The Wonder Year meme

Over at Tyranny of the Blank Page, my old mate Pete Kempshall is contemplating what year of his life to date he'd most like to relive. Hmm, interesting question - and perfect fodder for a fresh meme: If you could go back to live in any one year from your lifetime, which one would you choose?

Well, 1993 is an obvious candidate for me. That was the year my first and second novels were published, fulfilling a life-long ambition to become an author. I also got married, and went back home to New Zealand for the first time since emigrating to the UK at the start of 1990. With all of that going on it's fair to say my editorial work suffered as a consequence, but I had other fish to fry. A good year.

In retrospect 2007 wasn't too shabby either. I completed my MA in screenwriting [with distinction], and was awarded the Napier University Medal. My short film script Danny's Toys won a first prize at the Page International Screenwriting Awards in Los Angeles. And my history of 2000 AD, Thrill-Power Overload, was finally published as a hardcover tome - the culmination of six years' research and writing. So 2007 was something of a high tide mark too.

I'm hoping 2009 will have its share of achievements and landmarks too, but we're only 28 days into the new year so who knows what the remaining 337 days will bring. Right now I'll plump for 1993, but claim the perogative to chance my mind. So, if you could go back to live in any one year from your lifetime, which one would you choose?

I hereby tag Michelle, Lucy, Potdoll, Laura and Jason.

Crisis on Infinite Davids (Version)

The following was inspired by Laura's blog posting Parallel Worlds.

Somewhere there's a David who never left New Zealand. He did get that features job he always craved at the New Zealand Herald, slowly ascending through the ranks. Maybe he resisted the move into management, maybe he didn't. But he always felt creatively frustrated, wishing he was inviting stories of his own instead of writing about other people's stories.

Somewhere there's a David who never left 2000 AD. He stayed in comics, helping new creators fulfill their dreams of making a living from doing what they love. But he couldn't help envying their success or wishing he'd made the leap to freelance writing, like his former assistant Andy. Still, he's looking forward to the new Dredd film.

Somewhere there's a David who wrote an original novel as his first published tome. Maybe it was a great success, maybe it wasn't. Maybe he now lives in New York, laden with awards and paying alimony to his ex-wives. Maybe his first novel was his best and it's been downhill ever since. Maybe he should stop wearing sunglasses indoors.

Somewhere there's a David who took up smoking at school and died of lung cancer. Or who didn't swerve that time and spends his days in a wheelchair. Or who went under the wheels of that Holden Kingswood instead of over the bonnet, and his head burst like a ripe blood orange. Wonder what his last thoughts were?

But I'm this David - former reporter, ex-patriate Kiwi, past editor of 2000 AD, non-smoker, careful driver and frequently jammy. With a bit of luck I'm halfway with my life, still learning, still earning and still pushing myself to try new things. Not sure what the future brings, but - fingers crossed - the best is yet to come. Onwards!

I love the smell of epiphany in the morning

Just finished a beat sheet for my episode of the Lighthouse TV drama team-writing workshop, and had a juicy little epiphany. Nothing huge, more a case of putting together several pieces of the jigsaw and recognising the picture they create. Love it when you get these realisations, seeing things that are obvious once you know them but so elusive until that happens. One flash of inspiration resolves a plethora of nagging doubts. Nice.

Need to write a couple of test pages from my putative script, see if I can find the voices of my guest cast and the regulars. Need to choose scenes that reveal character, advance the plot, have a story arc of their own and feature some flavoursome dialogue. What else? Need to rewrite a plot synopsis for The Phantom, turning an interesting but unfocused one-one into a gripping two-parter. Plus my editor wants another one-off plot synopsis as well.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I'll be in at Napier, and back there again next Monday and Tuesday. Then it's off to Brighton for two days of Lighthouse activity, followed by four nights in That Fancy London. I had hoped to be heading across the Atlantic to Los Angeles two days later, but my parlous finances torpedoed that plan. Need to earn some money above and beyond my part-time work at Napier, to get my bank account back in the black. Onwards!

Is a 50% cut a huge vote of confidence?

ITV announced yesterday long-running UK police drama The Bill is getting cut from two shows a week to one. The show's had a double helping of episodes for a decade, though it started life back in the 80s as a weekly series of one-offs. ITV's also moving The Bill late in the schedule so it starts after the 9pm watershed. That allows for more adult content - swearing, violence, sex, etc. So the kid gloves are off, harsh and gritty is in.

Online buzz suggests the budget per episode is going up, making more stunts and eye-catching sequences possible. But slicing the show's allocation of episodes in half is a sign of troubled financial times in the TV broadcast sector. Imagine if your workplace was told to cut production by half. Imagine what it must have felt like when The Bill's programme makers got that news from ITV. Welcome to 2009, folks - this is the future calling.

