese!

Busy, busy, busy today, so no time to blog. Instead, here's four supremely brilliant [or cheesy, depending on your POV] 2000 AD covers for you to savour, from the days when comics featured thought bubbles and speech balloons up front - without shame or irony. Must go and get some work done, before the giant scorpions get me. To savour more 2000 AD cover madness, just go here.

Doctor Who wins Hugo award

British science fiction TV series Doctor Who won the prestigious Hugo award at the weekend for best dramatic presentation (short-form). In fact, it came first, second and third in the voting for three different episodes from the 2005 series - beating expected winner Battlestar Galactica in the process for this American award. The Hugo went to Steven Moffat for his episode The Empty Child, but the writer was busy at the Edinburgh International Television Festival and thus could not attend the awards ceremony in California. But he did sent a note, as you'll see below...

Great site: Opening Shots

Pop quiz: can you name the three films that open with the images shown above? All come from the Opening Shots Project, a wonderful site I discovered this morning [thanks to The Beat for the link]. Various online people discuss and dissect the opening shots of movies, but with enthusiasm and verve - not dry, academic filmschool speak. Being a wannabe screenwriter myself and sometime comics scribe, this sort of discussion and imagery combo really fires my synapses. Check it out by going here.

Funny: Doing It For Money

Well, yesterday was a banner day by any reckoning. Finished the first draft of my current project, THRILL-POWER OVERLOAD: The Official History of 2000 AD, The Galaxy's Greatest Comic. Lots of spit and polish still to be applied, but the hard work is done. Happily, the postman got busy as well and delivered a big box of goodies from across the Atlantic, including Season Two of both Veronica Mars and House on DVD. Also inside was a copy of Doing It For Money: The Agony and Ecstasy of Writing and Surviving in Hollywood, a funny tome edited by Daryl G. Nickens.

Doing It For Money is essentially a collection of essays and anecdotes from Hollywood screenwriters about their life in the business - how they broke in, how they succeeded and how they sabotaged their own success. I'm 70 pages in already [I read fast and this book has got BIG type] and it's bloody funny. Hell, the sections of procrastination are a good way to kill some time if you're looking for work avoidance that still feels like it could almost be called professional research. Well worth a look, if you're the sort of person like me who always reads the writer's bio first. Remember Reader' Digest Condensed Books? My favourite page was the author descriptions at the end of the volume. How often did I read those paragraphs, imagining my own life story appearing there... Sad git.

While I've got you here and we're talking screenwriting, you could do worse than have a look at the blog of Susiesoap, the intriguingly entitled Lifebuoy Carbolic. Hell, it's worth having a peek just to see how she explains that blog name.

Last but not least, if you ever have a TV script picked up to be shot as a pilot, may I recommend the services of David Nutter? Not just because he's got one of the best surnames in American TV [although it doesn't quite match Buffy the Vampire Slayer's music bloke, Thomas Wanker], but also because of his track record. The last 12 pilots Nutter has directed all got picked up to become series [including Smallville, Supernatural and Without a Trace]. He's just been attached to direct the pilot for The Sarah Connor Chronicles, a TV project spun out of The Terminator film franchise. Nutter's winning streak will continue - Fox has already made a put pilot committment to the show, so The Sarah Connor Chronicles is already a done deal.

Feel the irony: thieves steal Robin Hood master tapes

The Press Association is reporting that thieves have stolen the footage for the BBC's big budget resurrection of Robin Hood. The family drama about Nottingham's most famous outlaw was being edited in Budapest last week when four master tapes were half-inched.

British tabloid the Daily Mirror is claiming the thieves want a million pound ransom for the footage. So much for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. Tiger Aspect is making Robin Hood for the BBC. It issued the following statement: "The thefts are causing inconvenience and have resulted in a delay in finalising some of the episodes. Tiger Aspect is taking all reasonable steps to recover the tapes."

Honestly, you wouldn't make this up, would you?

US gets Lewis on DVD first?

The Inspector Morse spin-off Lewis was broadcast in America during July, six months after its UK debut screening on ITV. However, it seems the US is getting the chance to buy Lewis on DVD before British consumers. Amazon.com is listing a September 12 release for the Region 1 DVD, featuring the rather nifty cover shown above. The Region 2 release has been postponed several times and is now scheduled for Janary 2007. Lewis was a ratings success for ITV in January and there was talk of commissioning four more murder mysteries for the character to solve, but all has been quiet since February. Anybody out there know what's happening with Lewis?

24 Hours from Emmy

Congratulations to 24 and Kiefer Sutherland for winning best drama and best actor in a drama at last night's Emmy awards in America. The show has changed the face of US TV drama over the past five years, proving that the novelistic approach can be a success (particuarly if you schedule such a show immediately after American Idol). Sutherland's especially deserving of his award, as there can't be many more demanding roles than that of Jack Bauer. Now, can somebody hurry up and release season 5 on DVD so those of us outside the US without digital, cable or satellite can watch it?

Work avoidance scheme #27: blog tidying

Biggar Cricket Club's last match of the season has fallen victim to the rain, so I'm doing some TPO work today - and a bit of work avoidance, too. Having been plugging lots of comics artists' sites and blogs of late, figures I should add them to the links at right. That turned into a template tidying thing, that then tempted to have a fresh looks at the links I was endorsing. Found the cartoon pictured above on Sean Phillips' blog, apparently it's an added extra in his forthcoming title Criminal, co-created with Ed Brubaker for Marvel's Icon imprint. See more of Criminal and Sean's groovy art here.

Just Imagine Stan Lee creating Watchmen

More Watchmen-related genius, courtesy of The Beat. Ever wondered what Watchmen would be like if Stan Lee had scripted the dialogue? No, me neither, but somebody else has and the results are hilarous. Sample it for yourself here.

Groovy arse cover action by Jock

Since we've been having a run of comics stuff on this blog of late, here's another cool site that's well worth checking out. British artist Jock made his breakthrough thanks to the sharp eyes of Andy Diggle and the two have done some stellar work together since, mostly for America's DC Comics. [Damn the lure of those shiny Yankee dollars!] Jock gives great strip art, but his covers are outstanding - as much for the groovy designs as his painting skills. Now you can see all 32 covers Jock did for The Losers by clicking here - enjoy!

Broadcast site free - for the next few days

Broadcast is the UK television industry's weekly trade paper, full of essential information about what's happening. Broadcast also has an excellent website, with six years' worth of material in the archives. Normally only subscribers can access this resource, but the website has been opened to the public for the next few days during the annual television conference now on in Edinburgh. So, if you ever wanted a nosey round the Broadcast site or a chance to gouge the archives for research purposes, but didn't want to sell out £150 a year for a subscription, now's your chance - just go here.

