Innuendo [and out the other] on Doctors #2

Another smut-laden selection of clips snipped from Doctors, courtesy of filth purveyor @DomRobinson. Features a line from one of my episodes around 1:26. Enjoy!

A plethora of double entrendes from 'Doctors'

An utterly filthy Doctors mashup by @DomRobinson, via lovely @LuCorfield.

Writing goals, ambitions and decisions

For a long time, I felt the BBC Writers' Academy would be the fast track to success as a TV dramatist in Britain. It's certainly the fast track to one high volume strand in UK TV - continuing drama. Get in the academy and you're all but guaranteed a crack at EastEnders, Holby City, Casualty and Doctors. If that's what you want - brilliant.

Many fine TV dramatists learned their trade in continuing drama, so I'm not knocking it as a training ground. But to write well for continuing drama you have to love those shows, or at least drink the KoolAid. If continuing drama isn't your first love, you face having to fake loving them for years on end to succeed.

In continuing drama, emerging writers can feel like servants to the machine. Some succeed and get to ascent the rank. Others get rewritten . Some simply get fired, either because they couldn't fulfill the exec's vision, or  couldn't write within the show's tone and format, or  simply couldn't cope with being a cog in a machine.

At one extremity, the writer's job seems little more than taking the storyline documents, adding structure and dialogue, and then outputting several drafts. [That's a gross overstatement for effect, I hasten to add!] At the other end of the spectrum is the delightful Doctors, where writers invent 60% of their episode from scratch.

Continuing drama execs talk about  encouraging new voices - and many of them do. But the show always comes first. If you can't give them what they want on deadline, you will be fired. [That happens on plenty of other UK TV dramas, but the relentless machinery of continuing drama can be particularly crushing.]

The Writers' Academy was set up to counteract the problem of new scribes failing on Casualty and Holby. From memory, 4 out of 5 new writers  used to get booted. The WA has made significant improvements to that, and deserves applause. [Holby or Casualty also run shadow schemes, if the academy route isn't for you.]

But I've decided not to bother trying for the academy again. Some 600 people apply annually and about 30 get invited to a workshop day. That leads to interviews, from which eight are chosen. Talent will out, but it's also a bit of a lottery. I know some very successful screenwriters who've failed with applications, so I'm in good company.

[Why haven't I succeeded? Partly the quality and volume of competition, but mostly it's the scripts I've submitted. Not distinctive enough, not enough individual voice shining through. Last year I made the longlist with a rough first draft. This year, a much more polished version of that script didn't even make the longlist - such is life.]

I've applied four times in six years and never made it to the workshop day. Even if I had, I doubt I would have gone further. Each time I applied, I felt obliged to watch Eastenders, Casualty and Holby in case I make the shortlist. That should be a joy - not an obligation. If I didn't enjoy watching these shows, why would I enjoy writing them?

While I haven't gotten close to the WA, I've written four episodes of Doctors broadcast by the BBC since 2010. Had my second radio play on air. Written ten episodes of Nina and the Neurons for CBeebies. Scripted an acclaimed computer game. Helped establish a groundbreaking Creative Writing MA at Edinburgh Napier University.

I'm enjoying my writing. It's not always fun, certainly not always easy, but I'm challenging myself. Yesterday I finished a first draft of my first feature film screenplay, written on spec. I've enough stories to write to last me a lifetime. So abandoning my Quixotic quest to get into the Writers' Academy doesn't feel like much of a sacrifice.

A tiny part of me feels making this decision is akin to Uncle Monty in Withnail and I, admitting he will never play the Dane. But my ambitions have certainly not ceased or diminished. If anything, not watching endless hours of hospital dramas should free up a lot more time for writing, reading and watching TV drama. Onwards!

Backstage at the London 2012 opening ceremony

Great backstage video from the London 2012 opening ceremony by Elizabeth Bower who was in the Bowie-themed Thank You Tim section. BBC drama fans might recognise her as Doctor Melody Bell on the series Doctors. [Her character was in my trial script which got me on the show, so thank you @ElizabethBower ]

Play to your strengths: medical dramas & mysteries

Suspect my subconscious is telling me something. Just submitted the fourth draft of my fourth episode for the BBC1 medical drama series Doctors and - yet again - I've written a detective story. My second ep of Doctors featured a series regular solving a mystery. So did my third ep. And now, so does my fourth ep [due to broadcast in May].

Why do I keep writing mystery stories for Doctors? Because I love crime narratives. When I go on holiday and have the rare opportunity to read for pleasure, not research, crime fiction is always my first choice. Deciding what TV drama series to watch next on DVD or Blu-Ray? Shows involving crime and mysteries will tend to be chosen first.

It's an abiding sadness for me that I never got to write for The Bill before it was cancelled by ITV. The show wouldn't entertain pitches from new writers who had less than two hours of TV drama credits. My current ep of Doctors brings me up to that magical two hour mark - but too late to write for the cops and criminals of Sun Hill.

The joy of Doctors is the show's immensely flexible format. You can have high farce one day, soul-searing emotional drama the next. Want to write detective stories? You can, especially as the show has a police sergeant and a police surgeon among its regulars. Suits me down to the ground, so I should probably play to that strength.

Some writers want to be great at everything. By all means strive to keep learning, to improve all aspects of your writing - that's the only way to get better. But I believe it's smart to recognise the styles and genres for which you have a natural enthusiasm and affinity. Playing to your strengths makes sense to me. Onwards!

My incredibly long journey to NOT writing River City

In August 2011 I delivered the first draft of my first commissioned script for River City, a weekly sixty-minute drama on BBC1 in Scotland. All being well, my episode was scheduled to broadcast on Tuesday January 17, 2012 - that didn't happen. Alas, my writing didn't match the expectations of River City and another scribe was allocated that particular episode. Out of historical interest, here is the original blog I posted after submitting my first draft - marvel at the hubris...

Getting to this point has been an incredibly long journey, full of raised hopes and dashed dreams. Plenty of times I despaired of ever reaching where I am right now. Here’s a blog post about all the steps on the way. Warning: this is not brief or pithy.

2006: In February that year I went to a seminar run by Edinburgh writer-director Adrian Mead. By chance I sat next to Louise Ironside, who’d just been taken on as a writer by the BBC Scotland continuing drama series River City. I nabbed her contact details and got in touch in the following week, asking how she’d gotten on the show.