But no decision can be announced without someone trying to put a positive spin on it. ITV bosses win today's silver lining prize for the following statements: "I'm delighted to announce The Bill's transition to a weekly 9pm drama,' said Peter Fincham, ITV director of television. 'It's a fantastic opportunity to take the series to another level, marking a new era for one of the most established brands on British television."

CEO Lorraine Heggessey added: "This is a huge vote of confidence from ITV in the show and is a genuine first on UK television. We are incredibly proud of the show and we look forward to embracing the new opportunities this will bring." Will this take the series to another level? It should add extra grit and realism to The Bill. Is a 50% cut a huge vote of confidence? All those losing their jobs as a consequence might beg to differ...

Oscar nominations announced today

After months of speculation and weeks of campaigning, the Oscar nominations get announced today. Hollywood buzz suggests certain films are a lock in the big categories, as are certain actors, writers and directors. Slumdog Millionaire looks to have the Big Mo, with noms for best picture and Danny Boyle as best director. Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon and Milk are other likely best picture candidates, but the 5th slot is up for grabs.

The same few names are touted for best actor [Pitt, Penn, Langella and probably Rourke] with variations at number five. The best actress race is more interesting, though Hathaway and Streep should be prepping their game faces. Will Kate Winslet get her 6th nomination, for Revolutionary Road? And a 7th, for The Reader? She's nominated as best actress for both at the BAFTAs, but Oscar rules mean her Reader role is being pushed as a supporting role.

Went to see The Reader last weekend, and it's daft to call her part a supporting role, but rules are rules. Whether Oscar voters will go along with the supporting actress campaign is another matter. Whatever happens, Winslet is long past due an Oscar - hopefully this year breaks her duck. I've got a lot of affection for Clint Eastwood, so have my fingers crossed he gets a best actor nom for Gran Torino. [Three more weeks till the film opens here.]

As usual, there's no shortage of great candidates for best adapted screenplay. That leaves a little more room for surprises in best original screenplay. The Wrestler seems likely, maybe some Mike Leigh action with Happy-Go-Lucky. Gran Torino could make an appearance, a film supposedly shot from the first draft. And will Babylon 5 creator and comics scribe J. Michael Straczynski need to dust off his tux for writing Clint's other contender, Changeling?

All will be revealed later today. Can't wait.

When loose threads unravel your jumper of plot

Blimey, that was hard work. I've just spent days slaving over a third draft treatment for an episode of the Lighthouse team-writing TV drama project. The house is a tip, I'm fast running out of clean clothes and I even forgot to watch the live coverage of Barack Obama's inauguration as US President. Finally nailed the sucker at ten last night, after a fifteen-hour marathon [preceded by days and days of tortuous plotting and re-plotting].

On the face of it, my third draft should have been a straight-forward task. Most of my second draft was solid stuff, full of twisty-turny machinations and eye-popping moments to excite and intrigue. But there wasn't enough emotional drama, and course leader Phil Palmer was pushing me to dig a bit deeper. The simplest of notes - shift the death of one character from the teaser to later in the story - caused utter chaos in the third draft.

It's like the old joke about pulling one loose thread on a knitted jumper and the whole garment will come apart. The more I tweaked and teased at that single element, the more I had to rework the rest of my narrative. I applied a five act structure to help me keep track of the central guest character's emotional journey, for fear of simply inserting a bunch of repeat beats or Hamlet-esque hand-wringing and vacillation by this character.

I must have rewritten the first two acts half a dozen time, trying to find the right way into the middle section of my story. Apologies for dragging another metaphor into this, but writing act three in a five-act structure can be like get a goat through the digestive tract of a boa constrictor. It's a tight fit, takes a long time and can lead to narrative indigestion. I noticed this before in my writing - it's the middle that bakes my noodle.

Once characters start dying, things get a lot easier. The cast thins out, the stakes get raised to a higher and higher degree of jeopardy and everything accelerates to an almighty, shuddering climax. [Lucy Vee, stop going 'oo-er' in your head.] And so it proved yesterday. Took forever but once I finally pushed through act three everything that followed came so much easier. Thank grud. Trees. Forest. My vision is no longer impaired. Hurrah.

Now there's just the small matter of turning my treatment into a scene by scene breakdown by lunchtime tomorrow. Of course, I'm on call for my part-time job at Napier today and back in the office there tomorrow. So I've really only got until end of play today to nail this sucker and move on. There's scenes to write for next Thursday, and the small matter of finding time for some actual paying work outside Napier. Busy, busy, busy. Onwards!