A large cack of bad weather

The Daily Mirror has a story today about Central TV reporter Joanne Malin apologising after accidentally blurting out that it was "pissing down" during a weather report. Happily, there were only two complaints, however - and many viewers emailed in to support Malin, saying they had found her comment hilarious. So, can we expect more honest assessments of the weather in future? May I suggest the phrases "it's bastard cold outside", "I'm bloody boiling" and "today's weather will be quite shit, frankly" be worked into the meteorological lexicon.

The dog days of TV drama

Summer is not known as a great season for watching TV drama. In the US most shows are screened from September to May, often with blocks of reruns to spread the 22 episodes of a season across seven or eight months. That wasn't such a problem in the days when most shows featured predominantly done-in-one stories, even if there were plotline sor character arcs that last longer. The popularity of serials like 24 and Lost make reruns especially vexing for regular viewers. Fox gets around this by screening 24 in one, long block from January to May. After two bitsy seasons of Lost the third season is apparently being screened in blocks, to stop the show losing momentum and viewers losing the will to watch.

British TV is far less rigid in its definition of the drama season, but summer is still low tide when it comes to new drama. Audiences are shrunken by warm weather, longer days and taking their holidays. Understandably, broadcasters want their best shows to have the greatest possible chance to getting a big audience. It may be sweeping generalisation, but any new drama launched in summer is probably not the world's greatest show. You may also get the bizarre experience of watching a series like Where The Heart Is, a programme filmed in the depths of winter but often broadcast in summer. The cast are wrapped up like Eskimos, their breath hanging in the air as a vapour, while the viewer is slowly melting in glorious summer sunshine on the sofa. Odd.

Anyways, the last few months have mostly been spent watching TV on DVD, in the absence of their being much to get excited about on air. We've just finished Season 3 on NYPD Blue - I'd forgotten how good that show was - and are contemplating a re-watch of Boomtown. Amazon.com are sending Season 2 of both Veronica Mars and House across the Atlantic, so they'll take top priority upon arrival. I've got the DVD recorder to help me keep track of River City, since I never manage to be in when the show is on and always miss the Sunday omnibus edition. After the gangsters and gunplay of recent weeks, the Scottish soap is settling back into its more usual groove of domestic goings-on. The scramble is always to hit the subtitles button when Roisin comes on screen. That woman could read a nursery rhyme and I still wouldn't understand a word she said.

The Office - David Brent visits Microsoft

When private emails go public

UK TV industry weekly Broadcast's website has gotten hold of an email exchange between ITV director of television Simon Shaps and the channel's controller of drama, Laura Mackie, about future commissions for ITV. Apparently the message was accidentally forwarded to another party and from there got leaked to Broadcast. The email offers a fascinating insight into how top drama bosses are thinking, but knowing how many people are reading this in-house communication makes your toes curl with embarrassment for all those involved. In this extract, Mackie is discussing the prospects for a new drama pilot from Mersey TV called The Outsiders...

Outsiders looks very glossy, with well-executed action sequences, very photogenic leads and hopefully will appeal to the audience who enjoy Hustle. It's a bit hokey and doesn't deliver quite the tongue in cheek 'Persuaders' type humour that we'd hoped for and if we go to series then we need to push for wittier, more knowing scripts.

Suspect it will get a decent audience but the critics will be a bit sniffy. We don't need to make a decision on commissioning a series until it goes out as actors are optioned until November. Suggest we discuss once you've had a look and we can consider what else we have coming through.

22 panels that always work - sometimes

Ivan Brunetti has created his own, comedic version of Wally Wood's 22 Panels, this time focusing on springboards for stories. You can see the full version here - warning: contains cartoons of a sexual nature.

Watchmen: The Pirate Extraction

I have a confession to make - I always skim over the pirate bits in Watchmen. [Watchmen, as any fool knows, is the classic superhero maxi-series by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. What od you mean you haven't read it? Shame on you! Go buy a copy and read it now. Sheesh! And people call me a cultural philistine...] I'm not saying I ignore the pirate bits altogether, but it's the part of the story that appeals to me least, so I tend to skim over it.
Well the solution is at hand. Some kindly soul has extracted all the pirate bits and turned them into a 20-page online comic. Now, finally, I've got the chance to read the sections I've always skimmed over and get a better appreciation of them. After I've done that, it'll be time for a thorough re-read of Watchmen. After 20 years, it's time to look at the old favourite with a fresh set of eyes.

Cruise control? Apparently not

Film star Tom Cruise and film studio Paramont have been bonded together for 14 years, but not anymore. Cruise and his producer partner Paula Wagner have ankled the studio - or did the studio terminate Cruise/Wagner? Right now there's a war of the words [hey, you know that pun was coming eventually, don't roll your eyes!] as to who jilted whom.

Paramount supremo Sumner Redstone told the Wall Street Journal on Tuesday the studio was ending its relationship with Wagner and Cruise because his 'recent conduct has not been acceptably'. Wagner retaliated by calling the comments 'outrageous and disrespectful'. Upshot? Cruise/Wagner is shifting its shingle to another studio.

All this seems to stem from Cruise's unusual behaviour since last summer, such as bouncing up and down on Oprah's couch declaring his love for Katie Holmes. Public perception of him appears to have switched from 'we love this guy' to a point where he's like Michael Jackson without the plastic surgery disasters.

When you get the mickey extracted from you in a Scary Movie or become the biggest joke in a trailer for a film about stupid car racing drivers, you know your public image is in the crapper. The fact Mission Impossible III only took in $393 million worldwide [only!] probably didn't help matters.

What a strange world we live in...

Creepy: the London Horror Comic

There's a new site up where you can download short horror comics as pdfs. Each story is silent, so there's no language barriers to overcome - and they're all free. Check out the creepy, quirky tales by visiting the site here.

Another comic artist's blog

Comic artist Colin Wilson has resurrected his blog, posting tasty morsels from current and future projects. Above you can see his contribution to the Tom Frame tribute spread coming soon to an issue of 2000 AD. Had a joyous morning a few weeks back when fellow blogger Paul Scoones [grud, this post into turning into one long http name-drop, isn't it?] found me a copy of Colin's Captain Sunshine comic from the late 1970s. In an instant I was transported back to my childhood, riding to Blockhouse Bay on my Ralgeigh Twenty to buy comics and seven inch singles. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Wally Wood's 22 panels

Comics storyteller Wally Wood developed a set of tools to help him overcome moments in scripts where inspiration had failed the writer, where the action ground to a halt and talking heads delivered a massive info-dump. Since then, Wally Wood's 22 Panels That Always Work have become the stuff of legend, a classic work of storytelling craft and ingenuity.

