Thursday, November 30, 2006

Meet the Inappropriate Dad

Right, I'm off to London for the next four days on my TAPS script editing course, so try not to break the furniture while I'm gone - and no teenage parties in here. In case anybody needs entertainment, I've posted four more entries for Michael Caine films - you can read one a day, if you like. Just scroll down to see them.

Immediately below is the script for a radio scene I wrote while on the BBC Scotland writer's lab. I had no idea what I was going to write for five days and then inspiration struck as two words collided in my imagination: Inappropriate Dad. The result was Sweet and Sour Sixteen, which appears below. It features some fruity language, but hopefully also has some laughs, twists and turns. The Enjoy!

SWEET AND SOUR SIXTEEN • by David Bishop

SCENE 1: INT. A HOTEL CORRIDOR.

DAD:
Nearly there, Jamie.

JAMIE:
Nearly where?

DAD:
I told you, son, it’s a surprise.

JAMIE:
Can’t I just—

DAD:
Hey, no peeking! You promised!

JAMIE:
Alright, alright.

DAD:
Here we are: Room six thirteen!

KEY TURNS IN A LOCK AND DOOR OPENS.

JAMIE:
(INHALING) Smells like rotten fruit in there.

DAD:
That’s perfume, Jamie. Dead classy.

JAMIE:
More like dead animal.


SCENE 2: INT. HOTEL ROOM 613.

DAD:
Okay, you can look now.

CHLOE:
Ta-daa!!!

JAMIE:
(BEAT) Oh no.

DAD:
Happy birthday, son!

CHLOE:
You must be Jamie. I’m a present from your dad.

JAMIE:
Oh, God.

CHLOE:
(CLOSE) Call me Chloe.

DAD:
Now that’s what I call a sweet sixteen. And she’s all yours, son!

JAMIE:
All mine?

DAD:
Until four thirty - benefits only stretch so far, eh? ‘sides, I doubt you’ll take that long, what with it being your first time and all.

CHLOE:
(CLOSE) Don’t worry, Jamie - I’ll be gentle with you.

A ZIP SLIDES SALACIOUSLY DOWNWARDS.

JAMIE:
Oh, Christ.

DAD:
Least now your cow of a mother can’t complain I never give you nothing.

JAMIE:
(AFTER A GULP) I… don’t know what to say.

DAD:
Thank you’s traditional.

JAMIE:
Traditional? You’ve hired a prostitute for my birthday! (BEAT) No offence, Chloe.

CHLOE:
None taken, love.

DAD:
My brother did the same for me when I turned 16.

JAMIE:
Uncle Billy’s hardly a role model, Dad - he’s been in prison since 1995.

DAD:
We all make mistakes, Jamie.

JAMIE:
Yeah, and this is one of them! (BEAT) Look, umm...

CHLOE:
Chloe.

JAMIE:
Chloe. Right. Could you give my dad and me a minute alone here?

CHLOE:
Alright darling, I'll step out.

JAMIE:
Thanks.

A ZIPPER IS PULLED SHUT.

CHLOE:
But the meter’s running, if you catch my drift.

RECEDING ECHO OF STILETTO HEELS ON WOODEN FLOOR.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES AS CHLOE EXITS.


DAD:
(CLOSE) You’ll like her, son - Chloe’s very good at her job.

JAMIE:
I don’t care if—(BEAT) How d’you know she’s very good at—(BEAT) Oh, no. Tell me you didn’t…

DAD:
I couldn’t hire any old slapper for my boy, could I? ‘sides, you’re one of her specialities.

JAMIE:
Specialities?

DAD:
Being handicapped and all that.

JAMIE:
You thought that because I’m in a wheelchair I’d need the help of a prostitute to lose my virginity?

DAD:
Well... yeah.

JAMIE:
You haven’t got a fucking clue, have you?

DAD:
Mind your language! I’m still your fucking dad, y’know!

JAMIE:
I’ve seen you three times in the last four years, Dad. Bloody Santa comes round our place more often than you!

DAD:
I’m trying to make up for that!

JAMIE:
By paying some tart to give me a quick fumble on my birthday?

DAD:
It’s a start, innit?

JAMIE:
No, it’s the bloody finish. You’re not my dad, not anymore.

DAD:
Don’t be like that, Jamie—

JAMIE:
Like what? Like my “cow of a mother”? Least she stuck around after the accident!

DAD: That wasn’t my fault, son—

JAMIE: Oh, piss off! (BEAT) I said piss off!

AWKWARD SILENCE.

DAD:
Right. Well. I’ll be going then. (BEAT) Look, if Chloe’s not your type, d’you mind if I...?

JAMIE:
(SIGHING) Fine. Take her with you. Do what you want. You always do.

DAD:
(GOING) Thanks, son - you’re a diamond. See you next year, alright?

JAMIE:
Can’t wait!

RECEDING FOOTSTEPS ON THE WOODEN FLOOR.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES AS DAD EXITS.


JAMIE:
Happy bloody birthday to me.

ENDS.

Films of Michael Caine #25: The Romantic Engishwoman

Cast: Glenda Jackson (Elizabeth), Michael Caine (Lewis), Helmut Berger (Thomas), Michael Lonsdale (Swan), Beatrice Romand (Catherine), Kate Nelligan (Isabel), Nathalie Delon (Miranda), Rene Kolldehoff (Herman), Anna Steele (Annie), Marcus Richardson (David).

Crew: Joseph Losey (director), Daniel M Angel (producer), Tom Stoppard and Thomas Wiseman (writers), Richard Hartley (music), Gerry Fisher (cinematography), Reginald Beck (editor), Richard MacDonald (production designer).

Synopsis: Bored English housewife Elizabeth goes on holiday to Baden-Baden in Germany. She meets Thomas, a handsome young gigolo who smuggles drugs. Elizabeth’s husband Lewis is a writer. He imagines her having an affair. Elizabeth returns home but her attempts to reconcile with Lewis are always interrupted. Thomas sees a man called Swan looking for him and flees Germany. The gigolo writes to Lewis and mentions meeting Elizabeth. Lewis invites the German to dinner, to Elizabeth’s annoyance. Lewis lets Thomas stay with them, employing the gigolo as a secretary. The writer bases a character in his new screenplay on Thomas. Lewis finds Elizabeth and Thomas having sex in the conservatory. The lovers flee to France, where Thomas resumes being a gigolo. He calls Lewis and tells him where Elizabeth is. Lewis drives to France, where he is followed by Swan. Swan finds Thomas and leads him away. Lewis takes Elizabeth back to Weybridge…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thomas Wiseman’s novel The Romantic Englishwoman was first published in 1971. The author collaborated with American-born director Joseph Losey on adapting the book. Losey had helmed noted pictures like The Go-Between (1970) and Accident (1967). Playwright Tom Stoppard then joined the project at the director request. ‘He hardly changed the structure … but he largely rewrote the dialogue,’ Losey told Sight & Sound in 1975.

For his leads the director cast Caine and double-Oscar-winner Glenda Jackson. Caine told Viva magazine he took the role to work with Losey and Jackson. He praised the latter as one of the most brilliant actresses in the world, but added: ‘You only enjoy it professionally with Glenda. She’s charming – but she doesn’t go to lunch, if you know what I mean.’ Losey proved even harder work. Caine bet £10 that he could make the director laugh at least once during filming. He lost the bet. The actor said the part of Lewis was unlike anything he had done before. ‘There was nothing of myself I could bring to that role, so I had to construct the character from the ground up. It was pure performance.’

The picture was filmed in England during Autumn 1974, with location work in Germany and France. Because the movie was being made during the wrong season, Losey shot the middle section first, then the ending and lastly the opening, to get the environments he wanted. This created some discomfort for Jackson, who had to appear naked outside at night for one scene. ‘A film set can be a very draughty place,’ she said in the film’s press book, ‘and a garden in the middle of November isn’t much fun either.’

In his autobiography Caine wrote that Jackson and her on-screen lover, Helmut Berger, seemed to hate each other on sight. Caine found himself acting as intermediary. The production was not a happy experience for him, nor was the end result: ’The film was not only very convoluted it was also downright grim...’ Losey’s first cut ran to 145 minutes, but the director removed near half an hour from this during editing.

The Romantic Englishwoman was released in British cinemas with an AA rating in 1975. Critics were underwhelmed and the response was just as poor in America, where it was rated R. The movie was released on video in 1986, reclassified as a 15, but has since been deleted. The film is available on Region 2 DVD.

Reviews: ‘The most complicatedly trivial film … a highly polished humbug.’ – Observer
‘Caine does well, very well indeed, as the sarky husband, considering that he’d fairly well limited to looking continuously irritated, exasperated and infuriated.’ – Evening Standard

Verdict: Near the beginning of this picture, a film producer describes a screenplay about a woman who goes off in search of herself. Michael Caine’s character describes it as pretentious, derivative and very boring – neatly summing up this movie. The Romantic Englishwoman is a domestic melodrama that tries your patience beyond belief. The three central characters are people you would never want to meet – let along spend two hours watching. Caine gets to shout and play drunk but injects no life into dull, tepid material. The film induces terminal ennui with its witless verbosity and drab visuals. Avoid.

Films of Michael Caine #24: The Wilby Conspiracy

Cast: Sidney Poitier (Shack Twala), Michael Caine (Keogh), Nicol Williamson (Horn), Prunella Gee (Rina), Saeed Jaffrey (Mukarjee), Persis Khambatta (Persis), Ryk de Gooyer (Van Heerden), Rutger Hauer (Blane), Patrick Allen (District Commissioner), Joe De Graft (Wilby).

Crew: Ralph Nelson (director), Martin Baum (producer), Rod Amateau and Harold Nebenzal (writers), Stanley Myers (music), John Coquillon (cinematography), Ernest Walker (editor), Harry Pottle (production design).