The procedure seemed straight-forward. Watch the show for at least six weeks, then write a two page critique. Submit that to the script office with a sample of your writing. In 2005 a bunch of likely candidates had been selected from the pile of unsolicited, unagented submissions to attend a weekend workshop about the show. Louise went this route and impressed enough to earn a live commission. She aced that, and one script led to another.

I followed the procedure, submitting my critique and a sample by the end of March. [The sample was a ten-page short film script, the first thing I wrote for my MA. At that point I was still in the first year of two on the course, as a part-timer.] Then, I waited. Little did I realise this would be my default setting with River City for the next five and a half years!

Fast forward to August: I hadn’t heard anything but the show’s then executive produce, Sandra MacIver, was a guest speaker at the Edinburgh International Film Festival. I went along, listened carefully, and introduced myself after. She was sorry to hear about the lack of response, and suggested I submit an updated critique. So I did.

September: producer Amanda Verlaque invited a bunch of writers to try out for the show over successive weekends, including me. We were emailed storyline documents for half an episode and given three days over a weekend to turn these into script pages. River City was 30 minutes per episode at the time, so we were writing 14 minutes. Deadline was midday Monday, come hell or high water, with the promise of feedback within a week.

I did my best and submitted the results on Monday morning. Got an acknowledgement by email immediately, promise of feedback to follow. End of that week, I got an apologetic email – feedback was coming, but might be another week. And that was the last I heard without chasing the production office for an answer. Every month I’d get them a nudge.
Sometimes I got an apologetic response, mostly I heard nothing back at all. Round Christmas I gave up hope altogether and stopped watching the show. Why bother, right?

2007: I had an meeting with Sandra in May, trekking out to the Dumbarton studios where River City is filmed to talk about the possibilities of shadowing someone in the storyline or script editing department. Sandra was very welcoming, gave me 45 minutes of her time – but it all came to naught. Couple of months later I got a gentle ‘sorry, no’ email.

Fast forward to September: Twelve months on from being promised feedback within a week, I received a polite rejection letter. I checked round the other people I knew who’d taken the trial, they were all getting the same letter. A guy called Danny Spring was given the job of welcoming everyone to Dumpsville, population: us. I left it a few days, then phoned him to ask for further feedback. He was full of apologies, but my writing from a year earlier had been merely competent. [To my utter mortification, he’d also dug out the original writing sample from March 2006!]

I pointed out I’d finished my screenwriting MA in the meantime, had a play on Radio 4, won an international screenwriting prize, taken workshops in storylining and script editing. In short, I’d been working hard to better my craft skills and writing. Any chance he’d read work more up to date than a script written over a weekend 12 months earlier? Danny was kind enough to agree, so I sent him in my pilot script Families At War. Three months later Danny left River City and I was back to square one. Again. Sigh.

2008: I hadn’t let the grass grow under my feet, writing a successful trial script for another BBC continuing drama series called Doctors. A few days after getting the news I was now approved for submitting story of the day pitches to Doctors, I got a letter from River City. A new arrival in the script department had found Families At War and wrote to tell me all the things that were wrong with it. River City would not be taking on any new writers for at least a year, but I was welcome to have another try then. I wrote back, politely thanking them for the feedback.

I’d stopped watching River City altogether by this point. It underwent internal regime change, moving from two 30-minute episodes to a single 60-minute episode a week, not without hitting a few bumps along the way. I dipped into watching the show occasionally, but with limited enthusiasm. Get your heart broken often enough, you try to stop caring.

2009: Fast forward once more, this time to November. The BBC Scotland drama department had its first open opportunity for what felt like years, a scheme called Scotland Writes. A winner and runner-up got cash prizes, another 20 people got a one-day workshop with the drama department. There was talk of a River City shadow scheme as well for those who got short-listed. I entered – and didn’t make the cut. Such is life.

BBC Scotland’s then-head of drama Anne Mensah had an open Q and A session at Pacific Quay as part of the Scotland Writes initiative, and I went along to introduce myself. To my surprise, she recognised my name from having been a judge for the Red Planet Prize [Families At War was a finalist in the contest that year]. She suggested I talk to River City’s then current executive producer, Morag Bain, about writing for the show.

In fact, I’d already talked to Morag that evening. She said the show was definitely running a shadow scheme soon but I was too late to get on that. Sigh.

2010: Fast forward yet again to February. My first ep of Doctors was broadcast on BBC1. I’d been busy watching River City for the past three months. Striking while the iron was hot, I emailed Morag, citing my first broadcast credit on Doctors. Any chance of River City giving me another look now that Doctors had given me some added legitimacy?

Morag got straight back, said I’d been on her radar a while [news to me!] and passed my details to one of her producers, Jonathan Phillips. I sent in my samples, and waited...

Fast forward to April: all change [again] at River City. By now I knew the drill. When an ongoing series [or a small nation] undergoes regime change, all new business gets put to the bottom of the priority pile. Everyone’s figuring out how things work, so they don’t have time for those knocking on the door from outside.

Fast forward to October and another Adrian Mead seminar. Yes, in a delightful piece of symmetry, I’m right back where I started. This time I went along specifically to meet one of River City’s regular writers, Rob Fraser. Could he suggest who I should be targeting at the show? Rob kindly pointed me at a script editor who’d been at the show all the years I’d been trying to find a way in.

Remember that massive, week-long snowstorm that brought much of the country to a standstill in December 2010? That happened the day I was due to meet the series script editor in Glasgow. After so many years trying to get a foot in the door, I was determined to get to my meeting, even if it meant re-enacting large chunks of The Day After Tomorrow while driving in a Toyota Yaris on roads that best resembled the Cresta Run.

Amazingly, we both made it to the meeting and had a lovely chat in the BBC canteen. The script editor would see what she could do, but could make me no promises. None the less, I went home happy [just as well, the journey back took another three hours]. After so long and so many near misses, this felt like some sort of progress.

By this point I had two eps of Doctors under my belt, another imminent, a London agent, another BBC radio play for the BBC, and was scripting five eps of Nina and the Neurons for CBeebies Scotland. In short, I’d been busy paying my dues and learning my craft.

2011: Fast forward to July, and a meeting with River City’s producer Graeme Gordon and series script editor Ciara Conway. In view of my credits and experience, there was no need for me to complete a shadow script. But they did want reassurance I could write for the show before risking a straight commission. So I did a trial scene by scene, working from story documents for an imminent ep. Playing with live ammo, you might call it.