Several times in the past few weeks I've been enthusing about the 22 panels and have used them myself when writing scripts for Fiends of the Eastern Front: Stalingrad. My serial in the Judge Dredd Megazine is told as a series of flashbacks, so it inevitably features scenes of two characters talking as they transition from one flashback to the next. Anyway, you can find out more about Wood, his 22 panels and why they work so well by going here - it's fascinating stuff.

Osama wanna dance with somebody?

According to a new book, Osama Bin Laden was once infatuated with American songstress Whitney Houston. The unlikely story come from a former soap opera writer who claims she was Bin Laden's sex slave at one time. Never mind the reality [or otherwise] of this bizarre allegation, let's contemplate the contents of Osama's iPod instead. So, Top Five Songs For a Whitney Obsessed Terror Kingpin...

5. I Will Always Love You
4. One Moment in Time
3. A'm Your Baby Tonight
2. It's Not Right But It's Okay
1. The Greatest Love of All

Who needs special effects, right? Right?

Found the above photo at this site. I challenge you to stare at the picture for more than 15 seconds without your eyeballs starting to do a dance. Possibly the Macarena.

Telegraph this, creep!

Seems I was quoted in an article published by the Sunday Telegraph - you can read the whole piece by going here. I'd like to congratulate the journalists involved for quoting me accurately, a skill I haven't encountered that often with other British newspapers. Doesn't mean I'll be buying the Telegraph anytime soon, of course...

It's official: ITV drama has lost its way

In a remarkably candid interview in today's Guardian newspaper, the head of drama production at ITV admits the channel has lost its way and its focus on programming. Andy Harries says hundreds of people have told him they find Britain's leading commercial channel 'unwatchable'. He describes the channel as 'bargain basement' and 'cluttered'. Harries attributes part of the problem to ITV changing its key drama slot from 60 to 90 minutes, requiring a five act structure. 'Writers find it very difficult to write for ... good shows suffered ... this may have been a factor in some not being recommissioned.' ITV drama caters too much for older women, according to Harries.

So, what does he plan to do about fixing these problems? According to the Guardian, rumours are rife that Harries will leave ITV Productions, though he declined to confirm that. He attributes all his succusses to long-term relationships with writers. 'Once you have a creative partnership, that is how good things come out.' Harries wants ITV to be a centre of excellence for serious drama, single drama and movies.

Well, it sounds like he's got a good grasp of the illness. Can Andy Harries find the cure, and will he be around long enough to nurse the patient back to health?

All quiet on the Westonfront

Belatedly discovered the blog of sterling British comic artist Chris Weston, which can be found here. Among the many lovely images Chris has posted there is the one shown above, a tribute to the late, great letterer Tom Frame. Reminds me of the anecdote about Jim Henson's memorial service. As friends, family and work colleagues left they walked past a Kermit the Frog puppet holding a sign with these words on it: I've lost my voice. Dredd and other strips in 2000 AD will never quite be the same without Tom's contribution.

Trailer logline frenzy

The Apple movie trailers page just went update crazy, adding 25 trailers in new films in the past three days. Sometimes you watch a trailer and get a gut feeling a film is going to suck like a black hole. Other times, the trailer will give that movie bounce and sparkle far beyond what you'll find in the finished feature. But if trailer creation is an art, writing loglines is an even harder nut to crack.

The logline is usually a single sentence that descrbes a film, its central characters and what's at stake. It has to summarise and entice, excite and encapsulate. Frankly, it's a bit of a bugger to get right. Anyway, here's a sampling of loglines for films that have just had their trailers posted online. On the basis of these three loglines, which of the films described are you in a rush to see at the cinema?

In Lucky You, a professional poker player (Eric Bana) gets a lesson in life from a struggling singer (Drew Barrymore) as he collides with his estranged father (Robert Duvall) at the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas.

In Sleeping Dogs Lie, Amy is a seemingly normal young girl, adored by her parents and golden-boy fiance. Her future looks bright until her fiance suggests they tell each other their darkest secrets…things they have never told anyone. When Amy finally relents and reveals her secret, everything falls apart.

In Sherrybaby, Sherry Swanson (Maggie Gyllenhaal) begins her first day of freedom, clean and sober, three years after entering prison for robbery as a 19-year-old heroin addict. A model prisoner who has undergone personal transformation, she immediately sets out to regain custody of her young daughter Alexis (Ryan Simpkins).

The trailer for Lucky You makes it look like The Colour of Money with poker substituting for pool, while Sherrybaby screams Oscar nomination from every frame. Sleeping Dogs Lie is a romantic comedy, but the trailer seems to be hinting it's a comedy about, well, bestiality. Oh yeah, that'll pack 'em in at the multiplex. Just a shame the film title Must Love Dogs was already taken...

Show Them the Funny

BBC Radio 4 is running a competition to find 10 funny writers for a new sketch show, called Recorded for Training Purposes. The winners will join a writers' academy to be mentored by leading comedy writers, and have work broadcast early in 2007. What's the entry criteria? You've got to be over 17 and have never had a commission on national radio. If you want to find out more, go here.

Are you a mentor? Or a mentee?

Yesterday was induction day for the Scottish Book Trust's words@work mentoring project. It's the third year the scheme has been run, offering writers are various stages in their careers the chance to be mentored for a nine-month period while they work on a specific project. Among the new intake are a poet and short story writer working on a novel, a writer and illustrator of books for children looking to move her target audience up an age band, a poet wanting to focus on radio drama, a novelist seeking help with a new book, another novelist wanting to finish her first novel and a trio would-be TV drama screenwriters. No prizes for guessing where I fit in there.

I can't talk too much about where I'm going with my project, as confidentiality agreements and boundaries have to be fixed, but am excited by opportunity to be mentored by a working screenwriter. Much as I value all that I'm learning and experiencing on my MA Screenwriting course, the size of the class and its juxtaposition of full-timers with part-timers often precludes the chance of more focused tutoring. But by lunchtime yesterday I realised I would have to make some sacrifices to get the best out of the mentoring experience.

For a start, I suspect my income's going to take another hit. The MA is already a double-drain on finances, partly through the costs associated with the degree but mostly through the loss of time to do revenue-earning work. Participating in the mentoring project will also eat into earning time, but it's a sacrifice worth making. This is just nine months - I've got the rest of my working life in which to make money. [I suspect they'll be prising the keyboard from my dead fingers when the time comes, assuming we're not able to download stories directly from the cerebral cortex by that point.]