Synopsis: In Capetown political prisoner Shack Twala is released after ten years in a South African jail, thanks to his lawyer Rina Van Niekirk. But within minutes the police try to arrest Shack and attack Rina when she tries to stop them. The pair escape with help from Rina’s new boyfriend, a British mining engineer called Jim Keogh. Shack and Keogh have to flee South Africa, but Shack insists on travelling via Johannesburg, 900 miles away. The fugitives are stalked by Major Horn from the Bureau of State Security. He murders a white man who helps the pair and dumps the body in their car boot. Keogh realises Shack is vice-chairman of Black Congress, a political group fighting against apartheid. The fugitives reach Johannesburg where Shack enlists the aid of Indian doctor Mukarjee to recover £750,000 of uncut diamonds. The stones will be used to further Black Congress’s cause. Keogh and Shack are reunited with Rina. She blackmails her estranged husband Blane into flying them across the border into Botswana. They land safely and are welcomed by Wilby, the chairman of Black Congress. But Horn arrives, intent on abducting Wilby and taking him back to South Africa to stand trial. Horn says Shack and Keogh were allowed to escape so they would lead him to Wilby. The uncut diamonds are just fakes. The Black congress members foil Horn’s plan and kill all his men. Keogh realises he can no longer be neutral and murders Horn…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Peter Driscoll’s political thriller about racism in South Africa, The Wilby Conspiracy, was first published in 1972. Screenwriters Rob Amateau and Harold Nebenzal adapted it for the big screen, downplaying the political content and heightening the more cinematic chase element. Ralph Nelson was hired to direct the film, having twice helmed films starring Sidney Poitier. Their first collaboration, Lilies of the Field (1963), had won Poitier a best actor Oscar – the first black actor to be awarded this accolade. Poitier was chosen for the role of political activist Shack Twala, while Caine came on board as British tourist Jim Keogh.

Caine had experienced apartheid while filming Zulu on location in South Africa during 1963, and soon learnt to abhor them. Several years later he also experienced the effects of racism while shooting Hurry Sundown (1967) in the US state of Louisiana. The actor had no time for such attitudes, as his mixed race marriage to Shakira Baksh in 1973 showed. When the chance arose to star in an anti-apartheid thriller, Caine grabbed it.

The Wilby Conspiracy was unable to shoot in South Africa because of the film’s political content. Instead Kenya and Nairobi were used for seven weeks of location work during 1974, with studio sequences lensed at Pinewood back in Britain. The picture was Rutger Hauer’s first English-speaking role and gave a film debut to English actress Prunella Gee. In 1975 she told Film Review about making the movie. ‘As it was my first film, it was a bit of a strain. But Michael kept me doubled up with laughter most of the time. He is so funny. It was quite difficult to do some of the scenes for laughing.’

In Kenya Caine frequently found himself ignored while Poitier received all the adulation. But both actors almost made headlines for the wrong reason. They were filming a high speed scene in a jeep with a camera mounted to the front of the vehicle. The £35,000 camera jolted loose and flew through the empty windscreen, narrowly missing them.

The Wilby Conspiracy was released in Britain during the spring of 1975, rated AA. The picture got a mediocre reception from critics, uneasy at the mixture of politics and action. It reached America in July that year, rated PG. The Wilby Conspiracy was released on video 12 years later, reclassified as a 15. The tape has long been deleted in Britain but can still be found in the US. No DVD edition has yet been issued. {Update: The Wilby Conspiracy is now available as a Region 1 DVD.]

In his autobiography Caine said the picture was worthwhile, even without box office success: ‘This film was my first foray into that very risky realm of “message” pictures, and as such proved to be a bit ahead of its time, but I am still proud that I made it anyway.’ More than 20 years after The Wilby Conspiracy, Caine and Poitier were reunited to play the title characters in Mandela and de Klerk, a 1997 TV project about the end of apartheid in South Africa. The situation portrayed in their 1975 film had become part of history.

Reviews: ‘Somehow the story comes out too much of a pot-boiler undeserving of the fine work that Williamson, Caine and Poitier put into it.’ – Variety
‘Michael Caine has never been better, carrying off his role with a sense of humour that never interferes with the seriousness of the escapade.’ – Daily Express

Verdict: The Wilby Conspiracy is a curious mixture of chase film, buddy movie and political diatribe. It tackles the issue of racism with fervour, but loads the dice by portraying the white racists as evil sadists. There is also a crudity to the picture, with gratuitous nudity thrown in simply to titillate. But the strengths of the three leads and a sardonically humorous script ensure the film is never less than watchable. Nicol Williamson delivers a delightfully eccentric performance as the hunter Horn, while Caine and Poitier spark off each well as the fugitives whose fates are inextricably linked. The Wilby Conspiracy is an enjoyable movie, even if it employs a sledgehammer to make its point.

Films of Michael Caine #23: The Marseille Contract

(US title: The Destructors)
Cast: Michael Caine (John Deray), Anthony Quinn (Steve Ventura), James Mason (Jacques Brizard), Maurice Ronet (Briac), Alexandra Stewart (Rita Matthews), Maureen Kerwin (Lucienne Brizard), Catherine Rouvel (Brizard’s mistress), Marcel Bozzuffi (Calmet), Patrick Floerscheim (Kovakian), André Oumansky (Marsac), Georges Beller (Minierini).

Crew: Robert Parrish (director), Judd Bernard (producer and writer), Roy Budd (music), Douglas Slocombe (cinematography), Willy Kemplen (editor), Willy Holt (production designer).

Synopsis: In Marseilles an undercover agent for the American Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) is murdered while trying to infiltrate the organisation of drug smuggler Jacques Brizard. The crime boss has political connections within France that protect him. The DEA boss in Paris, Steve Ventura, decides the only way to get Brizard is hire a professional assassin. French police inspector Briac arranges a meeting for Ventura with such a killer. The DEA man is surprised to find the hitman is an old friend, John Deray. Ventura gives Deray $50,000 to kill Brizard. The assassin infiltrates Brizard’s family by romancing the drug dealer’s beautiful daughter. Ventura learns Brizard is receiving a massive shipment of drugs soon. Brizard discovers Deray is an assassin and tries to have him eliminated. Deray and Ventura collaborate to bring down Brizard as he oversees the drugs shipment. Briac intervenes, planning to kill Brizard and steal the drugs. Briac and Deray die in a shootout but Brizard escapes. Ventura finds and silently murders Brizard…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In the winter of 1973 producer Judd Bernard approached Caine with an offer – five weeks in a warm climate shooting a thriller with Anthony Quinn and James Mason. ‘It was just after my daughter [Natasha] was born, and to get her out of London in the winter into the south of France was wonderful,’ Caine told Time Out in 1992. ‘I never even read the script. I said: “I’ll fucking do this! I’m out of here!”’

The Marseille Contract was a $2 million movie written by Bernard and directed by American Robert Parrish, who had won an Oscar for editing Body and Soul (1947) before moving behind the camera. Caine said The Marseille Contract was a bad film ‘where I had the best bloody time in my life. We started off in Nice, went to Cannes, St Tropez and wound up in Paris.’ The picture was shot almost entirely on location, with post-production at Pinewood in England. It reunited Caine with cinematographer Douglas Slocombe and stunt driver Remy Julienne, both of whom had worked with him on The Italian Job (1969).

In his 1988 book Hollywood Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, Parrish recalled making the film. ‘It was a pleasure working with James Mason, Michael Caine, and Anthony Quinn. We all tried, but sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.’ The director also wrote about a studio representative on the film insisting that a main character share his initials. The representative demanded the actor playing that character be dressed in expensive monogrammed shirts, and possess a nine-piece set of monogrammed luggage from Louis Vuitton. The representative acquired all of these when shooting concluded.
The BBFC required cuts before passing the film with an A certificate in August 1974. Critics were less than impressed by the results. In America the picture was cryptically renamed The Destructors and rated PG, but also failed to catch fire. It was released on video in 1984 in the US and two years later in Britain, reclassified as a 15. Both tapes have long since been deleted and the film is not available on DVD.

Reviews: ‘A thriller that throws most of the current clichés – crashing cars, bouncing motorbikes, vigilante cops – into one uneasy story and comes up with not very much.’ – Sunday Telegraph
‘The plot … allows Mr Caine to make love and shoot a few people. But judging by his one expression, I’m not sure which he preferred.’ – Daily Mirror

Verdict: The Marseilles Contract is cut-rate thriller material laced with first-rate actors. A slight script never engages you while the actors meander through the action, waiting for their pay packet to arrive. Slocombe’s cinematography gives the picture a look far better than the production’s limited budget or imagination deserves. There’s a spectacular sequence arranged by Julienne with two speeding vehicles playfully duelling on a tight, twisting mountain round that is replicated in the James Bond film Goldeneye (1995). Otherwise, this film offers little of interest. Caine may play an assassin dressed like Jack Carter, but he spends much of his time on-screen grinning like a Cheshire cat. You will probably not share his enthusiasm.

Films of Michael Caine #22: The Black Windmill

Cast: Michael Caine (Major John Tarrant), Donald Pleasence (Cedric Harper), Delphine Seyrig (Ceil Burrows), Clive Revill (Alf Chestermann), John Vernon (McKee), Joss Ackland (Chief Superintendent Wray), Janet Suzman (Alex Tarrant), Catherine Schell (Lady Julyan), Joseph O’Conor (Sir Edward Julyan), Dennis Quilley (Bateson).

Crew: Don Siegel (director and producer), Leigh Vance (writer), Roy Budd (music), Ousama Rawi (cinematography), Antony Gibbs (editor), Peter Murton (art direction).

Synopsis: Major John Tarrant is an MI6 operative trying to infiltrate a ring of saboteurs run by Ceil Burrows and a man called McKee. They kidnap Tarrant’s young son David and demand a ransom of £517,057 in uncut diamonds. That is exactly the amount previously purchased earlier by Tarrant’s boss, Harper. The only people with knowledge of the diamonds are Tarrant, Harper and the General Purposes Committee, headed by Sir Edward Julyan. Burrows and McKee plant evidence to frame Tarrant. The government refuses to pay the ransom so Tarrant steals the diamonds and takes them to a rendezvous in Paris. The major is knocked out and drugged, losing the diamonds. Tarrant is found by French police, lying unconscious beside Burrows’ corpse. He is charged with her murder. McKee helps Tarrant escape custody and tries to have him killed. Tarrant returns to London and traces his son to a black windmill in Sussex. Realising one of the committee members must be involved, Tarrant calls all of them with a message that will lure the traitor to Sussex. Sir Julyan takes the bait. Tarrant storms the windmill, kills McKee and rescues his son…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Black Windmill began life as Seven Days to a Killing, a 1973 novel by Clive Egleton. Leigh Vance adapted it into a screenplay for American director/producer Don Siegel. He came to England in 1973 to make The Black Windmill after 30 years helming high calibre action films, such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) and Dirty Harry (1971). he director a film that explored the archetype again. In the movie’s press book, Siegel stated his first and only choice for the part of Tarrant was Caine. ‘There are actors who are tougher, more handsome, more emotive, but there was only one with a centre solid enough to convey the very complex undertones of this role.’

Caine took the film for the opportunity to work with Siegel. ‘I grew up with his films,’ the actor said in the press book interview. ‘The Black Windmill is a dramatic, suspense plus love story.’ The 11-week shoot began in August 1973, using the working title Drabble. Filming was predominantly location-based at sites in England and France, with some studio work at Twickenham. The picture reunited Caine and Donald Pleasance, who had worked together on Kidnapped (1971).