Fast forward to August. Five and a half years after I starting this incredibly long and frequently strange journey, I have just signed contracts to write an episode of the sixty minute BBC Scotland drama River City. Feels like it has taken me forever to reach this point. Four words keep ringing in my head: don’t fuck it up. Don’t Fuck. It. Up. [Alas, I fucked it up.]

So, what lessons – if any – can be extracted from all of these experiences?

TIMING IS EVERYTHING. That’s not just about submitting at the moment when they happen to have an opening. Unless you’ve got someone on the inside, you’ll probably never know if it’s that moment. No, this is about not submitting before you’re ready. My 2006 try-out was competent at best. I was able to turn storylines into script efficiently enough, but lacked the boldness to transform the stories, make them my own, transmute base metal into golden dialogue and scintillating transitions.

REGIME CHANGE WILL HAPPEN. All continuing and returning drama series undergo some sort of regime change every few years. If you’re not already in the room when that happens, you may be as well to hang back for a while. Yes, this could be the golden opportunity to get a foot in the door while everyone’s looking the other way. But it could also be the worst of times to join the show. New leaders like to impose their stamp on how things are done. Let the dust settle before you dive in.

VALIDATE YOURSELF AS A WRITER. You cannot depend on the approval of others for all of your emotional well-being as a writer. That is asking to get your [metaphorical] teeth kicked in on a regular basis. You will be miserable most of the time because writers get rejections all the time. You have to validate your own worth as a writer. How? By constantly striving to do better, challenging yourself. By learning and, most of all, by writing. Otherwise you’ll become a right moody bastard. Fact.

DON’T TAKEN REJECTION PERSONALLY. I got rejected again and again by various people within BBC Scotland, but I got over it. Most of the times, I wasn’t ready. Other times, they didn’t like my writing. Tough. If luck is where opportunity meets preparation, it’s your job as a writer to be ready when an opportunity does arise. Keep learning, keep improving, keep going. They aren’t rejecting you, they’ve rejected whatever piece of writing you submitted. It happens. Stop whining. Move on.

SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE. When you do get rejected [and you will], turn that negative energy into a desire to be even better – and to prove them wrong. Look for other opportunities. Don’t give up too easily. As a wise man once said, brick walls lets us prove how badly we want things. I didn’t crack River City until after I’d proven myself at Doctors. One success leads to another. So make it happen.

POSTSCRIPT: While nearly all professional TV writers will face reversals at some point in their career, what happened at River City was made all the more gutting by the epic journey that preceded it. But this helped demonstrate the continuing drama was not what I needed to be writing. Just wish I happened spent quite so long chasing the wrong dream! Live and learn...

Want to know more about writing for Doctors?

Oftentimes I'll burble here about writing for the BBC medical drama series Doctors. One of my fellow scribes on the show has started a blog about writing. I met Denise on the Doctors shadow scheme three years ago. Her sixth ep is on soon [double what I've managed!]. Check out her blog for a fresh perspective on writing and the like. Onwards!

A bunch of stuff that happens

It's been a helter-skelter, action-packed fortnight since returning from New Zealand, hence the paucity of fresh blog entries round here. Vicious Imagery often has bursts of feast and famine, much like the career of any freelance creative. Sometimes you're so slammed life takes a back seat; other times you can gather your thoughts.

Do I have any news to report? Let me have a look round... Ahh, yes. While away in New Zealand I got word from my script editor at Doctors that I had a story of the day pitch banked. That should eventually lead to a commission for my fourth episode, which will bring my total amount of TV drama writing credits up to two hours in total.

Why is this significant? The BBC contracts department will consider me an "experienced" writer thereafter, and my rate goes up 25%. You needed two hours under your belt before hour-long cop drama The Bill would consider you. Alas, The Bill is no more, but two hours of credit will still show I'm past absolute beginner status.

I've no idea when my banked story pitch might go live. It's a case of waiting for my script editor to be commissioning an ep whose story of the day requirement chimes with my pitch. That could be weeks, months or even years. Writing for Doctors is not for the impatient. You have to play the long game to achieve your ambitions.

It was a relief to get my pitch banked. I'd had four rejections in a row, including one I thought was an absolute cracker. [Unfortunately, someone had a too similar idea and gotten their story commissioned first - such is life.] My batting average on Doctors is .200, with about one in five of my story pitches getting banked.

What else? Had an exciting meeting on Tuesday past, which opened the door to another opportunity. You'll forgive the lack of specificity, but I'm superstitious and don't want to put the curse on it. Hopefully I can spill the beans in a few weeks. In the meantime, blog posts might be bit sparse round here, so apologies for that.

What else? Went to the second BBC TV drama writers' festival in Leeds this week. It built on the success of last year's event, and - to me, at least - the mood seemed more positive and upbeat. Managed to overcome nerves and introduce myself to one of my writing heroes, Jimmy McGovern. He was thoroughly friendly - result.

I've got a pad full of notes from the sessions I attended, but won't get the chance to transcribe and post them up here for a while. Also got to catch up with three other writers from the Doctors mini-academy I take part in three summers back. It's always good to compare notes, see how we're getting along with our writing.

Like all writers, I get frustrated by rejections and the things that don't happen. But the truth is I've made some big strides forward in three years. I now have an agent. three eps of Doctors on BBC1 to my credit, five eps of CBeebies show Nina and the Neurons, a second radio play, and 2.5 years of postgraduate teaching experience.

Not a bad effort. There's more I want to write - much more - but one a quiet Sunday morning, it's worth pausing to reflect on the journey so far. To enjoy the successes and contemplate the road ahead. As a creative individual, it's easy to focus too much on the destination. You need to enjoy the scenery along the way, too. Onwards!

Been rejected? Shrug, and move on...

[This is a re-post from elsewhere, as Blogger was unhelpful earlier.]

Got my BBC Writers' Academy rejection email yesterday, as did many others. I didn't progress from the longlist of 156 to the top 30 candidates. Bad news: there were at least 30 scripts entered that were better than mine. Good news: I can now make plans for September-December.

Curiously, I was less affected than when I last applied in 2008. Back then the Academy seemed like the be-all and end-all of my ambitions. I'd done a successful trial script for Doctors, but couldn't get a story of the day pitch banked to save my life. I didn't have an agent, didn't have many prospects. It was crushing.