I suspect some of my spare time activities will also have to go for the next nine months. I enjoy amateur dramatics, but it swallows a huge amount of my spare time. Two rehearsals a week of several hours each, plus learning lines - and that's when I'm just acting. I certainly won't be directing any more shows until this time next year. If acting swallows spare time, directing is akin to having a black hole hovering beside your waking hours. So, no more directing for a while and probably no more acting once my current committments are met.

Time to get serious and focus on making my dreams of being a screenwriter into a viable career. Speaking of focus, I need to get back to http://thrillpoweroverload.blogspot.com/. I'm supposed to producing 6000 words a day and the last two days only added 3000 words in total. I've got some catching up to do!

New Dante cover artist revealed!

A few days back I posted the cover for my Nikolai Dante omnibus, From Russia With Lust. The book's being published next February and collects all three of my Black Flame romps featuring the Russian rogue under one cover. At the time, I wondered who the artist was, not recognising their style. The answer came courtesy of the comments section on this blog. Step forward Rachael Haupt. You can see more of her art by going here.

In cyberspace, no-one can hear you stream

Variety reports that come September, American network CBS will streaming episodes of its top TV dramas online the day after they're broadcast - for free. That's all three strands of CSI, plus NCIS and Numbers too. [A quick digression: what's with all the initials in US TV dramas? Hell, even Brit shows like Spooks become MI5 when they cross the Atlantic, although that is mostly due to understandable cultural sensitivity.] CBS is following the example of ABC [see, more initials!] which streamed Lost, Desperate Housewives, Alias and Commander in Chief as an experiment for two months last spring.

Back in the UK, Channel 4 is committed to streaming and the rapid uptake of broadband makes this possible in a way that didn't exist three years ago. The BBC is experimenting with streaming broadcast footage live to air. It can't be long before we'll be able to watch shows online and on-demand, can it? The sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned. Reception round here sucks so badly, I only watch TV on DVD these days, particularly American shows. Why wait 22 weeks to see a whole season in tiny slices, further segmented by infuriating, badly inserted ad breaks? Import the Region 1 box set, that's my policy. The bootleg practise of torrent file sharing will soon by made redundant by online streaming.

Of course, there's one big, unanswered question that arises from this - what effect will it have on the BBC's licence fee? The corporation charges everyone in Britain who uses a TV, ploughing that money into programme making and other creative endeavours. But if we download Tv to our iPod or computer, does that mean they too are televisions?

Writing for the BBC Q&A report

Consider this your Wednesday blog entry, delivered a few hours early. I'll be busy getting inducted into the world of mentors and mentees tomorrow, so offer you this entra-long posting to fill the gap. The Q & A: Writing for the BBC event at Edinburgh's Filmhouse today was, in reality, a Writing for River City event. Suits me, as the show represents the best hope for new, wannabe TV drama writers based in Scotland.

I've been watching the show faithfully for six months now and am loving it. I get the impression a lot of people sneer at River City, but the show certainly doesn't deserve it. If you base your opinion of the show on a few episodes from when River City was first broadcast back in 2002, I suggest giving it another try - you might well be surprised how far it has come. My favourite new character has to be manipulative minx Iona [pictured], who's trouble with a capital T.

As for the Q & A report, you'll have to forgive any misspellings, faulty grammer or confusions in what follows. I was typing furiously on my iBook and struggled to keep up. Any mistakes are mine, all mine - sorry. Anyway, enough of my witterings: here comes the juice.

Q & A: Writing for the BBC – August 15, 2006 – The Filmhouse, Edinburgh

The 90-minute session was moderated by Katherine Beacon [KB hereafter], a project director with BBC North’s branch of the Writer’ Room [WR]. She was joined by River City [RC] executive producer Sandra MacIver [SM] and frequent RC writer Sergio Casci [SC]. The Head of Television Drama for BBC Scotland, Anne Mensah [AM], was in the audience and did contribute a couple of answers when asked. A seven-minute show reel of RC was screened, to give a flavour of it to those who don’t regularly watch it, before Katherine, Sandra and Sergio talked and took questions.

KB: Writers’ Room gets 10,000 unsolicited scripts a year. It accepts postal submissions only.

A second series of The Chase is being commissioned for 2007 and there will be an opportunity coming on the Writers’ Room related to that – watch the website!

The Writers’ Academy will be happening again in 2007. 25 writers will be invited to an intensive workshop, 16 carried on from there and finally 8 appointed to the academy, with guaranteed commissions for broadcast TV drama from that.

SM: River City is BBC Scotland’s flagship drama. It has a regular audience of 500,000 people, very good in Scotland. We’re very happy how the show is going. Next year will be our fifth year of production. We’re hugely ambitious for the show and where it’s going. All shows worked differently. I want to talk about how RC works, and opportunities for new writers on RC.

We have 14 writers in our team, and we commission eight episodes a month. RC has four storyliners. Writers in our team have an episode on air every other month, if not every month. The show has lots of long-term arcs – some run for two months, some will run for a year or two. The big, broad arcs are always shaped, but each month we have the finite job of shaping the next eight episodes.

We shoot 4 episodes in ten days, very fast. We write the strands for a block of eight episodes, before the storyliners prepare scene by scenes for the writers. That’s very important to establish the through-line of the stories.

We believe that liberates our writers, they’re don’t need to be scrambling about to develop the strands to hit the continuity beats in each story. What we’re looking for from our writers is fantastic dialogue. We’re very bold with our stories - I don’t believe there is a story we can tell. RC is a very character driven show, it’s all about the truth of the characters.

The structure we work to allows us to take risks and nurture new writing, because the system is so disciplined. We want to encourage new talents, that’s certainly been the case for the last two to three years.

We have a new writers’ workshop once a year, it’s a big beast to run. The next workshop will run in December this year. RC receives a huge amount of unsolicited material. We now have someone to go through that material, to work with us on that.

Anyone who wants to be part of the workshop needs to submit a piece of original writing and a critique of the show. Tell us what you feel about the show, the characters and the stories – all on a sheet on A4. Tell us your sense of the show.

If that is well received, we would give you some scenes to write, just a handful. That shows us what your dialogue is like. From that we invite people to attend a workshop. At workshops we have 15-20 writers, we could possibly cope with more.

There we take you through the rigours of RC, the deadlines that you have to hit, how the structure works. Everybody at the workshop writes a script for the same episode, from a supplied scene-by-scene document. They have one week to deliver first draft, just like the writer commissioned to script the actual episode.