The Black Windmill was released in 1974, rated A in the UK and PG in the US. Critics considered it one of Siegel’s lesser works. Emma Andrews’ 1978 book The Films of Michael Caine quotes the actor on why the picture did not live up to its promise: ‘I think the gentility of England rubbed off on Don Siegel… It became too sentimental and convoluted.’ The film has never been available on VHS or DVD in Britain, but an American video was released in 1986. [Update: a REgion 2 DVD was released in 2005.]

Reviews: ‘Don Siegel’s filmmaking takes a dip in The Black Windmill … the production fizzles in its final half hour.’ - Variety
‘Slick, craftsmanlike but general undistinguished thriller … Siegel has done better.’ – Maltin’s

Verdict: The Black Windmill is a routine espionage thriller that never surprises. Siegel’s direction is efficient and workmanlike, while Caine gives a taut, controlled performance as Tarrant. But the film’s attempts to create suspense and misdirect the viewer’s suspicions never grip or convince. The Roy Budd music reeks of the 1970s and strongly evokes a later British TV espionage series, The Professionals. Bodie and Doyle would not have looked out of place in The Black Windmill and might well have enlivened the film. This is a minor work in the careers of almost everyone involved.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Let's talk about collaboration

Creative writing tends to be a solitary endeavour. Novelists bash away at their manuscripts for weeks, months, even years largely in isolation. Some have a group of acquaintances they invite to read the book and offer comments, observations, opinions. Some have agents who act as in a way not dissimilar to editors, offering feedback. And then there are editors, copy editors and the like. But - for the most part - writing novels is a solitary occupation. There may be a few writing partnerships, often on what's derisively known as chick lit, but there aren't many truly collaborative novels.

The same applies to many other areas of creative writing - plays, radio drama, screenplays, comics and graphic novels, poetry - you know it, chances are the vast majority of people doing it are doing it solo. They're probably using both hands and ideally all of their fingers, but it's still a lonely activity. [I'm talking about writing here - please, people, try to focus.] True collaboration, the act of multiple scribes writing something together, that's rare in the UK.

Not so when it comes to TV writing in North America. Sitcoms and dramas across the Atlantic generally use a writers' room system, whereby the plot and structure of an episode are bashed out by a collective. This is often known as breaking the story, identifying its individual beats and finding the best order for these to appear. [If anybody owns the Region 1 DVD release of The Shield Season Three, there's a cracking fly on the wall documentary that shows the cop drama's writing staff breaking the story strands for that year's finale - fascinating stuff.]

There have been a few attempts to import this technique to the UK, with limited success. It's perhaps more easily applied to sitcoms, where the need to generate gags and laughs can sometimes be better fed by a collective than an individual or a pair of writers staring at a screen until their eyes bleed. The BBC adopted the writers' room system for its sitcom My Family, which has proved a long-running success with viewers, if not critics. The BBC was also looking to apply the writers' room approach to a new drama called Merlin, but the series did not secure a commission.

Having spent the past six years alone in a room writing for the most part, I would love to experience life inside a writers' room environment. The radio drama writers' lab I went on this month reminded me how much I enjoyed the company of other writers and the creative energy that multiple scribes can generate in a room together. I know that the gender split can sometimes be an issue - we had five male writers and three female - and create it's own dynamic, not always for the better. At the lab the facilitators were very good at managing the room so that never became an issue.

It was fascinating to work alongside writers who are character-led storytellers and literary novelists. They brought a depth of emotion and a richness of language to their writing that tends to be beyond me - it's certainly not something that comes naturally. By comparison, my years in journalism, comics and writing commercially for a living seemed to give me an edge when it came to structure, tautness of prose and self-editing. All the writers quickly came to respect each other's strengths and there were no obvious them-and-us gender divisions.

Of course, while the writers' lab had eight working writers in a room, the focus was on writing for radio, not collaboration. We were each creating our own scenes and ideas, not attempting to marry them al together as a collaborative effort. [That was something we did on the previous, two-day radio drama lab I did. It was frustrating at times, but also creating an over-arching narrative I doubt any of us would have ever stumbled upon working by ourselves.]

There's an interesting piece in The Guardian newspaper today about five female playwrights who were brought together to collaborate on a joint effort. The resulting play, Catch, opens this week at the Royal Court in London. The initiative was inspired by a previous effort in the early 70s, when seven male playwrights collaborated on a play called Lay By. [Back then the men had a female secretary to take notes - times have changed a little.] It sounds as if all the women gained a lot from the experience of writing collaboratively. I just wish there were more opportunities for this to happen within British TV, particularly TV drama. Maybe one day...

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Glasgow meets Peanuts

This is genius: the first Peanuts cartoon, given new dialogue as if the characters were from Glasgow - courtesy of Talking Pish. Warning: not for the easily offended!

In esteemed company, with Ghost Who Walks

I regularly write scripts for The Phantom, a costumed comic hero who's been fighting injustice, piracy and tyranny for nearly 500 years. This character - known as the Ghost Who Walks - started life as a newspaper adventure strip in 1936 and he's still going strong. My stories are published across Scandinavia in various languages by Egmont, and reprinted into English by Australia's Frew Comics. But Egmont is not the only companies that originates new comics starring The Phantom. America's Moonstone Books also publishes new tales featuring the character.

Now Moonstone is putting together an anthology of prose stories starring The Phantom and I was lucky enough to have a tale included in the book. Other scribes in the time include Craig Shaw Gardner, Jim Alexander, Mike Bullock, Ron Fortier, Steven Grant, Clay Griffith, Susan Griffith, C. J. Henderson, Nancy Kilpatrick, Len Kody, David Michelinie, Will Murray, Mike Oliveri and Martin Powell. Above you can see the stunning cover art by Doug Klauba. The book's out next May and you can order the regular paperback version or a special limited edition hardcover from Amazon.com now.

Who you calling Clint Flicker?

Anybody who's ever worked in comics will tell you it can be a dangerous medium. Not dangerous in a firefighter walking into a burning building kind of way. Not even in a rescuing a kitten from a high tree kind of way, come to think of it. Alcohol poisoning at comics conventions can sometimes a problem, and there was the case of the creator so unpopular people wrote obscenities on his forehead in indelible ink while he was insensible from drink - but nothing especially life threatening.

[There was the case of the famous comics artist who thought it hilarious to hide in his work an incredibly libellious accusation about a famous British pop singer who's had hits for fifty years. It got into print but, fortunately, nobody outside the editorial office noticed. The offending text has since been scratched off all copies of the relevant films, to prevent the libel being reprinted. Not exactly dangerous, but it could have been very, very expensive for somebody.]

No, the danger stems from the fact most comics are lettered in UPPER CASE i.e. all the dialogue and text inside caption boxes tends to appear in CAPITAL LETTERS. How could this be dangerous, you ask? Well, for the longest time comics were a mass market medium, printing cheap to be sold cheap.  There's still a tendency for lettering to blob together sometimes, particularly when I follows L.

As a consequence there are two words [plus their variants] in comics dialogue and caption boxes that can get you into all sorts of trouble if you're not careful. Never used the word FLICK or its variants, and never, ever, ever call a character CLINT if you can possibly avoid it. Those of you with deft imaginations or dirty minds will already know where I'm going with this. For those of you that don't here's a classic example from an Avengers comics, where Captain America calls Hawkeye a very rude name indeed. [You kiss your mother with that mouth, Cap?] Look no further if easily offended...

Monday, November 27, 2006

Scotland recognises native comics greats

Next February Edinburgh's Waverley Books is published a full colour graphic novel adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's classic tale Kidnapped, written by Alan Grant and illustrated by Cam Kennedy. It's part of Edinburgh’s UNESCO City of Literature programme that's kicking into gear and an exciting project all round. Well, the news keeps on getting better. The National Library of Scotland - one of the snootiest and least helpful libraries I've ever been inside - has bought Cam's stunning artwork for the nation! Will wonders never cease?

Chris Weston, fiendishly talented

The fiendishly talented Chris Weston has blogged about how he was supposed to be the cover artist for my Fiends of the Eastern Front novels, and even put on display one of the rough images [see below] he'd been developing for the project. check out his blog, it's full of juicy bits and bobs. And what a fertile young man he is too, with a third child due in about a month. How does he find the time?

I heart dinnerladies

"You always get a custard cream, but you don't always gets a Garibaldi." By rights that line of dialogue shouldn't be funny - but it is. If you don't recognise it, the line comes from an episode of Victoria Wood's exemplary sitcom, dinnerladies. The show ran for two series, with six episodes in the first and ten in the second. Wood wrote and starred in the show, but decided to pull the plug with the second series. It breaks my heart there'll never be anymore, but those 16 episodes live on thanks to the joys of DVD. Whenever a blue mood overtakes the house or someone needs cheering up, there's a simple solution - watch some dinnerladies.

Long before Jamie Oliver was singing the praises of such women, Victoria Wood was immortalising them in one of the most touching sitcoms of recent times. Besides being bloody funny, Wood makes you care about the characters. You come to love their quirks and idiosyncracies, rejoice in their little triumphs and smile as they battle against the odds to achieve the mundane. dinnerladies never reaches for the obvious laugh, isn't afraid to exchange comedy for situation and always stay true to its bittersweet tone. It's among my favourite shows of the past ten years. If you don't already own it, go and find the complete boxed set now. The likes of HMV are frequently flogging all 16 episodes for ten quid and that's a bargain in anyone's money.

The Nightmare that never was


A couple of years back I wrote a novel based in the film franchise world of A Nightmare on Elm Street. Suffer the Children seemed to be well received and I decided to pitch another, bringing back some of the characters from my first effort and resolving what had happened to the heroine, a plucky teen called Alex. When last seen she was trapped in an asylum, blamed for a spate of gruesome murders committed by nightmare serial killer Freddy Krueger and - worst of all - apparently carrying Freddy's child. My first Elm Street novel had trodden some fairly well worn ground for the franchise, and I wanted to do something different for the second. One question had arisen while I was writting Suffer the Children - why was Freddy so obsessed with one particular house on Elm Street? I decided answering that question would be the central quest of my new proposal. I wrote it up, Black Flame's editorial team of the time liked the results and it got forwarded to New Line for approval.

Encouraging noises were being made but, alas, it seems sales on the New Line imprint were not enough. The various ranges - Elm Street, Final Destination, Friday the 13th - got wound down and my new book never got commissioned. So, just for fun, here's what I was planning to do in it. Obviously, the final novel might well have differed significantly from this. I suspect the influence of films like The Haunting and Legend of Hell House are all too blatant in this plot synopsis, so that would need to have been addressed. But I thought there were some nice twists and turns in the narrative. Anyways, for whatever it's worth, here's my lost Elm Steet proposal...