Doctor Who: Enemy of the Daleks

Big Finish has posted all the details for my Doctor Who audio drama Enemy of the Daleks, on sale for download or on CD from May. [You can pre-order a copy by going here.] I expect there'll be a trailer posted for it in the next month or two, giving me another excuse to plug my story. In the meantime, here's the official teaser blurb:

Doctor Who - Enemy of the Daleks (Duration: 120' Approx)
Starring Sylvester McCoy and Sophie Aldred with Philip Olivier

CAST:
Sylvester McCoy (The Doctor), Sophie Aldred (Ace), Philip Olivier (Hex), Kate Ashfield (Lieutenant Beth Stokes), Bindya Solanki (Sergeant Tahira Khan), Eiji Kusuhara (Professor Toshio Shimura), Jeremy James (Sistermatic / Kiseibya / Male Patient / Male Voice), Nicholas Briggs (Daleks)

SYNOPSIS:
Bliss used to be a paradise planet. The Galapagos Islands of space. But when the TARDIS brings the Doctor, Ace and Hex to Bliss, it’s been over-run with ironweed plants, and the air is heavy with the stench of burnt silk and static electricity.

Worse, the Daleks are coming, on the trail of a lost patrol of starship troopers. Holed up in the Roarke 279 research facility, Lieutenant Beth Stokes is preparing her last stand against the invaders. But there’s a secret on Bliss, a secret guarded by the obsessive Professor Shimura…

This time, could it be the Daleks need saving?

AUTHOR: David Bishop
DIRECTOR: Ken Bentley
SOUND DESIGN: Steve Foxon
MUSIC: Steve Foxon
COVER ART: Alex Mallinson
NUMBER OF DISCS: 2
RECORDED DATE: November 24-25, 2008
RELEASE DATE: May 2009
ISBN: 978-1-84435-409-2
PRICE: £14.99

Plots that turn your heroes into idiots

I once wrote a rather bad Doctor Who novel called The Domino Effect. [Actually, I wrote it four times in an arse-about-face kind of way, but that's another story.] It had some good stuff in it, some well researched moments and the central premise was interesting. But the plot required one of my heroes to act like an idiot, stumbling about in stupid ways to enable events to incur as and when I wanted. This was a mistake and the book sucked as a consequence.

At the weekend I watch an episode of TV drama that did much the same thing. Two heroes got lured into an incredibly slow death trap, believing it to be the location of their enemy. Why did they go there? The mentor character wanted revenge against an enemy who killed the mentor's beloved years earlier. Once trapped, the villain stood on a grille directly above the heroes and monologued at them for a while. [Did the writers not see The Incredibles?]

All through the scene, the heroes make no attempt to hurt the villain. Who goes on a revenge trip, hunting their mortal enemy, and doesn't take a gun? Idiots, that's who. Meanwhile the villain has left a time bomb at the heroes' secret HQ - and set the countdown to 50 minutes. 50 minutes! Why not ten minutes? 25? Having done that, the villain walks out - leaving the HQ front door open. Why? So the young hero's best mate can get inside later.

She arrives with 13 minutes still left on the countdown. Does she evacuate the HQ? No. Does she carry the bomb to the nearby Thames and drop it in the river? No. She reads books, looking for a page on defusing bombs. As you do. The good news is she defused the bomb with two seconds to spare, and found time to help rescue the others heroes from the incredibly slow death trap. And I resisted the urge to throw my remote through the TV screen.

This episode did have something to say. It was all about the nature of heroism, the sacrifices you must make to follow the right path. It was about balance the needs of those you love and doing the right thing. All good thematic material, but buried under a plot that propelled logic through the nearest window. Having done the same thing myself, I know how easy it is to write this kind of story - and how frustrating the results.

Where did flame raisins come from?

In recent years I've taken to eating muesli for breakfast [stop laughing at the back - yes, you with the clogged colon]. Not the world's most exciting start to the day, but it gets the job done. However, there's been a recent rash of flame raisins in every brand of muesli I try, which leads me to ask one question: where the hell did flame raisins come from? I'd never even heard of flame raisins two years ago, now they seem to be everywhere.

Were they invented in a laboratory by some crazed scientist, like the Kiwifruit? [True story: the New Zealand Department of Scientific and Industrial Research created the kiwifruit by mutating the Chinese Gooseberry. See, crazed scientists can be a force for good, not just evil.] Or have there always been flame raisins and I was simply too pig ignorant to know about them? Or is there a third option, the lever marked Marketing Plot to Sell Stuff.