When a commissioned writer delivers their first draft, they’ll get notes back and have a week to deliver their second draft. The process is repeated for the third draft – we only do three drafts. The stories are locked off before they go out to the writers. Our motto is story is king. We don’t develop story as writers write their episodes.

[Anyone in the UK outside Scotland can watch RC on 971 on Sky. The BBC Scotland feed can also be accessed via digital, by scrolling through the regional feeds. RC is also available on-demand via NTL.]

SM: We’re committed to new writers and developing new talent in Scotland – writing, directing, across the board. There are nearly 200 people in Dumbarton for half of the year, a huge team. About 120 the rest of the year when single banking. Double banking, we shoot 8 episdes in 15 days, two crews shooting simultaneously.

You need to be watching the show. Some of our writers are London or based in Ireland, but most are based in Scotland.

Sergio Casci [SC]: Started as a broadcast journalist in BBC Scotland. Didn’t like getting the facts right, stressed him. Sent to Italy to help with a documentary about Scots Italians and meet a director who got him into writing drama.

Sergio wrote the “worst screenplay imaginable”. But he carried on, writing short films and some radio drama, including a serial for Women’s Hour. That whetted his appetite for continuing drama. Chose to quit journalism for drama writing, and all his work promptly dried up.

Was involved with RC at the very beginning, wrote episodes 17 & 18 – didn’t enjoy it. A couple of years later Sandra MacIver came on board as executive producer and invited him back.

For people who are professional writers, the single best thing for creativity is discipline - the more somebody imposes that on you, the more creative you can be.

From the moment the writer is commissioned, there is only one month until you’re at director’s draft – there’s no time or margin for error.

On RC it’s about making the characters and the dialogue sing. I’ve never worked on a show that gives me so much freedom by giving you so much structure.

SM: There are four storyliners, two producers and me. We commission on a Friday morning. Then the seven of us will sit down and map out the next eight episodes. The storyliners beat out the stories. We have 6-8 strands across 8 episodes, 28-32 beats per episode. Once we’ve signed off the scene-by-scenes, they go to the writers.

All the writers have different styles and the scene-by-scenes are tailored for specific writers. The writer gets their scene-by-scenes on Wednesday night (or Thursday!]. We have a writers’ forum on Friday to sort out any problems. Sometimes they’ll get their own way, sometimes they won’t.

SC: ON RC, you’re all writing the same movie, so to speak. It’s about the characters, the stories, and the truth of the characters. It’s fundamental to how RC works. People feel a tremendous sense of ownership of their language, their city, their country. If you make dialogue too melodramatic or misuse the language, the audience will know.

SM: The character of Scarlett is such a good example. Her grabbing Andrew by the balls was so in character, so true to the character. You wouldn’t get away with that on most pre-watershed shows, but it was true to her character on RC.

SC: Very little cleverness gets under the wire at RC. Characters will always be true to themselves. If Bob isn’t chirpy, there’s a very good reason. When you’re true to your characters, it gives the series tremendous health. Living in Glasgow, I’ll hear a local phrase and work it into a script. “It smells like a busload of wet students” was one I overheard – and that made it on screen. That’s a tremendous source of satisfaction.

SM: You don’t have to write local dialect for RC scripts, just plain English. The actors will change the script to reflect their character’s particular accent.

We let the story drive the episode, we won’t force something into the cliffhanger just to get a balance of light and shade in.

Sample scripts - we want dialogue, not prose. A short film script is fine. If that seems promising, we’ll ask for sample RC scenes. If you get to the workshop, you’ll be asked to write an episode – one that’s close to transmission. Hopefully you’ll get a commission off the back of that.

Four or five of our core writers came through that workshop process. We have some very established writers on our team, but we’re committed to encouraging new writers. Send your unsolicited material to tahira.iqbal@bbc.co.uk

Be patient – we’re double-banking until the end of October, and programme making takes priority. The producers and SM like to be involved with that process, choosing people to go forward to the workshop.

SM: We haven’t supplied sample scripts of RC in the past. You’re much better to watch the show for at least six weeks to get a better sense of the characters, etc.

SC: RC uses Final Draft, but a very specific layout within that.

SM: We’ve a very loyal young audience, and an awful lot of men watching the show, despite the fact they say they don’t watch soap. Our message board is amazing!

SC: His mother was in hospital, said it went dead when RC was on – no doctors, no nurses, no porters to be found.

The immediacy of continuing drama is fantastic. You can’t change characters to suit yourself, and that’s a good discipline. I feel you need to have learned to write before you go on RC, but it’s a great place to develop. I have a tendency to overwrite and it shows up some much more on RC. Working on RC - you have to be continually match fit, otherwise it won’t be up to the standard required.

SM: You can tell any story and there is no end, there’s no limits put on you.

We storyline in house, but we also have blue sky meetings with our writers, inviting them to be involved with the story development process. Those ideas have to be for at least several months into the future of the show.

SC: Because RC is so well organised, you can spend time on the fun bit – dialogue. You have time to do other work as well. Anyone who is half competent can produce a facsimile of RC – one that looks, tastes and smell like RC. You can just join the dots…

SM: …but we want so much more than that. It is easy to write a bad RC episode.

SC: Producers want something a little bit unexpected. I always try to have something in a script that’s a surprise - a phrase, a moment of interaction, something that goes beyond what I’m given in the scene-by-scenes. I try to add value into every scene.

SM: Some of our writers will step out of the commissioning cycle and they can step back in again. That’s good, that’s healthy. People can take on too much. We don’t drop somebody if they step off the bus for a month.

Your critique: firstly, it shows you’re watching the show, that you have a sense of our stories and our characters. You have to be passionate about a show to write well for it. RC is not for everybody or for all writers.

SC: It has to be fun. If I’m not enjoying an episode as I’m writing it, that’s a signal to me that I’m going wrong, that I need to rethink.

Sandra: There are script editing internship opportunities via BBC Broadcasting House. At RC we have four script editors, and often a trainee. We negotiate funding for that trainee on a regular basis. Keep in touch about that. There’s a reasonably high turnaround in that area, because script editors want to be writers or producers. One of our script editors is leaving next week to become a writer.

AM: There is a push within the BBC to identify teen brands, teen audiences and get them on board. If you are based in Scotland, come and talk to us – we make a lot of drama, there are opportunities.

SM: We’ve got about 30 characters in the show, 15-16 of which are regulars. The editorial team decides whether to phase out characters. There’s always a real sense of consensus about who should stay and who should go. It takes a while for us to make a shout about whether a character should go.