Title: HOUSE OF 100 MANIACS

He cursed him in sleeping, that every night,
He should dream of the devil, and wake in a fight…


For decades Freddy Krueger, bastard son of a hundred maniacs, has tormented and slain the children of Springwood in their dreams. Now his doorway to our world, 1428 Elm Street, is due for demolition – but few believe this will lift the killer’s curse from their town.
A team of investigators agrees to spend one night inside the house to discover why Krueger has claimed it as his domain. The team includes a priest, a psychic, a scientist, a psychotherapist and the sole survivor of Freddy’s worst killing spree. A trio of teenagers sneaks into the house on a dare, determined to prove themselves.
But one night within these walls will seem like an eternity in hell!

Characters, Settings:
ALEX CORWIN: Twenty two-year-old survivor from Suffer the Children. She was blamed for the murders of eight people, murders for which Freddy Krueger was responsible. Declared clinically insane, Alex was committed for life to maximum security psychiatric care. Pregnant with Krueger’s child, Alex was effectively catatonic. But she regained her senses after the baby was delivered by Caesarean section, and has been undergoing psychotherapy. Five years on, Alex believes none of it was real – Freddy, the baby, the deaths of her friends. But truth will out.

VINCENT MORTIMER: Alex’s psychotherapist, he came to Springwood after a messy divorce. Vincent arrived at Westin Hills Psychiatric Hospital two years and has made remarkable progress with Alex. He is certain taking Alex back to her old home at 1428 Elm Street is the final step towards recovery. Vincent does not believe in the legend of Freddy Krueger, and certainly places no credence in the idea of a curse. He is a man of science and he is walking into deadly territory.

MIKE WILLIAMS: Former sheriff of Springwood, he was obliged to resign after Suffer the Children. His life has been plagued by Krueger. Now dying of cancer, Williams wants to see an end to Freddy’s poisonous influence on this town, to lift the curse of Krueger from the house at 1428 Elm St. He persuades the town elders to fund an intervention at the house, using his own life savings to help bring together the team of investigators in the hope of cleansing the property.

FATHER DERMOT KELLY: An Irish Catholic priest, fond of the bottle, gambling and numerous other vices. He is a man of god, but a weak man, a man who has lost his faith. He is brought in to perform an exorcism on 1428 Elm Street and finds himself face to face with the devil incarnate. Can he rediscover his belief in God before everyone inside the house is damned to spend eternity in hell?

BARBARA STEWART: A scientist who specialises in debunking notions like ESP and contact with the afterlife. Barbara would be beautiful if she didn’t hide behind her glasses and her lab coat, preferring people to notice her talent instead of her looks. Insecure about herself, she is ill prepared for the reality of what lies buried within the soul of the building on 1428 Elm Street, the true horror of that house.

MORGANE ASH: A self-proclaimed medium and psychic, Morgane says she can commune with the dead and see into the future. She agrees to join the team investigating the Krueger cruse, despite a vision of her own death inside the house on Elm Street. What she discovers inside could tear her soul apart.

JENNY ANDERSON: An 18-year-old student at Springwood High who accepts a dare to spend a night inside 1428 Elm Street. The only girl among five siblings, she has had to fight for everything. Jenny claims she isn’t afraid of anyone, but for five years has been haunted by nightmares of a monster coming to get her – a monster with knives for fingers. Now her nightmares are about to come true.

TERRI SHARP: This 17-year-old is the opposite of her best friend Jenny. A spoiled only child, Terri can have anything she wants anytime she wants. Jenny stood up for Terri in the playground on their first day of grade school and the pair have been unlikely friends ever since. Terri is heading for an almighty fall.

GARY CHAMBERS: Terri’s trouble-making boyfriend is a 19-year-old high school drop-out who wants to have fun now and worry about the future later. He’s had brushes with the law but is braver and smarter than his bad boy image suggests.

FREDDY KRUEGER: The star of the show, he gets off on pain and fear, it makes him stronger. He has a special affinity for the house at 1428 Elm Street, the place where so many of his victims have lived, where so many of his greatest slay-rides have begun. His very essence has impregnated the property and the ground on which it stands, turning 1428 Elm Street into his domain, his territory. Woe betide anyone who dares challenge Freddy Krueger on his home ground…

Plot Synopsis:
CHAPTER ONE: A psychotherapy session between Vincent Mortimer and his patient Alex Corwin, using hypnosis to make her relive the events of ‘Suffer the Children’. Vincent believes she must confront the demons of her past otherwise she will never be free of them. Alex comes face to face with Freddy again. Thanks for the wake-up call, bitch! Alex escapes the nightmare, but she knows Krueger is waiting for her. She still has unfinished business with that bastard…

CHAPTER TWO: A disparate group assembles in Springwood - Catholic priest Father Kelly, noted medium Morgane Ash, scientist Barbara Stewart and psychotherapist Vincent Mortimer - all brought together by former sheriff Mike Williams. The town will pay each of them a considerable sum of money to spend 24 hours inside 1428 Elm Street, if they emerge with an answer to one question: why links Freddy Krueger to that property and how can he be purged from it? Williams is throwing in his own life savings to make this happen. For Williams, this is his last roll of the dice - lung cancer will claim him soon and, if he's going to hell, he wants a clearer conscience when he gets there. He doesn't want to spend eternity in the company of Freddy Krueger. Barbara and Morgane clash immediately, their belief systems are utterly opposed to one another. Father Kelly has little wish to be part of such freak show, but he needs the money after embezzling charitable funds from his parish.

CHAPTER THREE: For Alex, returning to Elm Street is the final step on her path to recovery. Vincent had almost convinced her the events of five years ago were a psychotic episode, nothing more - there is no Freddy Krueger, she must face the consequences of what she did. When they happens, she will be able to live the rest of her life free from nightmares and psychoses. She agrees to go back to her old home on Elm Street, but not because she believes Vincent anymore. She knows Freddy is waiting for her there, she must face him or remain cursed for life. Across town, high school student Jenny Anderson is playing truth or dare with her friends Terri Sharp and Gary Chambers. When Terri asks Jenny if she is still a virgin as her truth question, Jenny opts for the dare instead - sneak inside 1428 Elm Street and bring back a piece of murder memorabilia. Okay, she agrees, but only if you two come with me. Terri and Gary are both up for it.

CHAPTER FOUR: The adults arrive at the front of Alex's old home: it's boarded up, abandoned, awaiting demolition. She feels a shudder of pain and anguish, but Vincent assures her it will be alright. She has to believe in him, believe in the truth - there is no Freddy Krueger. Morgane faints after seeing a vision - they are all going to die inside that house, it's a death trap. For years she has had visions of her own death in just such a place. But she agrees to go inside: better to face your fears than be conquered by them. Father Kelly helps Barbara get her scientific equipment inside, and the others venture in through the front door too. Williams padlocks the front door. Nobody gets in or out for the next twenty-four hours, that was the agreement. I've had the water and electricity supply reconnected for the duration. After midday tomorrow the wrecking ball will be tearing through this place. Let's find some answers.

CHAPTER FIVE: Round the back of 1428 Jenny, Terri and Gary break in through a window and conceal themselves in the basement to avoid being seen by the adults. Williams blocks their exit, so now the trio of teenagers are stuck inside too. Jenny is startled to find a young boy in the basement, his name is Ricky. He can't remember how he came to be there or where his family is. He asks her to look after him, in case the scary man comes again. The scary man? His face was all burned and he had fingers for knives. Jenny is shaken - since puberty her nightmares have been stalked by the same man, clad in a battered fedora and a jersey with red and green horizontal stripes. How could Ricky know that? Could they have been sharing the same nightmares?

The adults soon find the teenagers, but Williams refuses to let anyone out until the deadline is up. Jenny tries calling out on her mobile but is getting no signal. The same is true of all the others. They are cut off, the nine of them. Ten, you mean, Terri says - don't forget Ricky. Ricky? Who's Ricky? The little boy is vanished, no trace can be found of him. The former sheriff says there's long been rumours of a ghost who sometimes appears to residents on Elm Street, the spirit of a boy murdered by Krueger whose body was never found. Perhaps his bones are still inside this house, perhaps that explains why Krueger comes back here.

CHAPTER SIX: Barbara sets up her equipment and begins to run tests on the house. She detects high levels of peculiar energy, the like of which she’s never seen before. If I didn’t know better, I’d say this house was impregnated with… pure hatred. Morgane says it is and holds a séance, calling to Krueger in the afterlife, asking what he wants of them. I want you to die, he snarls in reply, and I’m going to enjoy making it happen. None of you will leave my domain alive. Williams argues with Vincent about Alex. Vincent pleads with the former sheriff not to undo all the good work done in therapy. There’s one thing missing from the official files – whatever happened to Alex’s baby? It was adopted, is all Williams will say. I pray to god that child never finds out the identity of its parents…

CHAPTER SEVEN: Outside, the sun sets and darkness falls. This is when he comes, Morgane whispers. He lives in dreams and nightmares, they are his domain. As the people of Springwood fall asleep, so his strength begins to grow. If one of us should fall asleep within these walls, he will use their subconscious as a conduit to get to us all. The nine of them agree that nobody can fall asleep, for all their safety. But Gary dozes off, having spent all the previous night riding around on his motorcycle. Then the terror begins. Alex has visions of being sliced open from the inside by Freddy's fingerknives, the monster escaping from her womb before going on to kill. Gary's sliced and diced body is discovered and Williams accuses Alex of the killing - it's started, just like it did before.

CHAPTER EIGHT: When the others try to get out, they find they can't - the doors and windows are sealed shut by some inexplicable power. Barbara tries to come up with a reason, but Morgane tells her to accept that science is no match for the power buried inside this house. The supernatural is what we're dealing with now. Freddy begins another killing spree, claiming the inhabitants of 1428 one by one: Father Kelly tries to exorcise the dream demons from this place, but finds his communion wine has turned to human blood - he bleeds to death from stigmata, the others unable to staunch the wounds in the priest's hands, feet and side.

CHAPTER NINE: Alex begins to regress into a catatonic state, unable to cope with her carefully constructed belief system being torn apart - everything Vincent taught her to doubt is coming true again. Barbara and Vincent turn to each other for support and have sex in the master bedroom. But when Vincent goes for a piss he is cut to ribbons by the bathroom mirror exploding - how's that for having a slash? Morgane's tarot cards come to life when she falls asleep and is tortured by their symbols before dying in horrific pain and torment. Terri is next. She sees Ricky and runs after him, down into the basement, then down into the boiler room, down into Freddy's nightmarish domain. He creates a suitably grotesque end for her superficial lifestyle, withering her body to that of an old woman before making her bones shatter like brittle china cups.