Fortunately, I had the Doctors shadow scheme ahead to help quell my disappointment. That led to my first commission in 2009, and things have snowballed from there. I now have an agent, three eps of Doctors to my name and have written five eps of Nina and the Neurons, due for broadcast on CBeebies this year.

The Academy is no longer the sole focus of my ambitions. Getting in would be a brilliant turbo-boost, accelerating me from 30 minute to hour-long drama. It's a big leap, and one not easily made. The Academy would have helped with that transition, giving me direct access to the likes of Casualty and Holby City.

But the Academy is not the only way to make a great leap forwards. Writing a great, original spec script can get you noticed. If you live in Wales, Scotland or Ireland, you could target one of the drama series made locally. The BBC runs shadow schemes for all its continuing drama series, in addition to the Academy.

Don't forget radio drama, a great place to hone your craft as a writer. The BBC commissions dozens of new scribes every year for that medium. One credit there makes you a more credible prospect. And there are plenty of other schemes and competitions, like Get A Squiggle On and the Red Planet Prize.

If you pin all your hopes on a single opportunity like the Academy, it's like staking your mortgage on a longshot at the Grand National. A few people end up smiling, but most lost out. So for everyone who got their rejection emails yesterday, I know exactly how you feel. It's time to shrug, and move to the next thing.

Onwards!

A brief explanation for recent quietness on this blog

Morning all. Yes, it's been a bit quiet here lately. Thought I'd be blogging all the time after My Six Months of Writing Constantly ended, but that merely gave me a chance to dig into all the other things I've been neglecting. Result: no blog surge. I'm sure you're all learning to live with the disappointment. Here's a swift update.

Went to Glasgow last Monday to watch studio filming at Pacific Quay for one of my Nina and the Neuron episodes. I've scripted five eps for the new series of this science show for pre-shcoolers, all based around Brilliant Bodies and human biology. It was a delight to see the show being shot and everybody made me welcome, which was nice.

I've now been paid for all my recent labours, leaving me in the odd position of not being skint. Six years ago I gave up a lucrative career hacking out media tie-ins to retrain as a screenwriter, with TV drama as my main focus. My income got cut in half while my expenses doubled. Now I'm just back in the black financially, which is nice.

Had two story pitches rejected at Doctors, but have already gotten a new one on the producer's Pile O' Doom and have another in the works. My batting average at Doctors is not great, 5-6 failed pitches for every commission. On that basis I'm nearly due another success, which would be nice. But more effort needed on my part first.

Am heading home of New Zealand for three weeks in June, which means getting a lot of ducks in a row first. The goal is to avoid taking any work with me, as it's the proper holiday for a year. Probably longer, since I spent a lot of the last holiday writing and/or stressing about writing, having taken too much on. As usual. Sigh.

Work is progressing well on my new calling card script. I'm deliberately not dashing out the first draft, as personal history suggests I write better when I take my time. The script will be my sample for the BBC Writers' Academy, assuming I'm happy to submit it. [Applications open on Monday and close four weeks later, fact-fans.]

The process is benefiting from Write Foot Forward, a coaching programme for writers advertised by the BBC writersroom for which I selected. What happens on the programme stays on the programme, but it's been illuminating and very helpful. Nice to be on the other side of the mentoring/coaching process for a change. For now - onwards!

Cutting Room: dream sequence from Doctors - Get Smart

Scenes and sequences get cut from scripts for all manner of reasons. Length and timing are the most frequent culprits, but context can be another. My recent episode of Doctors, Get Smart, happened along after several other eps had used fantasy scenes. As a result, my opening dream sequence got cut between the 4th and 5th script drafts.

These things happen. I'd always been aware the sequence was not essential to the plot, it was more a case of having some fun with the character of Jack. The bad dream did set up his stressed state of mind, and also established the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship of Harry and Jen by showing them together as early as possible.

The solution? Keep the establishing shot opener, but change the knocking of Jack's mobile ringing. Delete scenes two and three altogether. The fourth scene became two scenes, with Karen ringing from reception at the Campus surgery and Jack answering from his bed at uni halls of residence. But that wasn't the whole fix.

Losing the dream sequence meant lovers Harry and Jen wouldn't be seen together until the second half of the ep, which just seemed odd. So a swift rewrite ensured Jen made an appearance with Harry early doors, establishing their relationship. Anyway, here's the dream sequence that got cut after my 4th draft. Make of it what you will...

EP207/SC1. EXT. LETHERBRIDGE UNI. HALL OF RESIDENCE. DAY. 13:50

DREAM SEQUENCE BEGINS:

[SOUND OF KNOCKING]

CUT TO:


EP207/SC2. INT. LETHERBRIDGE UNI. HALL OF RESIDENCE. JACK’S ROOM. DAY. 13:51

JACK, KAREN

DREAM SEQUENCE CONTINUES:

[JACK ASLEEP, SURROUNDED BY TEXTBOOKS]

KAREN (OOV):
Jack, you in there? Jack!

[JACK JERKS AWAKE.

HE OPENS THE DOOR. KAREN BUSTLES IN]

JACK:
Mom? What are you doing here?

KAREN:
Couldn’t get any answer from your mobile.

JACK:
Been up all night studying.

KAREN:
I just popped over to wish you luck for today’s exam.

JACK:
Today?

[HE TURNS TO A LARGE CALENDAR ON THE WALL.

‘EXAM – 11 AM’ IS WRITTEN IN BIG RED LETTERS BESIDE FRIDAY, MARCH 18.

JACK LOOKS AT HIS WRIST WATCH. IT’S 13:52]

JACK:
No, no, no. This can’t be happening.

[JACK BOLTS. KAREN CALLS AFTER HIM]

KAREN:
Best of luck, love!

CUT TO:


EP207/SC3. EXT. LETHERBRIDGE UNI. LIBRARY. DAY. 14:05

JACK, HARRY, JEN

NSE UNDERGRADS

DREAM SEQUENCE CONTINUES:

[JACK HURRIES TOWARD THE LIBRARY AS NSE UNDERGRADS SPILL FROM THE BUILDING.

LOCKED IN A KISS TO ONE SIDE ARE NICE BUT DIM HARRY WELLS (20) AND SAVVY, SELF-ASSURED JEN OLDHAM (19)]

JACK:
Harry! Jen!

JEN:
Where’ve you been?

HARRY:
Mate, you’ve missed the exam.

JACK:
You’re kidding me.