Some characters are introduced to facilitate a story. DCI Hunter was originally just a one-episode character. But if the actor makes an impact, if their character makes an impact, they grow from that into regulars.

SC: Lots of different writers champion different characters, they’ll protect them.

SM: There’s no talk of RC going up to three episodes a week, despite what the papers might say!

Ends.

How long until Judge Dredd is reality?

Headline on the front page of the Guardian newspaper this morning sent a shiver down my spine. For nearly thirty years British science fiction comic 2000 AD has feature the adventures of future lawman Judge Dredd. In his world, the Judges are the ultimate cop - judge, jury and executioner, all in one. They are empowered to dispense instant justice.

Back when Dredd first appeared in 1977, his stories were set in 2099, 122 years in the future. The anti-hero seemed like the stuff of science fiction, his brutal style of law enforcement could never happen here, right? Here's the front page lead on today's Guardian newspaper: POLICE WANT POWERS OF 'INSTANT JUSTICE'.

Read it and weep, creeps...

Doctor Who vs Cross Roads mash-up

Busy, busy, busy

Got 3000 words to write this morning before racing north to Edinburgh for the BBC Q&A for new writers at the Filmhouse this afternoon. Speakers include the BBC's Creative Director of New Writing Kate Rowland [pictured] and River City executive producer Sandra MacIver. I plan to take copious notes and will hopefully share some of those here in the next few days. I'd say tomorrow, but I've got enough deadlines to contend with at the moment without inventing new ones. Besides, tomorrow is induction day for the Scottish Book Trust's words@work mentoring scheme - and that's an all-day extravaganza of stuff. And, quite possibly, things.

So, err, talk amongst yourselves until I get back.

Exclusive: unseen Frazer Irving art

Frazer Irving is among the hottest talents in a new generation of British artists currently making a name for themselves in American comics. Inevitably, he got noticed thanks to some stellar work for 2000 AD. I wish I could claim to have discovered him, but it was my then assistant Andy Diggle who recognised Frazer's talents for what they were, not me. Anyway, after I'd left 2000 AD I commissioned Frazer for an illustrationn to appear on the poster for a local am-dram production of Arthur Miller's classic play, The Crucible. Above is the stunning image he produced. If you like the look of that, check out Frazer's website and blog by going here...

Recommended: Rhodri Marsden

Journalist and musician Rhodri Marsden is currently on tour with Scritti Politti. He's also a rather droll soul, judging by his wonderfully witty online diary. It's well worth a read, so check it out here.

Now That's What I Call Elating

Get my groove well and truly on today. Progressed my current project [TPO book, see below] by more than 7000 words in a day, getting me back on schedule and nudging past the halfway point at the same time. Pleasantly surprised to get the application form for TAPS' scriipt editing workshop in my email inbox. As whispers had suggested, the workshop will probably be some time in October - a bit of a nightmare month for me. But I'll almost certainly apply and cross my fingers. A clash of dates will be utterly irrelevant if I don't get selected, but I'd be well irked if I was fortunate to be chosen and events elsewhere put the kibosh on it. Well irked!

In other news, I am now officially a member of the Writers' Guild of Great Britain. My membership card turned up today, along with a pile of papers I haven't had a chance to read yet [7000 words in a day will have that effect, natch]. I was kind of hoping for a secret decoder ring that would guarantee work as a professional broadcast writer, but maybe that comes later. Anyway, I'm kosher and can hold my head up high as I waft into BAFTA next month for the Guild's Interactive Writing event. Assuming my flight isn't cancelled down to London isn't cancelled by more madness and mayhem.

Sigh. What times we live in, eh?

Progress on some fronts; more to come?

August has turned into a furious slog to complete my revised, expanded and updated edition of THRILL-POWER OVERLOAD: The Official History of 2000 AD, the Galaxy's Greatest Comic. You can watch how that's going by visiting the TPO work in progress blog here. Somewhat insanely, I've set myself a target for each day of 6000 words. I can achieve that with fiction when I know my characters, have a strong and detailed plotline, and a pressing deadline to focus the attention. Non-fiction is much harder, simpler because it needs to be the truth - you can't just make some shit up, people expect accuracy. Juggling transcripts of 50 interviews and a vast pile of reference material does not make for a quick write. But when it all gets too much, I simply have to remind myself how much I want to see all this work collected under one cover. I've been involved with 2000 AD to one extent or another for 16 years now. This is no time to give in to laziness.

Of course, my 6000 words a day target will get well and truly shot to shit next week. Finally secured my ticket for the BBC Drama Q&A at Edinburgh's Filmhouse next Tuesday afternoon. Among the speakers will be Sandra MacIver, executive producer of the BBC Scotland soap River City. It'll be interesting to hear what she has to say about openings for wannabe scribes at the show. According to the blurb for the event, "there will be an announcement about several forthcoming TV writing opportunities open to new writers", so I'll be all ears for that.

Wednesday is induction day for the Scottish Book Trust's words@work mentoring scheme. I'm fortunate enough to be one of those chosen to take part in the project, and will spend the next nine months being mentored by Edinburgh-based writer-director Adrian Mead, as will two other writers. Wednesday is all about establishing the ground rules, getting to know each other and plotting the way forward. It's an exciting opportunity for me, and feels like another increment of progress on my goal to become a screenwriter. I got my first broadcast credit in June, thanks to BBC Radio 4. My aim for the next nine months is getting my first TV drama commission.

In the meantime, it's back to TPO for me. Didn't quite finish my 6000 words yesterday, got another 6000 to do today and I'm losing at least a day and a half to my Edinburgh excursions next week. But I'm almost at the halfway point on my 2000 AD book. Once I pass 60,000 words, the second half shouldn't seem so daunting...

Groovy New York photos

Stumbled across the blog of New Yorker Steve Reed, who posts up lots of groovy photos of his city. You can see more by going here.

Andrew Orton is a fecking genius

Andrew Orton is a graphic designer. Just for fun, he started creating mock-ups of movie posters for various Doctor Who stories, from both the new and old series. You can see them for yourselves by going here, but above and below is a selection of my favourites - enjoy!

Fiends of the Eastern Front: omnibus cover

Amazon.co.uk has posted the cover for my Fiends of the Eastern Front omnibus, coming from publisher Black Flame next February. The book collects the trilogy of novels inspired by the classic 2000 AD serial about vampires in World War II. Can't wait to get my hands on a copy. Find out more by going here.