CHAPTER TEN: By now there are only four survivors left: Barbara, the catatonic Alex, Williams and Jenny. The former sheriff says all those who got away from Krueger talked about him luring them down into a boiler room. It wasn't so much a place as a state of mind. If you want to find him, that's where the monster will be. His health is fading fast, he can't go with them. He'll stay here, keep watch over Alex. Barbara and Jenny venture down into the boiler room where Krueger is waiting for them. He taunts them with their worst fears, visions of horror and loathing. Upstairs in 1428, Williams meets the boy Ricky. Do you want to play a game, the child asks sweetly? It's called hide and seek. Williams agrees and goes off to hide, leaving Alex in her vegetative state. She drifts in and out of dreams, appearing and disappearing in the boiler room.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Barbara and Jenny play cat and mouse with Krueger, who wounds each of them and then murders Barbara - slicing out her eyes: she blinded me with science! Ricky finds Williams, who says he isn't feeling well. I guess this isn't going to make you feel any better, the child replies, and stabs Williams through the stomach with miniature fingerknives. Alex wakes up to find Williams staggering into the room, bleeding to death. He collapses, gasping a last message: Ricky... Rick... Frederick... Freddy... Ricky was Krueger all along? How is that possible? In the boiler room, Jenny keeps one step ahead of Freddy. She finds Ricky and tries to protect him, not realising his true identity…

CHAPTER TWELVE: Alex remembers what happened five years ago: how Freddy gave her empathic powers, the baby he put in her body, the Caesarean section to remove it – but what happened to the baby? It grew up to become Ricky! In the boiler room Jenny is attacked by Ricky, who turns into Freddy, growing older and scarred before her eyes. As Krueger is about to finish her off, Alex appears – it’s time we finished this, you and me, once and for all.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Alex and Freddy do battle in the dreamscape, Alex using her empathic abilities to get inside Krueger’s mind, to witness his memories – Ricky is Freddy as a child. He lived here at 1428 Elm Street. His father used to beat him in the basement, used to burn him, cut him – little Frederick thought that was how fathers loved their children – it twisted his psyche forever – that’s why he always comes back to this house, why he calls Elm Street home…

Freddy snaps out of his memories, furious that Alex has seen into him – normally he prays on the worst fears and memories of others! Alex tells Jenny Krueger’s secret: he’s a scared little monster, he only a child – he can’t hurt them. Taking their power from each of those who died in the house – Morgane’s supernatural abilities, Gary’s courage, Vincent’s belief, Father Kelly’s faith – Jenny and Alex turn this on Krueger, regressing his to the child he was, trapping him in his own childhood memories. The boiler room is flooded with white light, then is gone.

EPILOGUE: Alex and Jenny wake up on the grass outside 1428 Elm Street. The wrecking crew is waiting to start work demolishing the house. It’s over, at last. The two women don’t notice the small boy playing on the other side of the road, wearing a t-shirt of red and green strips. He finds a worn leather glove with rusty knives protruding from each of the fingers and slips it on: a perfect fit. Come inside now, the boy’s mother calls out. Come inside, Ricky…

THE END.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Films of Michael Caine #21: Sleuth (1972)


Cast: Laurence Olivier (Andrew Wyke), Michael Caine (Milo Tindle), Alex Cawthorne (Inspector Doppler).

Crew: Joseph L Mankiewicz (director), Morton Gottlieb (producer), Anthony Shaffer (writer), John Addison (music), Oswald Morris (cinematography), Richard Marden (editor), Ken Adam (production design).

WARNING! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SLEUTH, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER!

Synopsis: Milo Tindle accepts an invitation to visit the country estate of English crime novelist Andrew Wyke. Milo is having an affair with Andrew’s wife, Marguerite, and wants to marry her. Andrew questions the younger man’s background and financial circumstances. He says Milo cannot afford to keep Marguerite, but the problem can be solved. Andrew persuades Milo to stage a burglary, stealing £250,000 of insured jewels from the house. But afterwards Andrew says this is all a ruse so he can murder Milo and claim the killing was self defence. The writer shoots several bullets from a revolver to prove he is serious before viciously humiliating Milo. Finally, he fires the revolver into the back of Milo’s head. Two days later, a policeman called Inspector Doppler arrives, investigating the disappearance of Milo. He interrogates Andrew and discovers dried blood. The writer claims it was all an elaborate double-bluff to humiliate Milo, but insists the final bullet was a blank.

The inspector arrests Andrew before peeling away his own face to reveal that Doppler is actually Milo. Andrew claims he knew that and was just playing along with the game. Milo says he doesn’t want to play a game – he wants revenge. Milo claims he murdered Andrew’s mistress and then hid four pieces of evidence in the house linking the writer to the crime. The police are due within minutes. Andrew doesn’t believe him, but when he tries to contact his mistress he learns she is dead – strangled. Andrew frantically searches to find all the clues, eventually locating and destroying the murder weapon. Milo reveals this was just another game. Andrew’s mistress is still alive. Milo taunts the author, telling him Marguerite is never come back. Andrew murders Milo but loses their final game – the police are outside, waiting to arrest him…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Anthony Shaffer’s play Sleuth opened in 1970 and became a success on London’s West End, running for nearly 2400 performances. The show was also a smash hit on Broadway in New York, winning a Tony award. But Shaffer didn’t want his script turned into a film, believing any cinema version would stifle the play’s future success. He was persuaded to surrender the film rights and American director Joseph L Mankiewicz began working with Shaffer on an adaptation. Mankiewicz had won Oscars for writing and directing All About Eve (1950), and also for helming A Letter to Three Wives (1949). The two men added new material to keep Sleuth fresh for those who had already seen the play.

Sleuth only had a cast of two, so choosing the right actors was crucial. For the part of Andrew Wyke Shaffer favoured Anthony Quayle, who had originated the role on stage, and Alan Bates as Milo Tindle. Instead Mankiewicz secured the legendary Laurence Olivier as Wyke, even though the actor had once dismissed the play as ‘a piece of piss’. Olivier reportedly chose Caine to be his co-star. The two actors rehearsed for a fortnight before filming began. In an interview on the Sleuth DVD, Shaffer recalls the younger man was frightened of playing opposite the veteran. ‘Michael Caine was really scared about working with Larry Olivier,’ Shaffer says. ‘He thought Olivier would overwhelm him.’

In fact Olivier struggled for the first few days of rehearsals, having just been fired from the National Theatre. Caine talking about the turning point during a public interview at the NFT in 1998: ‘One day he came in with a little moustache and he stuck it on, and suddenly it all went right. He said: “I can never act with my bloody face! I have to have some bloody nose, or something on, and this will do.” But up until then he was floundering about, not know what he was talking about. Larry was crafty. He would do rehearsals, and he’d mumble away and then suddenly he could be this absolute giant of an actor, although he was shorter than me. Sometimes he’d come out of the bloody shadows, like a whirlwind at me, and take me completely by surprise, because he’d never do it in rehearsals. He was a very craft bugger, Larry, and you had to hang on. The greatest review I ever got was after about a week [of filming with Olivier]. He said to me, “I thought at the beginning, Michael, I had a servant. I see I have a partner.”’

Sleuth was shot during Spring 1972. All the exteriors were filmed at Athelhampton House in Dorset, with production designer Ken Adam temporarily adding a hedge maze to the grounds. The interiors were shot on elaborate sets at Pinewood Studios. ‘Ken Adam is a brilliant designer,’ Caine told the Evening Standard when a reporter visited the production in May 1972. ‘He’s given a very weird feeling to the sets. And that’s real oak, you know, in the hall, not a load of old plastic.’

In 1980 Caine told Film Comment that the 16-week shoot for Sleuth was the most exhausting film he had worked on. ‘Incredibly tiring. I’d have six-minute monologues at a time. I used to get home in the evening and say to Shakira, my wife, “I really can’t talk now. I’m sick of the sound of my voice. I don’t want to hear it again. You tell me everything, but don’t ask me any questions. Let me just sit here and listen.”’ With a cast of only two, neither actor could take a day off. Mankiewicz had to shot coverage of everything to give the editor pictures to cut to.

Sleuth was released in American cinemas with a PG rating during December 1972, just in time for consideration at annual awards ceremonies. The picture attracted raves from critics and nominations for Caine, Olivier and best picture at the Golden Globes. At the Oscars Caine and Olivier were both nominated as best actor, but were beaten by Marlon Brando’s performance in The Godfather (1972). Mankiewicz was nominated as best director for what proved to be his final film, while the score was also nominated.

Sleuth didn’t reach British cinemas until 1973, when it was rated AA. Reviews were strong, with many complimenting Caine for matching Olivier on screen in such a demanding part. The film eventually received four BAFTA nominations for Olivier, cinematography, art direction and screenplay. A late night screening of the film inspired a Manchester singer called Morrissey to write ‘This Charming Man’, providing his band The Smiths with their first hit single. The song borrowed a line of dialogue from Shaffer’s screenplay: ‘A jumped up pantry boy who never knew his place.’ ‘This Charming Man’ reached Number 25 in November 1983 and peaked at Number 8 when re-released in 1992.

Sleuth was released on video in 1987 and made its DVD debut in 2002. Shaffer died in November 2001, soon after recording his interview for the DVD. In November 2002 Caine told the Hollywood Reporter he was hoping to remake Sleuth with himself in Olivier’s role and British actor Jude Law taking over Caine’s part. Six months later Variety reported US filmmaking company Castle Rock had acquired the film rights to Shaffer’s play as a vehicle for Law. Playwright Harold Pinter had been commissioned to write a fresh adaptation, having never seen the 1972 film version. The report suggested Caine might co-star with Law in the new adaptation.

Reviews: ‘Although brilliantly plotted, flawlessly constructed, genuinely thrilling and more than usually attentive to character, Sleuth is essentially a piece for the theatre...’ – MFB
‘Mr Caine, with the help of spectacular make-up, shows a range of which one had not expected from this excellent player of layabouts and secret agents.’ – The Sunday Times

Verdict: Sleuth is a flawed diamond of a film – a priceless gem with sparkling dialogue, stunning production design, and two bravura performances from Olivier and Caine. But it still has blemishes. Mankiewicz’s film never truly escapes the theatricality of its source material. The middle section fails to convince because Inspector Doppler is all too obviously Caine in makeup, especially when the wrinkles on his forehead abruptly stop at the front edge of his bald cap. This distracts your attention and makes it difficult to discern whether or not Olivier’s character believes in Doppler. But Sleuth overcomes these problems to deliver a compelling thriller riddled with sly asides about prejudice, the class system and gamesmanship. This film is among the finest of Caine’s long career.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Twelve question movie meme

Here's a movie meme borrowed I contracted from Optimistic Reader...