[NSE UNDERGRADS GATHER ROUND, GESTURING AT JACK, SNIGGERING]

JACK:
What are you lot looking at?

HARRY:
I think it’s your trousers.

JACK:
What about them?

JEN:
You’re not wearing any.

[JACK LOOKS DOWN. HORROR FILLS HIS FACE.

HARRY FIGHTS THE URGE TO LAUGH, BUT JEN CAN’T STOP HERSELF.

NSE UNDERGRADS ALL JOIN IN. WITHIN A FEW MOMENTS EVERYONE’S LAUGHING.

NAKED FROM THE WAIST DOWN, HUMILIATED JACK COVERS HIS GROIN]

KAREN (OOV):
Jack? Jack!

JACK:
Mom?

[JACK TURNS ROUND TO LOOK, AND--)

END DREAM SEQUENCE.

CUT TO:


EP207/SC4. INT. LETHERBRIDGE UNI. HALL OF RESIDENCE. JACK’S ROOM. DAY. 13:51

JACK, KAREN

[JACK JERKS AWAKE.

HE OPENS THE DOOR. KAREN BUSTLES IN]

JACK:
What are you doing here?

KAREN:
Popped over to wish you luck for today’s exam.

[JACK SCRAMBLES TO CHECK HIS CALENDAR. ‘EXAM – 10 AM’ IS WRITTEN BESIDE MARCH 21.]

JACK:
You’re early. My next one’s not until Monday.

KAREN:
Just as well, judging by the state of this place.

[SHE HOLDS UP A DODGY PAIR OF BOXERS]

KAREN:
Few less nights out with your mates, you wouldn’t be struggling now.

JACK:
Remind me, how many qualifications did you leave school with?

KAREN:
Don’t you have a go at me, Jack Hollins. If you want to know who’s responsible for your problems, try looking in the mirror.

[KAREN SHOVES THE BOXERS AT JACK]

KAREN:
(LEAVING) And next time you want some laundry done? Do it yourself.

JACK:
Mom, I didn’t mean that, I’m-- (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) --sorry.

[OUT ON JACK’S REMORSE]

CUT TO:

My 3rd Doctors episode is on BBC1 today, 1.45pm

My third TV drama airs on BBC1 at 1.45pm today, called Doctors: Get Smart. Here's the official plot synopsis: Under pressure and with deadlines looming, Jack faces temptation and an ethical dilemma when he discovers a friend's new secret to success. Rob has to face Driver on his last day in CID, while Simon has an eventful first night on call.

DOCTORS: Get Smart, starring:
Jack Hollins • Nicolas Woodman
Dr Simon Bond • David Sturzaker
Rob Hollins • Chris Walker
Harry Wells • Ben Ryan Davies
Dr Zara Carmichael • Elisabeth Dermot Walsh
Karen Hollins • Jan Pearson
DCI Driver • Elizabeth Rider
Mitch Dawson • Richard Lawrence
Jaza Gibson • Natalie Kemp
Mikey Wilcox • Patrick Knowles
Jen Oldham • Susan Wokoma
Professor Oldham • Geff Francis

Producer: Phil Hunter
Writer: David Bishop
Director: Matt Carter
Series Producer: Mike Hobson
Series Producer: Peter Eryl Lloyd

Fri 18 Mar 2011 - 13:45, BBC One
Fri 18 Mar 2011 - 16:00, BBC HD

Write Foot Forward, Nina & things - but not in that order

Spent the weekend in That Fancy London, doing some research and networking [or, as it's also known, seeing some old friends]. Took along the scene by scene for a new calling card script project I'm developing. Wasn't sure if I'd have a chance to look at it, but happily found time to give it some proper attention - with pleasing results.

I spent several weeks on this project last summer, but had to set it aside in favour of paying jobs with pressing deadlines. The combination of writing my third Doctors ep [on BBC1 this Friday], five scripts for Nina and the Neurons [now all officially signed off] and the computer game Fate of the World consumed the last six months.

Now, finally, I'm getting back to my long-gestating calling card script project. Being away from it for six months was frustrating, but useful, giving me fresh perspective on what wasn't working. Took me several hours, lots of coffee and contemplation, but I now possess a functioning scene by scene from which to start a first draft script.

This is, of course, terrifying. An unwritten script is perfect in your head, but the moment it touches paper or forms pixels the flaws emerge. That's first drafts for you. But without a first draft - no matter how imperfect - you can't rewrite. And that's where the shine emerges, turning your rough diamond into something more polished.

So I expect that will be consuming a lot of my writing time for the next six weeks. In an ideal world, the polished version proves good enough to submit as my writing sample for the BBC Writers' Academy. I didn't apply the last two years, but am committed to giving it a go this year. I've certainly progressed since 2008, when I last applied.

Three years ago I had one radio play, a short film screenplay prize and a successful trial script for Doctors to recommend me, along with two dodgy calling card scripts. Now I've got three eps of Doctors, five eps of Nina and the Neurons for CBeebies, another radio play, an agent representing me and an awful lot more experience.

But all the credits in the world won't get you considered for the Writers' Academy unless your original script wows the readers. Then all the other factors come into play. So that's why I need a crackerjack calling card script. Get that right and my chances of all least reaching the selection workshops improve. We shall see.

In the meantime, I'm one of ten writers selected for Write Foot Forward. This is a six-week course run by noted TV drama development executive Jo Calam, designed to help professional writers achieve a more satisfying career. No idea how many applied, but I'm very happy to make the cut. It starts with a conference call tomorrow night.

Not much else to report, aside from that most delightful of arrivals - an unexpected royalties cheque which turns up while I was in London. Titan Books has taken over the list of Reynolds & Hearn, meaning they're now my publishers for The Complete Inspector Morse. The royalties were for the 2009 edition. Expect a 2011 this autumn. Onwards!

Preview: my 3rd Doctors episode is on Friday March 18th

Friday March 18th this year is Red Nose Day, when people across Britain performing all sorts of silly stunts to raise money for the charity Comic Relief. It's also the day my third episode of the TV drama series Doctors is broadcast by the BBC [1.45pm on BBC1, then repeated in glorious high definition on BBCHD at 4pm that same afternoon].

The new Radio Times has made the episode, called Get Smart, its daytime choice for that Friday and even given it a special boxout plug. [Alas, the good old days when the RT bothered to mention the writer of individual episodes got lost in a redesign, but Doctors writers aren't bitter about that. No, not at all.]