From Russia With Lust cover revealed

Amazon.co.uk has posted a cover for my Nikolai Dante omnibus, due from publisher Black Flame in February. My, what a big weapon the Russian rogue is holding. He'll have somebody's eye out with that, if he's not careful. Insert your own double entrende here [fnaar]. Click here to find out more about this big, throbbing thriller, etc.

More on montages: eyedropper of doom

Hollywood screenwriter John August also has a handy bit about montage formats for screenplays on his site. Being a bear of very little brain, I managed to completely misinterpret the following:-

INT. MARY’S HOUSE - VARIOUS ROOMS

MONTAGE as Mary chases after the dog, trying to put in the eyedrops. Every time she has him cornered, he manages to escape, ducking under the coffee table or vaulting over the bed.

In my addled brain, I got this image of Mary chasing after the dog while trying to put eyedrops in her own eyes. Do one thing at the time, I thought, don't cripple yourself by multi-tasking! Then I realised she was probably trying to put the drops in the dog's eyes.

Like I said, a bear of very little brain.

Detente. Montage. Chocolate Mousse.

Lucy Vee has kindly answered some of my questions about the best use and practise when it comes to montage in screenplays. See what she had to say by visiting her blog here. Meanwhile, another correspondent in the blogosphere tells me the TAPS script editing course is looking likely for October this year, but exact dates and details are still being firmed up. The cost for that should be under £300, including VAT - a bargain compared to the only other professional script editing course in Britain, run by the BBC [a snip at £700]. I emailed the BBC Training website a month ago to find out when their next course was and never got a reply. But the relevant page on their site now says:

At present there are no dates scheduled for this course. If you're interested in attending please contact training@bbc.co.uk with your name, the name of the course and your contact details. We'll add you to a waiting list and get in touch once dates are confirmed. Alternatively check back here for further updates.

So, I guess it's the TAPS course or nothing.

Girls Aloud, Golden Brown & Clare Grogan's scar

It's both fascinating and worrying to discover what google searches have brought people to this blog. Traffic's doubled in the last few weeks - so why have people stumbled across Vicious Imagery? What were they really looking for? Here's a ten 10 of recent reasons, in no particular order...

The Girls Aloud video for Jump
The late, great letterer Tom Frame
Golden Brown texture like sun
Sometimes it Snows in April
Vicious movie
Suskind perfume imagery
Hawaii 5-0 theme tune
Cast list for BBC drama Sorted
"random facts to impress people with"
and, most worryingly, Clare Grogan's scar

What next? Shania Twain and wooden legs? Sex magic and the theme tune to Button Moon? Amputation fetish monkey spaniel Lily Allen shock horror cruelty?

The mind boggles. One search I do not understand at all. Can anybody explain 'show Street Hawk theme' for me? Plesae?

Sure beats working

Artist Sean Phillips has got a blog where you can see bits of his work in progress. He's one of the nicest and more obscenely talented people in comics, and has yet to get the recognition he deserves (IMHO). Happy to see Sean's doing more work with Ed Brubaker too, they were a dream team on Sleeper. Check the blog here.

A nugget of purest Green

Went to see Scritti Politti play last night in Edinburgh as part of the T On The Fringe concerts in the festival. Been a long, long, long time since I've been a gig without seating, proof of how old I've become. But it was joyous night, with Green in sweet, beautiful voice and a room full of love for him and his music. Well, if you don't count the arsehole who kept shouting out for the band to play Scritti Politti's hits from the 1980s. There's always one. Despite him, a gorgeous concert - lovely.

Support act was My Latest Novel, a serious bunch who could do with learning a little banter - or, at least, how not to mumble. And the occasional chorus might be nice. Green may opt for the verse, verse, verse, bridge, verse, stop structure sometimes, but I counted one chorus in seven songs by My Latest Novel. A bit of Charles Ives influence in one track. Some interesting music, but not many hooks on which to hand your appreciation. Still, I'm off to search iTunes, see if they're any better in the studio.

Best moment of the night? The Sweetest Girl, a song I never thought I'd hear Scritti Politti perform live. So, that's one less ambition to achieve. 993 to go.

Exclusive trailer for Judge Dredd: Origins

2000 AD has launched a new website to host trailers for forthcoming thrills in the legendary British science fiction anthology comic. First to get the treatment is Judge Dredd: Origins, by John Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra. After nearly 30 years of hints, half-truths and propaganda, the origins of Dredd's future-shocked world are being laid bare over the next six months in 2000 AD. Apparently the story will culminate in time for the comic's 30th anniversary next February.

Anyway, check out the site by going here.

More daft Star Wars moments on YouTube

See Darth Vader taunting his staff here.

See a bloke play the Star Wars theme tune - on his banjo.

Savour forgotten 1930s serial Benjamin Kenobi: Space Knight.

More tickets available for BBC TV drama writing Q&A

Several weeks ago a Q&A session about writing for the BBC would be among the many, many, many events happening in Edinburgh during the many, many, many festivals that occur every August. Unfortunately, all the tickets were long gone by the time the BBC publicity machine started telling everyone on its wannabe writers mailing list about the event. Cue much sulking from me. Due to popular demand, the event's been shifted to a larger room and a fresh batch of tickets has been released - but they're going fast. Here's the PR blurb that sparked the ticket frenzy...

Q&A: Writing for the BBC 2pm - 3.30pm Tuesday 15 August, Screen 3, Filmhouse Interested in writing for the BBC? Want to find out about opportunities with BBC Scotland's Drama Department? Come along and put your questions on writing for BBC TV, Film and Radio to Kate Rowland, the BBC's Creative Director, New Writing, Anne Mensah, Head of Drama, BBC Scotland and Sandra MacIver, Executive Producer River City.

There will be an announcement about several forthcoming TV writing opportunities open to new writers. Free tickets can be reserved in person at the Filmhouse, 88 Lothian Road, Edinburgh EH3 9BZ. UPDATE: You can telephone for tickets. Call the main booking ofice after midday on 0131 623 8030. [Thanks to Barry D for the correction!] Capacity is limited so book early!

BBC writersroom identifies and champions new writing and diversity across all BBC platforms. For anyone interested in becoming a broadcast scribe, I recommend regular visits to the site.

La ballon rouge [aka The Red Balloon]

When I was growing up, we had a big, hardback picture book called The Red Balloon that told the story of the film, illustrated with remarkable stills. The story always broke my heart a little as a kid and, like everyone who's ever been lonely in their life at some time, I could empathise with the boy whose best friend is a balloon. So when the bullies attack the balloon...