1. Popcorn or candy?


Popcorn - but never, ever, ever say yes if somebody serving at an American cinema asks if you'd like extra butter on your salted popcorn. What they mean is would you like some old sump oil I found on the floor of my garagge poured over your previously edible snack?

2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.

Raging Bull. I don't know why, but I'm always underwhelmed by Scorcese. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Taxi Driver either. Tsk, what a cultural philistine.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: Who loses theirs and to whom?

Best Picture for Oliver! In fact, any Oscar for any film that includes a screamer in its title.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be?

A Marlyn Monroe dress from Some Like It Hot. NO, not to wear, you freaks - think of the money you could make auctioning it off.

5. Your favorite film franchise is....

Rocky. And there's a sixth one coming out this Christmas, grud help us.

6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?

William Goldman, Robert McKee, Charlie Kaufman, Anthony Minghella and John Cusack. They've all written movies, they've all got strong points of view and the arguments would be amazing - and witty. I wouldn't feed them anything except alcohol.

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?

Embed the point of an icepick into each other, permanently defeaning them.

8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days.

Ripley, of course. She can bring it.

9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?

The night scope sequence form Silence of the Lambs, when Clarice is in total darkness and Buffalo Bill reaches his hand towards her.

10. Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama") is....

Sports films.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?

I'd hire the ten best screenwriters in Hollywood and pay them to mentor half a dozen exciting new writers for the year. Everybody has to write two complete scripts, including the ten best. By the end of twelve months we'd have 140 screenplays and - chances are - some great new movies to make.

12. Bonnie or Clyde?

Bonnie. Never cared much for Warren Beatty.

Films of Michael Caine #20: Pulp (1972)


Cast: Michael Caine (Mickey King), Mickey Rooney (Preston Gilbert), Lionel Stander (Ben Dinuccio), Lizabeth Scott (Betty Cippola), Nadia Cassini (Liz), Dennis Price (The Englishman), Al Lettieri (Miller), Leopoldo Trieste (Marcovic), Amerigo Tot (Partisan), Roberto Sacchi (The Bogeyman), Giulio Donnini (Typing Pool Manager), Joe Zammit Cordina (The Beautiful Thing), Luciano Pigozzi (Clairvoyant).

Crew: Mike Hodges (director), Michael Klinger (producer), Mike Hodges (writer), George Martin (music), Ousama Rawi (cinematography), John Glen (editor), Patrick Downing (production designer).

Synopsis: Mickey King is a pulp fiction author living in the Mediterranean. He is asked to ghost-write a famous person’s autobiography by a man called Dinuccio, but not given the name of his subject. Instead King is sent on a five day coach tour and told he will be contacted. The writer thinks an American called Miller is the contact. Instead King is met by a beautiful woman who takes him to meet the subject of the book. Preston Gilbert was a Hollywood star who appeared in dozens of films as a gangster before being deported to Europe. He dictates his memoirs to King in a week. Afterwards Gilbert organises a lunch for his friends and King at a restaurant. Gilbert is murdered by a man disguised as a priest, but King survives. A clairvoyant gives the writer clues about why somebody wanted to kill the former film star. Gilbert was involved with a scandal years earlier about a teenage girl who died at a hunting lodge while being raped by hunters. The others believed Gilbert was going to mention the incident in his autobiography. King goes to a beach where the girl’s body is buried. The hitman reappears, gunning for the author. King runs him over with a truck, discovering the assassin was Miller. The writer realises he has been shot in the leg. King is taken in and cared for by a powerful political family that was involved with the scandal. He is warned to stay silent or else he’ll be charged with killing Miller…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A trio of Michaels – Caine, Hodges and Klinger – had startled cinema patrons with the brutal realities of Get Carter (1971). A year after that film, the three men reunited for Pulp (1972). This was made from an original screenplay by Hodges, with the working title Memoirs of a Ghostwriter. ‘I wanted to do something light, as a bookend to Carter, to get away from the violence,’ Hodges told interviewer Steven Paul Davies for the book Get Carter and Beyond: The Cinema of Mike Hodges. ‘Mind you, my humour might be described as very surreal and rather bleak.’

The plot about a young girl found dead on a beach was based on a scandal that rocked Italian society in the 1950s. Hodges’ script was also prompted by the rise of neo-fascism in Italy in the early 1970s. The director said Pulp’s off-beat style was inspired by John Huston’s film Beat the Devil (1954). American studio United Artists agreed to help finance Pulp. Hodges went to Italy on a research trip. But when the location manager try to secure the locations chosen by Hodges, they found themselves dealing with the Mafia. The director had a house on Malta and suggested the Mediterranean island as a new home for the production. The film was shot entirely on location during the winter of 1971-1972.

At the time Caine told journalists he did not enjoy working on Malta, complaining about the barren landscape and lack of trees. When asked what no visitor to the island should miss, the actor’s reply was short and pithy: ‘The plane home.’ Twenty years later, Caine had a different recollection of the movie in his autobiography. ‘Pulp never made any real money, but I … had a wonderful experience making it so I remember it with affection.’

Pulp was released in 1972, rated AA in Britain. Critics were bemused by the movie and it failed at the box office. Reviews were stronger in America but the film never got a chance to capitalise on them, quickly disappearing from cinemas. Sixteen years later it was released on video in the US, but has since been deleted. The picture has never been released on VHS or DVD in Britain. [Update: Pulp was finally released on Region 2 DVD in 2004.]

Mike Hodges declined to be interviewed at length for this book, but did talk about Pulp’s unhappy fate: ‘It puzzles and saddens me why it’s not on video of DVD. Some films seem to just get lost in the shuffle. Pulp is one. On the other hand Black Rainbow [a much praised but rarely seen Hodges film from 1990] is about to come out on DVD – so you never know! In a recent exchange of letters with J G Ballard, he voiced his love of Pulp. I’ve noticed that writers, in particular, like it.’

Reviews: ‘Hodges has not only got his distance in Pulp, he has also found a style and voice of his own. Always an adept actor, Caine is splendid here.’ – Time
‘A reasonably entertaining piece of rococo recall … at its best as visual camp. Caine … delivers his usual attractive turn.’ – Variety

Verdict: The word quirky could have been invented to describe Pulp. It shares plot similarities with Get Carter (1971), but it’s hard to imagine two more different movies. The first twenty minutes is a flurry of running gags and visual humour, with Caine’s world-weary voiceover a witty counterpoint to the on-screen action. After that, the movie settles into a slightly more conventional tale. The tone is uneven, but Hodges keeps driving the story forward fast enough to overcome this. There’s a succession of sub-textural references to the conventions of pulp fiction and cinema that are worthy of a thesis, but it’s the performances of Caine and Rooney that bring the film alive. Pulp is a cult movie in waiting.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Films of Michael Caine #19: Zee & Co (1972)

(US title: X, Y & Zee)

Cast: Elizabeth Taylor (Zee), Michael Caine (Robert), Susannah York (Stella), Margaret Leighton (Gladys), John Standing (Gordon), Mark Larkin (Rita), Michael Cashman (Gavin).

Crew: Brian G Hutton (director), Jay Kanter and Alan Ladd Jr (producers), Edna O’Brien (writer), Stanley Myers (music), Billy Williams (cinematography), Jim Clark (editor), Peter Mullins (art direction).

Synopsis: Swinging Londoners Robert and Zee Blakeley have an open marriage and separate bedrooms. At a party Robert is intrigued by Stella, a beautiful young widow. They become lovers. Zee responds by insinuating herself into Stella’s life. When Robert and Stella go away on holiday, Zee crashes her husband’s car. He comes back to her again. Zee tries to commit suicide. Robert saves her but considers letting Zee die to escape her mind games. Stella visits Zee in hospital and admits to lesbian tendencies as a teenager. Robert is due to spend the night with Stella but Zee drags him to a party and gets him drunk. Next day Robert argues with Stella, who wants to end the affair. Robert sleeps with his secretary. Zee visits Stella’s new flat and seduces her. Robert arrives to find Zee triumphant…

Irish novelist Edna O’Brien wrote Zee and Co as an original screenplay in 1970. The strong female lead character attracted the interest of Elizabeth Taylor, at the time a major cinema star. American director Brian G Hutton was attached to the project. The role of Zee’s husband Robert was offered to Caine, after Peter O’Toole turned it down. Susannah York was chosen to play Robert’s mistress Stella. In his autobiography Caine says the chance to work with Taylor was his main reason for accepting the role, but he never regretted making the movie. O’Brien had the opposite reaction after discovering her script had been extensively rewritten to include a lesbian finale. The enraged author claimed Hutton had butchered her screenplay.

The picture was shot predominantly on sets at Shepperton Studios with limited location work around London. The 14-week production began filming in January 1971. When Taylor was on-set she arrived with at least three limousines to carry her entourage. During filming Caine told the Evening Standard about his early experiences on the picture. ‘When we began this film both Elizabeth and I were nervous of each other. It was difficult because we had to go right into fights and love scenes rolling around the bed and we never even knew each other. But after the first couple of days we admitted that we were nervous. I gave her a bit of a hug – you know, not being familiar, but just to make human contact and we were fine after that.’

The actor discussed Taylor during an interview with the Cranky Critic website in 1998. ‘She was the most extraordinary actress to work with. Elizabeth has a memory like a rat trap. She never flubbed a line. With Elizabeth, she had it in her contract that she didn’t have to be in the studio until 10 o’clock. I was always there at eight doing close-ups on my own with a continuity girl saying, “I love you darling. Take your trousers off.” I remember saying to Elizabeth, “I know for sure that you are a great star and a real professional.” She said, “How do you know?’ I said, “You are a great star because you don’t have to get here until 10 o’clock and I know you are a professional because you are never late!”’

The picture required Caine to perform love scenes, but he refused to be filmed naked. ‘I think the public is sick of it,’ the actor told Photoplay Film Monthly. ‘I’ve never been fully nude on the screen because I don’t believe I have anything that anyone would be interested in seeing. Nudity isn’t interesting unless a girl is undressing for me, personally.’

Zee and Co was released during January 1972 as an R-rated film in America, renamed X, Y & Zee. Critics praised the picture, with Taylor’s volcanic performance getting most of the kudos. The film reached British cinemas several months later, rated X. It was nominated as the best English-language foreign film at the Golden Globes in January 1973, but lost to Young Winston (1972). A year later the picture was re-edited and reclassified as a PG for the US. Zee and Co has never been released on video in Britain and is not available on DVD.