Yesterday I received an advance copy of Get Smart on DVD. It's an odd moment, sitting down to watch something you slaved over the script for five or six months ago. I was able to visit the filming on my first two eps, but schedule clashes made that impossible, so I had no idea what the finished version would look like this time.

I'm happy to say the cast and crew have done me proud. Doctors is filmed almost entirely on location, and especially so for Get Smart. That means the crew can move walls to suit themselves, they have to be inventive and find interesting angles that will help tell the story no matter how tight or cramped the location might be.

Personally, I think they've done an amazing job on Get Smart. Having been on location with previous eps and seen the speed with which this production has to work, it's remarkable what Doctors achieves 230 times a year. Wish I could buy them all a pint of their favoured beverage as thanks, but Doctors doesn't pay writers that much.

I'll save my thoughts about the story until after it's been broadcast. There's plenty of process stories to tell, but they won't mean much until you've seen the story. Plus I don't want to spoil the ep for anyone who does plan to watch the broadcast [or, more likely, catch up with it after via the wonders of iPlayer]. In the meantime: onwards!

Progress check: two months into 2011, plus other Febs

Well, that was unexpected: I had the weekend off. I'd been expecting to be cramming to hit deadlines for two different projects, the computer game I've been writing solidly since mid-January, and my last script for Nina and the Neurons, the CBeebies science show for preschoolers. But instead I got signed off on both. Result: free weekend.

So I went into Edinburgh and wandered round some shops, blinking and trying to remember what to do in polite company [it's been a while]. Came home and watched some Six Nations rugby, plus a bunch of new DVDs that turned up in the post: Despicable Me; The Social Network; and the first series of Downton Abbey. Plus the pilot of Hill Street Blues.

Of course, having been working non-stop since xmas, it proved kind of hard to switch off completely. So I commissioned an artist to provide a cartoon visual for a new CBeebies pitch I'm developing. Spent a few amount of time thinking about the new calling card script I resume writing tomorrow. And checked my email far too often [force of habit].

Things I have done since xmas: written five eps of Nina and the Neurons. Vast screeds of text for computer strategy game Fate of the World. Scripted an issue of comic book Fantomen, featuring costumed hero The Phantom. Met with an independent producer to discuss various ideas. Hooked up with a director for a potential short film project.

Agreed to provide text for a new edition of The Complete Inspector Morse, to be published this autumn by Titan Books. Written a new story of the day pitch for Doctors. Been teaching a brand new post-grad module on writing for graphic fiction. And taught MA Creative Writing 2.5 days a week. So it's been reasonably busy.

Having come to the end of both major projects that have occupied most of my time, creative energy and brain space, it's time to think about the path ahead. Whenever I need to ponder the way forwards, I like to look back and see what lessons I can learn from past successes, failures and missteps. Learn from your personal history, it helps.

Five years ago I was still in year one of my part-time MA screenwriting studies. I'd been commissioned to write my first radio play [Island Blue: Ronald, tx June 2006]. Went to my first Adrian Mead screenwriting seminar and learned a lot. Heard how to break in at BBC Scotland's continuing drama River City and decided to have a go.

Four years ago I was nearing the end of my screenwriting MA. I was writing Danny's Toys, a short film script that's opened several doors for me since. Thanks to the Scottish Book Trust, I was being mentored by Adrian Mead in screenwriting for TV. I was also taking every related short course known to man, or so it seemed at the time.

Three years ago I successfully completed a trial script for Doctors, but was told in no uncertain terms it could be months [or more likely years] before I got my first commission - if I ever did. My script Danny's Toys had won an award in Los Angeles, and I was meeting with an animation producer, trying to get it made as a short film.

Two years ago I was still banging my head against the wall at Doctors, trying to get a story of the day pitch banked, let alone commissioned to ep. I'd taken a part-time job with a new creative writing MA at Edinburgh Napier University. And I was part of a team-writing TV drama workshop scheme run at the Lighthouse Arts Centre in Brighton.

One year ago my first TV drama was broadcast, an episode of Doctors called A Pill For Every Ill. Katie Williams at Blake Friedmann became my agent. I was working on my second radio drama commission, Legacy. I was teaching 2.5 days a week. And the executive producer on River City said I had been on her radar for a wee while.

This year? My third ep of Doctors will be broadcast on March 18. One more ep and I'll have two hours of TV drama credits, which elevates me [contractually, at least] to the level of experienced. I'm under no such illusions and am painfully aware of how much I've still got to learn and develop. Like all writers, I'm a work in progress.

I've got five eps of Nina and the Neurons on the go for broadcast later this year. Writing for a younger audience is new for me, something that's only arisen thanks to a writers' lab run by the Scottish Book Trust and CBeebies Scotland run last summer. One thing led to another and now I'm exploring the world of children's TV writing.

I'm still knocking on the door at River City, five years on from my first attempt. Every now and then I feel like I'm getting close, but regime change sweeps through the production offices at Dumbarton and I'm back to square one. Nevertheless, it's an area I'm still pursuing. Sheer bloodymindedness triumphs eventually, that's my policy.

When I chose to study for an MA in screenwriting, I knew it would be expensive. Not so much the course fees [though I was entirely self-funding], but the loss of income from setting paid work aside to study. But it felt necessary. I wanted to write for TV, I knew I could tell a story, but I didn't have the craft skills or contacts to succeed.

So I took an MA to hone my craft skills, and a plethora of other schemes, workshops and opportunities to improve my prospects. Slowly, painfully, it's paying off. I was making a healthy living from the media tie-in hackwork before starting my MA. Nearly six years later, my earnings are just about back to where they were in summer 2005.

There are no guarantees. February 2012 could see me reflecting on a barren year during which I got no new commssions - it happens. But it won't be for want of trying part. I don't claim to be hyper-talented, but I put in the effort and pursue a sound strategy. My favourite mantra is simple: talent + effort + strategy = success. Onwards!

Finishing line beckons for marathan writing stint

Feels like I've been writing non-stop since Christmas. Obviously, the reality is a little different. I teach 2.5 days a week, get 5-6 hours sleep most nights and do enjoy a long bath. But I doubt there's been more than a handful of non-teaching days since Christmas when I haven't been writing [plenty of teaching days too, first thing].

Most weekdays and every weekend have been about writing, writing and more writing. What's been occupying all my time? Computer strategy game Fate of the World is a hearty chunk of that. Wrote 6000 words for that last weekend alone, as the final push is on before the game launches its full version. [A beta version is already out there.]