Anyway, I recently found a copy of the book [only softcover, sadly] and had to buy it. A quick surf of the interweb and I discovered three startling facts: it's 50 years since The Red Balloon was first released. The 34-minute film had no dialogue, only music, sound effects and ambient noise. Most remarkable of all, it won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay that year [beating Ealing comedy classic The Ladykillers, among others].

Who says you need great dialogue to write a great screenplay?

"Applying film standards to TV drama"

There's an interesting interview with John Yorke, the BBC's Controller of Continuing Drama Series and Head of Independent Drama, now up for viewing here. In between the moody shots of him strolling around a rain-lashed EastEnders set, Yorke reveals what he looks for in a new writer's script, where BBC TV drama is headed and offers a few tips on improving scripts. Much of this advice is familiar, but that doesn't make it any less important.

Key strengths new writers need to display are a grasp of structure, an ability to capture the voices of existing characters and having their own, distinctive authorial voice. Of course, there's a Catch-22 for new writers: to get the BBC's attention, you have to send them a script entirely of your own devising, and definitely not a spec script for an existing show. So how, then, do new writers display their ability to capture the voice of existing characters like Dot Cotton? I guess you have to wow the BBC Writers' Room with your own efforts first, and then you'll get the chance to say you can write for Dot Cotton in EastEnders or Mac in Doctors or Charlie on Casualty.

Yorke says the proof of a good character is they have a unique voice and a unique take on the world. Creating characters like that in your own, calling card script is the best way of demonstrating your own voice. Yorke also underlines the importance of theme, and how every storyline in a script should reflect on that one theme, whether the tone of the storyline is comedic, dramatic or tragic. Unsurprisingly, he name-checks fast-paced, younger, sexier shows like Life on Mars, Spooks and Hustle as examples of where the BBC is headed. But Yorke also gaves a bit of love to older audience shows like New Tricks, which has been a significant ratings hit.

Anyway, the interview offers a fascinating - if all too brief - insight into what Yorke wants. [Hmm, I wonder if he'd buy a series of Being John Yorke?] Go and see for yourself...

Pale blinds drawn all day (nothing to do, nothing to say)

Going a bit stir crazy after four days shut in the house, working on my current tome. Nobody else home at the moment, so conversations are proving a little one-sided. Most weeks I'm out in the evening at rehearsals, but tis the summer break and the theatre's dark. Sigh. Might as well get on with work.

Meanwhile, if you like moody monochrome photographs, check out this site.

Sarah Jane Investigates - coming soon?

The BBC's in-house newspaper Ariel yesterday went public with news about a show that's long been rumoured. Children's channel CBBC is developing a Doctor Who spin-off series features the adventures of investigative journalist Sarah Jane Smith. The character played by Elisabeth Sladenwas a companion of the Doctor for three years in the 1970s and got reintroduced in a recent episode of the new series called School Reunion.

There's no mention of Sarah's robot dog sidekick K9, but the rights for metal mutt are held by its creators, Bob Baker and Dave Martin - not the BBC. Indeed, it was recently announced a K9 series was in development for the Jetix network of satellite and digital channels. All of which begs the question: if SJS does get her own series, will she have the services of K9? Perhaps the programme makers will opt for giving Sarah two human assistants, a sort of New Avengers combo - a bruiser for the action sequences, and an intelligent one for the obligatory computer hacking and exposition.

Or perhaps not.

Sorkin speaks (via satellite) at Edinburgh

The mediaguardian website reports that West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin will be speaking at the Edinburgh International Television Festival - via satellite. Sorkin and creative partner Thomas Schlamme will be discussing their new show, Studio 60 on Sunset Strip [pictured above], which debuts this Autumn in America. The pilot episode will be screened at the festival, although unscrupulous pirates have already uploaded it to the world as a torrent file.

All I can say is... arse. I'd love to have heard Sorkin but registering for the festival is £300 and change. That's a little bit outside my price range at the moment.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes: Tony Blair karaoke

See the British Prime Minister singing some David Bowie here. Warning: contains political messages.

Rain, Rocky films and River City

Well, it's August and summer has packed up its sunshine to go on holiday. After a seemingly endless spell of glorious sunshine [actually, about two weeks of mostly glorious sunshine, but that's an endless spell by Scottish standards], the rain is hosing down outside. If only I'd possessed the enthusiasm to cut the grass at the weekend. Guess it'll have to wait.

The digger is still hard to work on the vacant plot of land next to the house, its engine providing a constant vibration and background growl of noise - always a bonus when you're a freelancer writer at home, trying to concentrate on a complex job. I'm hopeful the excavations will be finished sooner rather than later, but that's probably self delusion. Must concentrate harder.

UK screenwriter Chris Parr is offering free script notes for those who want them. He kindly agreed to have a look at my script for Live and Let Live, despite the fact it was for a 10-minute short, not a full-length feature. Best of all, he made several cracking suggestions for improving the look and format of my script. Anybody who's interested in what Chris is offering, visit his blog here.

No word back from the world of CSI, but I imagine Danny Cannon is not lacking for demands on his time. I'm making slow but steady progress on the TPO book, gently inserting new material into the early chapters and rewriting the text as a I go along.

For fun in the evenings I've been watching the five Rocky films in reverse order. Everybody keeps getting younger and better looking, with the exception of Stallone. His physical conditioning in Rocky III and Rocky IV is, well... Let's just say he didn't stint on the gym-time.

Also been watching BBC Scotland's homegrown River City, having recorded Sunday's omnibus edition. The show has gone all gangster, with two Glasgow hardmen sneering and taunting at each other in a Chinese takeaway. It's done with just enough tongue in cheek to make the storyline enjoyable, unlike another soap that recently spent months trying to become Get Carter and only succeeding in becoming Get Real.

After several months of non-stop River City viewing, I've come to appreciate how adept the show's storylines are at slowly introducing and developing new plot threads. Things bubble away under the surface for weeks or even months before bursting through to the surface, making the resulting explosion both surprising and inevitable - a tricky combination to pull off.

This could simply be my imagination, but is River City inching towards having Fi and Shirley become more than just friends? The pair are spending an awful lot of time in each other's company of late, and Shirley didn't bat an eyelid at the news that Fi was a lesbian. I lack the encyclopedic knowledge of past shows some others possess, but a Fi and Shirley fling could be the first grey-haired lesbian relationship on a British soap. Even if the two don't end up together, I suspect Shirley's bull-in-a-china-shop husband George is going to be jumping to all the wrong conclusions before too long. Expect trauma, heartache and long, lingering reaction shots of tormented actors aplenty. As they say in Scots, there'll be greetin' before bedtime...