Twenty years ago I'd never knowingly consumed sundried tomatoes, now they're a handy way of adding flavour to dreary casseroles and suchlike. Then came the sunblush tomato. I can just about buy the sundried tomatoe, that sounds like a real thing - but sunblush tomatoes? What are they, slightly shy in direct sunlight? Is there a more extreme version out there, waiting to be discovered? How long before I can buy sunstrumpet tomatoes, hmm?

While we wait for that strange day, I humbly submit for your consideration this link to a review of the worst comic ever published. Warning: this is most definitely NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK - well, not unless you work in Denmark. The picture below should provide ample proof of what I'm talking about. You were warned.

All about writing better treatments

Can you teach creative writing is one of those vexed questions to which there's no simple, catch-all answer. Later this year I'll be helping teach an MA in creative writing, so I guess the truth will out then. I tend to believe craft can be taught, and craft can get you a long way as a writer. But natural storytellers also have an instinct for what they do. That'd explain why I kept getting novels published when I nil about my craft.

One skill I've developed is an ability to sculpt an easy-to-read treatment. Treatments are something that vex a lot of writers. They resent spending time on treatments, let alone polishing a treatment until it shine. Audiences never see treatments, the logic seems to be, so why bother making them exciting or fun? But treatments are seen by those with the power to advance your work - editors, script executives, producers and literary agents.

So here's what I do to make treatments read better: never uses words like that, just, trying, starting or any variations upon them. That can be eliminated from almost any sentence without altering the meaning or detracting from your prose - in fact, it makes your words leaner and pithier. Same with the word just. Trying and starting are both weak options for a treatment. Somebody opens a door or doesn't - trying to open a door is a bit feeble.

Never have one character telling another character anything. That's flat, dull and lifeless - exposition at its worse. Imbue that action with emotion. Characters should confess, warn, threaten, harangue, plead, beg, confront, challenge. Replace telling with an emotionally-active word and you load the sentence with fresh significance and power. Don't be afraid to pump up the drama, get the reader's pulse racing, make them care what comes next.

Adverbs are forbidden, obviously. Keep sentences short and pithy, make your paragraphs punchy and active. A lot of times you can replace the word and with a comma. Bill jumps the fence and runs toward Audrey is okay. Billy jumps the fence, sprints to Audrey is better. [Of course, I cheated by swapping a few words, but they were more active, more intense than the original version. Intensity good, dull and monotonous words are bad - mostly.]

Don't include dialogue unless it's absolutely vital. Summarise how characters feel, what they're communicating to each other - but don't get bogged down in actual conversations. Eliminate directional words like down and up, they don't often add much. Winnow away at your treatment, aim to cut a page from its length in total. Less is always more, especially when those with the power to advance your project are so starved of reading time.

None of these tricks will improve your plot, make your structure more sound or overcome the many other flaws you're hoping nobody will notice. But they make reading your treatment more pleasurable, which makes people more positive toward your work. A dull, turgid and overwritten treatment can kill enthusiasm within a page or three. A gripping treatment for a thriller, or a chilling treatment for a supernatural yarn can improve your chances.

Time suddenly become more precious

Spent four days in at Napier University last week, getting a fast start on my new job as a creative writing lecturer. My contract says 2.5 days a week, and I'll be sticking to that hereafter. If I don't, I'll never get any writing of my own done and that isn't the plan. Having sliced my working week in half is helping to focus my attention, at least. I don't have time to fritter away, the hours become more precious when you've got fewer of them.

My other weekday was spent in Brighton for day 5 of the Lighthouse TV drama teamwriting workshop. We're now winnowing our material down to its essentials, finding the core story within each episode. I'm writing the series finale, puling together threads developed in the previous five episodes while also telling my own story. It's exciting, challenging and a little terrifying, all at the same time. Got plenty of work to do in the next few weeks.

What else? Grappling with the plot for a new Phantom story, need to nut out a brain bender of an audio idea, and want to develop some fresh story of the day ideas for Doctors. Nailing my first TV drama commission is a key goal for 2009, but I'm the one who has to make that happen. Yes, jobs do fall into your lap sometimes, but that's mostly when you already have experience and expertise. Emerging talents rarely get plumb writing jobs. Onwards!

Enemy of the Daleks cover now online!

The cover for my Doctor Who audio drama ENEMY OF THE DALEKS is now up on the Big Finish site. This reveals two guest cast names, so I can talk about them too. Kate Ashfield played Simon Pegg's girlfriend in Shaun of the Dead, while Eiji Kushuhara's been in most everything you can imagine. I loved him as Mr Toshimoto in dinnerladies, but he also appeared in The Elephant Man, Tenko, A Very Peculiar Practice and was the narrator for Banzai.