Reviews: ‘Not in years have three people more deserved the star billing they get in this Love Story for adults.’ – Variety
‘The film gradually sinks into a quagmire of repetition from which the only way out is through melodrama...’ – MFB

Verdict: Few of Caine’s films have dated as badly as Zee and Co. This hysterical, overwrought melodrama is ripe with symptoms of a Swinging 1960s hangover. Try to imagine a cross between Austin Powers and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? – then make it twice as bad. Taylor chews scenery like the world has run out of food, while parading around in clothes that make you beg to be struck colour blind. Susannah York is both drippy and winsome while Caine is left looking angry or frustrated in equal measure. You can’t care about the characters but you can laugh at their turgid, torpid love triangle. This film deserves to be enshrined as a camp classic – there’s certainly no other reason to watch it.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Remember when Lost was appointment TV?

Yet another trailer mash-up: Brokeblade Mtn.

Films of Michael Caine #18: Kidnapped


Cast: Michael Caine (Alan Breck), Lawrence Douglas (David Balfour), Vivien Heilbron (Catriona Stewart), Trevor Howard (Lord Advocate), Jack Hawkins (Captain Hoseason), Donald Pleasance (Ebenezer Balfour), Gordon Jackson (Charles Stewart), Freddie Jones (Cluny), Jack Watson (James Stewart), Peter Jeffrey (Riach), Roger Booth (Duke of Cumberland), Geoffrey Whitehead (Lt Duncansby).

Crew: Delbert Mann (director), Frederick Brogger (producer), Jack Pulman (writer), Roy Budd (music), Paul Beeson (cinematography), Peter Boita (editor), Vetchinsky (art direction).

Synopsis: Scotland, 1746. In the aftermath of the battle at Culloden, Jacobite rebels are fleeing the forces of King George. The Stuart claim to the British throne is in tatters. Soon afterwards teenager David Balfour arrives at the House of Shaws, home of his uncle Ebenezer. The old man tries to arrange an accidental death for David. When that fails, Ebenezer has David kidnapped by a slave trader, Captain Hoseason. The 18-year-old is to be sold as a slave in America. But Hoseason’s ship runs over a boat carrying Alan Breck. The rebel leader was trying to reach a vessel bound for France. Hoseason’s ship crashes against rocks, throwing Breck and David into the water. The pair make it to shore and start walking to Edinburgh. David and Breck see innocent women and children murdered by government forces led by Mungo Campbell. They stop at the home of James Stewart, a former Jacobite. David is smitten by James’s daughter, Catriona. Next morning Mungo Campbell and his men come for James. Mungo is murdered by an unseen assassin and James is wounded. David, Breck and Catriona flee. Later they hear James survived and is going to stand trial in Edinburgh for murdering Mungo Campbell. David goes to the Lord Advocate and tries to give evidence that James is innocent, but the Lord Advocate refuses to listen. Unless Breck is captured, James will be found guilty in his place and executed. David inherits the House of Shaws after Ebenezer dies. Catriona begs David not to give evidence, or she will lose him and her father. Breck admits he killed Mungo Campbell. The Jacobite rebel surrenders himself, saving James…

In 1971 American director Delbert Mann was hired to shoot a new version of the much loved Robert Louis Stevenson novel Kidnapped. The tale had already been adapted for the cinema three times before, so the production sought a new approach. Screenwriter Jack Pulman drew on both Kidnapped and Stevenson’s sequel Catriona (also known as David Balfour) for his plot. Mann told Film Making magazine that most literary scholars considered the books had to be read together to be fully acceptable as classic novels: ‘Each depends on the other to give the reader full enjoyment.’

The movie was shot on location in Scotland over the Summer of 1971, using the working title of David and Catriona. Fresh from filming Get Carter, London-born Caine was cast in the unlikely role of Jacobite rebel Alan Breck. Mann said using a famous actor was important for a healthy box office. ‘Stars do still have a pull on the public. Michael, for example, is one star who can get the public in on his name!’ Stirling Castle stood in for Edinburgh Castle during the shoot, while the township of Kinross took of the place of Edinburgh circa 1746. Studio work was lensed at Pinewood, near London.

In the film’s official press book, Caine said he wanted to play Breck because Kidnapped would be seen by a far wider audience than most of his previous films. ‘It has a marvellous script by Jack Pulman, which is another reason why I accepted the part. Of course, I’ve had to adapt my Scots accent to make it sound easy and natural. It won’t fool the Scots, but I trust they’ll forgive me. After all, it’s my job to make Alan Breck easily understood by audiences all over the world.’

The funding for Kidnapped run out during filming and producer Frederick Brogger struggled to keep the cameras rolling long enough to finish. Caine deferred his salary to help the film stay solvent. Nobody was fully paid for the picture, and Caine rarely discusses Kidnapped. William Hill’s biography, Arise Sir Michael Caine, quoted the actor on the troubled production: ‘I never got paid for it so I refuse to discuss it. I’m a professional, and if I don’t get paid I don’t talk about it. They made it when they didn’t have the money to make it. I got a small percentage just so they would be able to release it, to get at least some money back on it. It was an absolute and utter disaster from beginning to end.’

The picture reached British cinemas in 1972, renamed Kidnapped and rated U. Critics were underwhelmed, but found praise for Caine’s acting, if not his accent. The film was not a box office success in the UK or the US, where it was rated G. Kidnapped was released in VHS in Britain during 1986 but has been deleted for more than a decade. It is much sought after by Caine collectors. The movie has never been available on DVD. [Update: Kidnapped was fleetingly released on DVD in 2005 and quickly deleted.]

Reviews: ‘Perhaps the fact that everyone eats so much porridge renders the script so constipated.’ – The Guardian
‘Disappointing version of Stevenson tale is made endurable by Caine’s pleasing performance as Alan Breck.’ – Maltin’s

Verdict: Kidnapped is a plodding adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson’s interlinked novels that never gets out of second gear. Some nice scenery and a few skirling bagpipes cannot make up for the lack of excitement generated by this workmanlike effort. The central characters stroll around Scotland, searching for the end of the film. Part of the problem lies with source material that has never been made into a successful movie, despite numerous attempts. Caine does his best as Highland adventurer Alan Breck, but struggles to master a Scottish accent. At least his presence gives this drab, lifeless picture some much-needed novelty value.

Heroes coming to BBC 2 - next summer

It was only a matter of time. BBC 2 has announced its bought the British terrestrial broadcast rights to the hit American drama series Heroes. Each year UK channels travel to LA in search of the next big hit. Some buy wisely, such as Channel 4 acquiring Ugly Betty, and others by shows that look gold but prove to be something that comes out of a golden retriever's bottom.

One of the biggest new shows this year was Heroes, an ensemble saga about a dozen people from different parts of the world who discover they have suddenly acquired superhuman abilities. The pilot is a little show and obviously didn't impress any of the major British network buyers, because Sky, ITV, the BBC, Channel 4 and Channel 5 all passed on the chance to purchase Heroes. Who snapped it up? The SCi-Fi Channel. Grud, they must be grinning like loons now.

Anyways, it was only a matter of time before one of the terrestrial channels recognised their mistake and bought the non-digital rights. BBC2 won the day and will no doubt schedule Heroes in the same sort of slot where it used to show series like Buffy. For those of us who don't have cable, digital or a satellite dish, that means waiting until next summer to see Heroes. Can't wait. Now, could somebody please hurry up and schedule Friday Night Lights on a British channel?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

What will you be doing in a year's time?

Last week I went to the post-graduation drinks for Screen Academy Scotland's Class of 2005-2006. The first batch of full-time MA screenwriting students have now gone back out into the world, in search of jobs, commissions and agents. For most of them, life hasn't changed that much since they were accepted for the post-graduate course in the summer of 2005. Several now have debt problems to overcome, having sacrificed work and income to do their MA. A few have made scripts they wrote on the course made into short films. To the best of my knowledge, none have secured commissions for screenwriting work as a consequence of the MA course.

But that's no surprise as it's still early days. The full-timers only handed in their final assignments in September. A week may be long time in politics, but eight weeks is not time at all in the world of film and TV. For example, I submitted my writing samples to BBC Scotland's soap opera River City back in April. But it was another five months before I got a response beyond acknowledgement of receipt. That's the nature of broadcast drama, it takes a long time for most things to come to fruition. The show has to come first and efforts to nurture potential new writing talent are a secondary priority - which is as it should be.

In September the production team of River City began choosing would-be writers from among the many unsolicited submissions it gets, and asking them to script sample scenes from supplied scene-by-scene breakdowns. Mine were for an episode that got broadcast on September 5th. Two and a half months later and there's a chance I might get some feedback on my efforts this week. If I don't get selected for the next stage of the new writer development process I'll be disappointed, but every professional in the industry can expect to be rejected more times than they're commissioned.

If I do get selected for the next stage [fingers crossed!], that's an invitation to participate in a two-day writers' workshop with the River City production team: writers, script editors, storyliners and producers. I think the next such workshop is planned for early in the new year. All the would-be scribes on that are given material for an upcoming episode and a week to write their first draft script - the same amount of time give to working professionals. From that, a few people might be talented and professional enough to get a first commission on the show.

It's a long process and there's no guarantees of success at any stage. I could be culled this week or I might get an invite to the workshop. I might get invited to the workshop but fall flat on my face there, or mess up the post-workshop script. The chances of making it all the way to a live commission for a broadcast episode are slender, at best. But there's still a chance, however slight it might be.

After six years of freelancing, I know you don't pin all your hopes on a single opportunity. That's why I'm still studying part-time for my screenwriting MA. That's why I spent six days of the last three weeks on a radio drama lab. That's why I'm working on a pilot script for a new returning drama series of my own devising, a project on which I'm being mentored by Adrian Mead. That's why I'm going down to London next weekend to take part in the TAPS script editing course. All of these are opportunties and all of them offer me a way forward, be it writing for River City, radio drama, television drama or becoming a TV script editor. It's a lot of plates to keep spinning, but I'm trying to maximise my chances of progress.

In a year's time I'll be going to my own graduation ceremoney at Screen Academy Scotland, hopefully to collect an MA in screenwriting. [It's my first time as a university student, so I'll definitely be doing the whole gown thing, no matter how daft it may look.] I'd like to think that by the time I get my piece of paper, I'll have gotten closer to one of my goals. Alas, I haven't got a crystal ball so I don't know what that will be yet. But I'm determined to make it happen. Onwards!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Tsk, that Chris Weston!

US creator Frank Millar is attached to write and direct a film version of Will Eisner's classic comic The Spirit. But that cheeky monkey Chris Weston thinks Miller should tackle another icon first...