CBeebies science show Nina and the Neurons has also loomed large. I've completed at least a first draft for four of my five eps, and some second drafts too. A more first draft to come, and plenty of rewrites as well. I've little more than a newborn writer when it comes to capturing the preschool style of Nina, but I hope to be crawl soon.

I've also returned to writing comics for the first time in two years. My 41st script for the Phantom is written to first draft and needs a thorough polish before I submit it to my editor, Ulf. Took a while to get back up to speed, but teaching postgrads about writing for graphic fiction every Friday afternoon has been a useful reminder.

All things being equal, I should be signed off on most of these commitments next week. Suspect I'll need a day or two of drooling in a corner before I recall what the outside world looks like. [Most weekends of time the only time I've left the house in daylight have been supermarket trips. Live to shop, shop to live - that's my motto.]

But right now, March is looking relatively deadline free. There are lots of things I need to progress, most of which have been shoved aside to hit deliveries for Fate of the World and Nina. I'm working with a London director on a short film project that needs a new draft, but that's a writing for fun project rather than paying work.

I've got half a dozen ideas for Doctors story of the day pitches waiting to be written up and submitted. Simply haven't had the time to do any of them justice, so have been scribbling ideas into notebooks, thus justifying my stationery fetish/addiction. Found one on the computer yesterday I'd written a week earlier and since forgotten!

Plus there's the small matter of my new calling card script which got shoved aside last August to write my 3rd Doctors ep. It's been sat waiting for my return ever since, but the game and Nina and teaching and everything else have taken priority. I need to get my new script the attention it deserves, so that's a March job too.

One good thing that arises from being so insanely busy: you don't have time to spend much money. I even got a tax refund last month [my first ever, I suspect] and it's been sat in my bank account ever since, waiting for its moment. Come March, I might get to shop for things other than food and essentials. In the meantime - onwards!

Don't wait for an engraved invitation to write

Two years ago I gave myself a good scolding for waiting around in the hope of receiving an engraved invitation to become a TV drama writer. Things have been going well since then - three commissions for Doctors, got an agent, a few other irons in various fires - but it doesn't hurt to recall the FUCK THE FUTURE manifesto every now and then:

No more excuses, no more waiting for permission to write. Don't stand around talking about what you wish you were writing, or what you're planning to write in the future. Fuck the future. If you want to be a writer, make something happen by bloody writing. That's not rocket science, it's common sense - embrace reality and act on it.

Don't be content to sit on the subs' bench, waiting for somebody - a script editor, a publisher, an agent, a producer or a competition - to invite you into the game. You want to play? Get your boots on, get your freak on and get writing. The only thing stopping you from writing is you. So stop whining and get the fuck on with it. Now!

My report card for 2010 - part 2

There's a lot of things I didn't do, or choose not to do this year. I stopped writing prose fiction after getting mucked about royally for much of 2008 on two proposed novels. To be honest, I haven't missed it. Teaching has filled that space, perhaps. I still have novels I want to write, but for now I'm enjoying other media too much.

I've also gotten out of the comics writing habit. Must be nearly two years since I scripted a new adventure for the Phantom. It got lost in the shuffle, thanks to teaching and TV drama commissions. But I'm working on a couple of story pitches this week, so it's likely I'll be squeezing some comics writing into 2011.

Didn't do a lot of non-fiction during 2010. The publisher of The Complete Inspector Morse sold its list to another company and I've been in discussions with them about an updated edition. There's been a lot of Morse activity, with eight new eps of Lewis [plus four more next spring], and a Morse stage. So that's another project for 2011.

I started a new TV drama calling card script, but it got sidelined by pressing deadlines for paying gigs. That has to change next year. My present calling card isn't bad, but needs rewriting. Plus it's a period piece. Downton Abbey may have taken the curse off period drama, but only if you've got big name talent attached to it.

My new spec is a contemporary piece, a project I'm really passionate about. Being away from it for several months has given me a clearer perspective [as is often the case]. Suspect that when I revisit it, I'll find it's over-stuffed with storylines and needs paring back to give the characters some room to breath, to establish themselves.

I marked a lot of student work in recent weeks. Nothing like seeing the flaws in somebody else's story to make you think on the niggling issues of your own. When in doubt, I've a tendency to add extra plotlines and story threads, rather than digging deeper into the characters I've got, their attitudes, their needs, wants and flaws.

So I have to keep that at the forefront of my mind when I return to my spec. Happily, it's got no further than the scene by scene. I can take it back to treatment stage, strip away the extraneous crapola and get to the heart of my characters. That's where I need to make the writing shine for the calling card to work on my behalf.

What else didn't I do in 2010? Didn't apply for the BBC Writers' Academy. Agonised long and hard about that decision. I knew I needed a new writing sample and didn't have one that felt good enough to submit, for a start. My knowledge of Holby, Casualty and EastEnders was a bit rusty, so that was another factor against going for it.

Getting in the academy is one in 100 odds. In the unlikely event I ever did get in, it would mean three months living hundreds of miles away from home with no chance of commuting. It would mean giving up family, friends and teaching. It would mean writing Doctors, Holby, Casualty and EastEnders - and nothing else. Total commitment.

The academy route isn't the only way forward. I got on to Doctors without it, and am making progress with my career goals, my ambitions. But I'm taking the long, slow route. Getting in the academy effectively turbo-charges parts of your writing career, offers shortcuts that circumvent the long, slow route. It's an alluring option.

In the next month or two I need to make my decision again - go for the academy in 2011, or stick with my own path. Guess that's a watch this space not. In the meantime, I need to set myself some goals for the coming year. Can't guarantee they'll all be specific, measurable and the rest of the SMART acronym, but I'll do my best.

So, what are my key objectives for 2011?

1. Write a new calling card TV drama script.

2. Get at least one new commission for Doctors.

3. Secure a commission for children's TV.

4. Write a feature screenplay.

The calling card TV drama script and screenplay are done to me. The commissioned-based goals do rely on other people for the vital yes, but will only happen if I devote time, wit and creative energy to preparation and securing opportunities. All these are achievable, but require hard work and discipline. Twas always thus. Onwards!

My report card for 2010 - part 1

After a frenzy of deadlines, marking and life-related stuff, the year's now winding down for me and I've got a chance to think. So it's about time for my annual report card, and some thoughts about the way forward in 2011. Feel free to move on if there's nothing for you to see here. This is me, thinking out loud [via the medium of typing, natch].