Hear me burble on the radio

On Monday I was among the guests for a BBC Radio Scotland show called Book Cafe, talking about the new creative writing MA Edinburgh's Napier University is launching. For those in the UK, you can hear me burble online for the next few days by going here. I'm on at the start with my fellow lecturer Sam Kelly, but we also chip into subsequent discussions with Ian Rankin and others.

My PLR Top Ten 2007/2008

Every year a wonderful organisation called the Public Lending Right sends registered authors a statement indicating how many times their books have been borrowed from British libraries in recent times. To compensate scribes for the lost sale, the PLR pays out nearly six pence per loan. There's also a maximum payment threshold of £6600, to prevent the likes of J K Rowling and other immensely popular authors draining the PLR's coffers.

More than 20,000 authors get payments for the most recent PLR period [July 2007-June 2008], with around 250 getting the maximum amount. I’m a minnow in such matters, but can look forward to a healthy three-figure sum in February. Alas, my new statement is down about 10% from last year, because I didn't have many new titles published and those that did come out weren't big library titles.

All my books from the 1990s are defunct, and titles published in America don't tend to be bought by UK libraries. The first edition of The Complete Inspector Morse has also been retired, but there are two more recent editions still getting borrowed [with a new version coming out next month]. Perhaps the biggest surprise was how few times my 2000 AD history Thrill-Power Overload got borrowed - but it was a £35 book, a big purchase for any library.

Nearly of my tomes were borrowed at least 100 times according to the PLR and two title were taken out more than a thousand times each. My first Fiends novel topped the listings the last two years in succession, but this year gets toppled by... another Fiends novel. Indeed, five of the top six places are occupied by various incarnations of the Fiends thrillers. Here's my top ten tomes for July 2007 - June 2008 (with previous year's placing in brackets):-

1. (-) Fiends of the Rising Sun (published Jul 07)
2. (1) Fiends of the Eastern Front: Operation Vampyr (Oct 05)
3. (2) Fiends of the Eastern Front: The Blood Red Army (Apr 06)
4. (4) Nikolai Dante: Honour Be Damned! (Mar 06)
5. (3) Fiends of the Eastern Front: Twilight of the Dead (Jul 06)
6. (-) Fiends of the Eastern Front: Omnibus edition (Feb 07)
7. (-) A Murder in Marienburg (May 07)
8. (8) I Am The Law: The Judge Dredd Omnibus (Oct 06)
9. (6) Nikolai Dante: Imperial Black (Sep 05)
10. (9) Nikolai Dante: The Strangelove Gambit (Jan 05)

Bubbling under: Doctor Who: The Domino Effect (up from 12th last year), The Complete Inspector Morse 3rd Edition (up from 19th), and Ripped From a Dream: The Nightmare on Elm Street Omnibus (down from 7th).

The Fiends novels represented more than half of all my books published during this period, with my Nikolai Dante romps accounting for nearly one in five of every David Bishop tome borrowed from libraries. Not bad for two series now out of print, especially the Dante books which never sold that well but have acquiring a small cult following. The Fiends novels remain popular, particularly US servicemen, judging by emails I get.

Thanks to everyone of the thousands who borrowed one of my books from a library this past year. I hope you enjoyed the stories I had to tell. Support your local library, it’s a brilliant resource. And thanks to the PLR for finding all this out and disbursing all these funds. It's a nice post-Christmas bonus for me, but for many authors it's their major payday of the year. Long may it continue!

And so it begins...

Today I start work as a part-time lecturer in creative writing at Edinburgh's Napier University. New year, new job and it's the first day of school. I'm having flashbacks to growing up in New Zealand, where the school year coincided with the calendar year [except we were still on our summer holidays in January]. I won't be detailing the ins and outs of my new job, that's not this blog's purpose, but it's still worth a passing mention here today.

In other news an actor's been announced to play the 11th Doctor in Doctor Who. I've seen Matt Smith in a couple of things on TV, but haven't been lucky enough to catch him on stage when he's played some notable parts. It'll be fascinating to see what kind of Doctor he becomes - Emo Doctor, all dark and brooding? Quirky Edward Scissorhands Doctor, all twitching fingers and soulful eyes? Most likely it'll be something else, both richer and deeper.

Spent the last few days agonising over my revised episode treatment for the Lighthouse TV drama teamwriting workshop. Just couldn't seem to get happy with my B story, and I'm still not convinced it's firing on all cylinders. But yesterday was the deadline so I delivered a finished version yesterday. Our next face-to-face is Thursday in Brighton, so I'll be interested to see what the response to my efforts is. Must go get ready for work - onwards!