Last December I was making progress on several fronts. I'd completed my first TV drama commission, writing an episode of Doctors for broadcast in February 2010. I was having fruitful discussions with an agent who was interested in my work. And I'd had some positive feedback about my writing from a significant person within BBC Drama.

So I set myself the following key objectives for 2010: 1) Write a feature screenplay. 2) Get another TV drama commission. 3) Secure representation. 4) More radio drama. Let's see how reality played out in comparison to my goals for this year, shall we?

1) Write a feature screenplay. Epic fail here, I'm afraid. I've got two projects I'm developing as potential features. Well, when I say developing, I think about them a lot and talk about them sometimes. Words on paper or pixels on screen? Not so much. [Sorry, Lucy at Bang2write!] Let's call this one a rollover for 2011, okay?

2) Get another TV drama commission. Win! A double win, in fact. Not only was my first ep of Doctors watched by two million people in February this year, I was commissioned to write two more eps. My second effort was broadcast last month, and my third will tx in March 2011. That proved a lot to me, and has given me a lot of confidence.

Make no mistake, the more I learn, the more I realise how little I know. My craft skills can only improve and the best path to achieving that is experience. I don't have any more stories banked with Doctors, so I need to keep pushing there. Sitting back and basking in what I've achieved isn't an option. More work required.

3) Secure representation. Another win! The agent who was liking my work at the end of 2009 was still liking it at the start of 2010. Katie Williams at Blake Friedmann took me on as a client and has already done some significant work on my behalf. Having an agent doesn't get you work - good writing does that - but it opens many doors.

4) More radio drama. Win, but bit of a pyrrhic victory. The last three years I failed to build on my only success in this field, a 15-minute play for Radio 4. But 2010 changed that as myself and Louise Ironside wrote a two-part conspiracy thriller called Legacy for BBC7 [and an online audio adventure game that complemented the radio play].

I wasn't 100% happy with my efforts. I could blame a lot of external factors, but the simple fact is I didn't pull it off. I learned an immense amount from the experience, particularly about how visual my writing has become. I was seeing the radio play in my head as I wrote it, when I needed to be hearing it - a significant disconnect.

I'm not ready to give up on radio drama yet, but next time - if there is a next time - I need to get my head in the correct writing space. I would like to do more radio drama, but it deserves and requires more commitment than I've been able to give it. I suspect finding the time could be an issue during the first half of 2011.

So, not a bad report card in terms of my major objectives for 2010. But what else have I been doing this year? Teaching part-time on the MA Creative Writing course at Edinburgh Napier University. This takes up 2.5 days a week, a significant chunk of time and energy and creativity. But it can be immensely rewarding and illuminating.

We're now into our second year of teaching the course, armed with the experience gleaned from our first year. Things are running far smoother, we know much more what to expect and the current students are raising the bar above the levels achieved by our first cohort. Hard to believe I've been in the job two years already.

What else? Wrote what proved to be my final script report as a reader for Scottish Screen. I hated the project so much that my report got rejected, and Scottish Screen stopped asking me to read. [Soon after they got folded into Creative Scotland.] It was an interesting sideline for me, but bit of a time-suck so I don't mourn the loss.

Ran quite a few workshops and seminars in festivals, schools and libraries, ranging from 100 adults in Greenock to a dozen 5-year-olds in Bonnyrigg. [If you ever need a current film to cite as an example of story structure, I recommend Shrek - almost everybody over 4 and under 54 has seen it.] Burbled on radio a few times as well.

What else? Got back into computer games writing after several years' absence. First there was dialoguing the Legacy game for the BBC. Then I won the job of writing text for the strategy game Fate of the World. That's an ongoing project which will run into 2011. Few writers make their living from games, but it's a fun medium to visit.

My epic quest to get a writing gig on BBC Scotland continuing drama River City came back to life this year. After past heartbreaks I'd pretty much given up, but that changed in November 2009. BBC Scotland's Head of Drama Anne Mensah read my Red Planet Prize finalist script and urged me to contact RC series producer Morag Bain.

I watched the show for the next three months, so I'd have a better sense of where it was now, before contacting Morag. She was positive and put me in touch with one of her producers. And then River City underwent regime change for the second or third time in recent years, and I was back to square one again. Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.

But I've kept plugging away at the show and watching it faithfully. Having an agent and my ability to secure commissions with Doctors makes me a more credible candidate, should the chance of a trial script ever arise. I'm keeping in touch with people who work on the show. One day this will happen. Let's put it on the list for 2011.

[An aside: there was a great TED lecture a few years back by a guy with a terminal illness. He said lots of life affirming things, and I wrote a few on them on post-it notes that stay in plain sight near my computer. Whenever I despair of cracking a show like River City, I have a look at those notes to remind myself why I keep going.

Note #1: luck is where preparation meets opportunity. This is so true. Plenty of times I've have opportunities and blown them because I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared. Note #2: brick walls let us prove how badly we want things. Also true. If you really want something, you'll find a way - no matter how many brick walls stand in your way.]

What else? I've discovered the joys of TV writing for children. CBeebies Scotland and the Scottish Book Trust ran a lab over several weeks in May and June this year, giving more than a dozen writers based north of the border a chance to learn about creating shows for pre-schoolers. I was lucky enough to be selected for the lab [win!].

It was challenging, exciting and plenty of hard work - especially since it happen simultaneously with writing my second ep of Doctors, plus the Legacy radio play and game projects. But I discovered the joy of creating material for a younger audience and it's definitely an area I'll be exploring more during the year to come.

No doubt there are other things, but I need to get on. In part 2 of my report card I'll look at the areas I didn't venture into during 2010, and set myself some goals for 2011. In the meantime, keep warm. Onwards!

You really should be watching Doctors this week...

...and it's not because I've got an episode on, my next one isn't broadcast until March next week. The show's on an amazing run, with a powerful story threaded through the eps. Doctors always ends the year well, and this may be it's strongest ever. Shocking events lay ahead, without any exploding pubs or trams - just great human drama.

A good friend of Vicious Imagery, Paul Campbell, has written today's episode, If You Want Something Done... It's on BBC1 from 1.45pm, or you can watch it via the iPlayer for the next week. Just go here to find out more. And then there is tomorrow's ep, The Living Gaylights, perhaps the campest thing ever. Don't miss it. Onwards!