Need cheering up?

Need cheering up? Like kittens? Then I have just the link for you.

Tony Jordan inverts Studio 60 - sort of

ITV announced yesterday it was developing two interlinked series created by Tony Jordan. ITV2 will be screening Echo Beach, a soap based in Cornwall, while ITV1 will broadcast Moving Wallpaper, a comedy-drama set behind the scenes at the making of Echo Beach. Putting aside the logistical nightmares entailed, this sounds like a British double-whammy version of Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. That's a comedy-drama set behind the scenes at the making of a late night satirical sketch show - but it rarely bothers to include scenes from the sketch show. Moving Wallpaper will achieve much the same effect, while over on ITV2 viewers can watch the soap being made in Moving Wallpaper. I can feel the infinite recursion causality loop folding over upon itself already. For more on this, check out English Dave's thoughts on the matter.

Fiends: Stalingrad - the plot synopsis

Hindsight's a wonderful thing in some ways. It allows you to see past events with greater objectivity and - hopefully - learn from past mistakes. Unfortunately, it doesn't allow you to go back and prevent those mistakes from happening. But there can still be value from reviewing what you've done, in hope what you learn informs future choices. That's the theory. Let's see if the reality holds water.

Two years ago I pitched a revival of the WWII vampire strip Fiends of the Eastern Front to 2000 AD editor Matt Smith. He wasn't excited by the story I was pitching at the time and it didn't get a commission for the weekly. Putting aside the flaws and cliches in my story, 2000 AD was in the midst of several old strip revivals and didn't need another. Timing is a significant factor when it comes to getting any commission. You could write the best asteroid tumbling to Earth screenplay in the world, but you'd have trouble selling it the year after Armageddon and Deep Impact hit cinemas.

I mentioned my Fiends in Stalingrad idea to then-Megazine editor Alan Barnes, who kindly asked to see the plot synopsis. He also turned it down - for many of the same reasons as Matt - but suggested I back up and have another run at it. The concept of vampires in WWII was fine, the Stalingrad setting was a fresh angle on the material, but I hadn't made best use of the unique setting. Besides, Alan wanted a series like XTNCT by Paul Cornell and D'Israeli, where each episode worked as a standalone story with a beginning, middle and end, while also being part of a larger narrative. The Megazine is only published once every four weeks and on-going serials struggle to maintain any storytelling momentum in it.

So I went back to the drawing board and came up with a new tale, to be told in six episodes of eight pages each. [The synopsis for that appears below.] Alan liked it and commissioned me to start writing the scripts. I'd completed the first two episodes in December last year when Alan left the Megazine and Matt took over, inheriting my Fiends in Stalingrad tale. Matt seemed happy to continue with the series but made one request: the Megazine was shrinking its page count and Fiends in Stalingrad now needed to be eight episodes of six pages each. Could I rewrite the first two episodes to take that into account? Of course I could.

I went back into my first two scripts in January and ripped two pages out of each one. This had the beneficial effect of tightening up the storytelling. Unfortunately, I failed to notice I had effectively written a two episode prologue. I guess if they'd appeared as a 12-page opening instalment that wouldn't have mattered so much, but spread over two issues it meant not much happened in my story for two months. Happily, Colin MacNeil's luscious art with monochrome washes compensated for the flaws in my scripts and ensued a positive, if hesitant, early response from readers.

Colin made a massive difference to the story. Once the first two episodes had been tweaked, I was left with four episodes of plot to be spread over six scripts. The need to create cliffhangers that would hook readers into wanting to know what happened next - while at the same time trying to create complete done-in-one plots for each episode - meant I needed more incident and more plot to fill the six remaining scripts. So did what all sensible writers do. I asked Colin what he wanted to draw. You want to get the best from an artist? Make them a collaborative partner in your story, get them involved and they'll feel more involved.

It was Colin who suggested sending Constanta and his unwilling German soldiers to the Mamayev Kurgan, a hill in the centre of Stalingrad. That gave me a new ending for part three and a new episode four. The old episode four got split into components, with some of it forming a new episode five and the rest being carried over into episode six. It was all building towards the creation of the Golem, a living weapon that Russian Jews were planning to use against Constanta and his vampire. Perhaps my greatest regret is how little screen time I gave the Golem, especially considering what a great job Colin did with its design. In the original plot [see below], there would have been half an episode devoted to fighting the Golem. In the end it got a handful of panels and no more - one downside of the shortened page count for individual episodes.

Back when I was creating my new plotline for the Megazine, I struggled to find an easy method of telling a story in the vignette style Alan wanted. I realised the flashback narration device Gerry Finley-Day had used when he created Fiends back in 1980 was the easiest method of achieving the clarity I needed. But I still needed a method of replicating that without copying the exact plot device Gerry had used of a dead man's diary. Eventually I found a solution: an interrogation, in the style of a film called The Usual Suspects. That delivers vast swathes of exposition but in an entertaining and enthralling manner.

Of course, once any of the readers realised I had used The Usual Suspects as an inspiration, they would soon suspect Constanta and my story's narrator were one and the same. Sure enough, some eagle-eyed Megazine reader did exactly that and said so online. I needed a different ending and, if possible, a better ending. I looked at my cast of characters and found one who seemed to have no purpose, merely lurking at one side of the story, making the occasional cryptic comment. The perfect solution!

Now that the whole story's been published, I can definitely see a lot of places where I could improve upon it: the double prologue opening, the paucity of Golem action, a few other moments of foreshadowing I could have slipped into early scripts to set up elements that paid off later. The change in episode format forced me to change a lot of the story, but I think it changed for the better, mostly. I'm not sure each episode works on its own merits, but the story as a whole flows reasonably well. I suspect the complete story reads better in one sitting. In an ideal world, some kindly soul would collect the 48-page story as a graphic novel. In the meantime, it's nice to have written a series for the Megazine that didn't suck like a black hole...

FIENDS OF THE EASTERN FRONT: STALINGRAD
SIX PARTS OF EIGHT PAGES • MONO ART

PART ONE
1.1 November 2nd, 1942 - Constanta versus the Golem – a battle between the vampyr lord and the giant of clay, watched from one side by German soldier Karl Richter.
1.2 Full page splash of Constanta and the Golem fighting.
1.3 Three months later – February 2, 1943 – the battle of Stalingrad is over. The Germans have surrendered, the last pocket of resistance in the northern industrial sector has been quashed – long lines of pathetic prisoners shuffle through the snow-covered ruins of the city – walking past them is a Jewish Russian interpreter Mariya Charnosova – she has been summoned to the ruins of the Red October factory
1.4 Mariya meets with an NKVD official – you will interrogate a German prisoner called Richter – you have one hour – after that he is being flown out of the city for a prisoner exchange scheme – one of the politburo member’s sons is being held by the Germans and is wanted back – the Germans asked for Richter – we want to know why – why ask me – you speak fluent German - so do many other interpreters – it’s because I’m a woman, isn’t it? – you may get answers others might not
1.5 She is introduced to Richter – call me Karl – he is blind – legs and hands wrapped in bandages – missing several toes – close to starvation – she offers to get him food – a cigarette will do – he chokes on the posh Russian fag – he’d gotten used to Soviet style roll-ups, made using newspaper – ask your questions
1.6 You were found in a tunnel beneath the factory – what were you doing there? – waiting to die – I was the last men left of a squad sent behind Russian lines three months ago on a suicide mission – most of the others were killed – I think a few made it out – I lost my sight and told them to leave me behind
1.7 Karl says he survived below ground by drinking melting snow as it run down the sewer walls – sometimes I caught a rat and would feast on that – appropriate, really – you know what we Germans call this battle? Rattenkrieg, war of the rats – months of fighting in sewers and rubble, living like vermin amidst the ruins – I never thought I’d see the sun again –he touches the bandage over his eyes – now I never will
1.8 Mariya says he’s being swapped for an important Russian POW – why? – how did the Germans even know Karl was still alive? – I don’t know, he replies - Richter begs not to be given back to the Germans – I know too much, you see – I’m begging you – if you send me back, you’re condemning me to death - keep me safe and I’ll tell you everything I know – start at the beginning, Mariya says…

PART TWO
2.1 Karl recalls his first view of Stalingrad – Sunday August 23 – he was part of a Panzergrenadier squad that had raced across the steppe from the Don River, reaching the banks of the Volga in the late afternoon - upon wave of Stukas and Heinkels had been carpet-bombing the city for hours – Karl and his colleagues cheered as German fighters did victory rolls overhead
2.2 Full page splash of Stalingrad being bombed - blazing oil burning on the river – fireballs and columns of smoke rising a mile into the sky – we thought victory could only be days away, now the city had been bombed into submission
2.3 Karl says they didn’t realise the bombs would turn the city into a perfect killing ground for the Russians to use against them – fast forward to September 27 as he is part of a squad advancing on the Red October metalworks area, advancing with a Panzer tank – the factory is completely destroyed – every window and roof smashed – rusted machinery twisted out of recognition – the Panzergrenadiers fight along a bomb-ravaged gully – Russian guardsmen launch a savage counter-attack at close quarters with sub-machine guns and grenades
2.4 Karl survives the counter-attack but is sprayed by the blood of his dying colleagues – the Germans retreat past a trench where a family of Russian civilians are living in no man’s land – Karl remembers a boy looking at him with hatred – I realised your people would never surrender – we’d have to kill every last one
2.5 The NKVD officer calls Mariya out of the interrogation room – has the prisoner mentioned the Rumanian? No – last October the NKVD began getting reports of a ruthless Rumanian officer taking charge of the German efforts to secure the factory district – Germans were so terrified of his wrath they began deserting to our side – what was his name?
2.6 Mariya mentions the name Constanta and Karl makes the sign of the cross – he is the one who wants me back for this prisoner exchange – I know too much about him – tell me, Mariya says, perhaps I can use the information to ensure you stay with us – Karl says he had been warned about Constanta from his brother Helmut, a radio operator in a Panzer – Helmut wasn’t specific, he said I should do anything I could to avoid Constanta – despite the warning, I started asking questions
2.7 Karl tells the legend of Constanta – some says he’s ageless, even deathless – he’s supposed to have lived far longer than any mortal man – he is Rumanian nobility, coming from the city of Sighisoara in the province of Transylvania – he leads a cadre of creatures like himself – fearless, near impossible to destroy – merely to look into their eyes is to know terror – they drink human blood for sustenance
2.8 Mariya scoffs at such notions – propaganda and lies, spread by the Nazis – Karl says he thought so too, until fresh orders came through – we were to overrun the factory district – win or die trying – our new commander was Lord Constanta!

PART THREE
3.1 Karl recalls Constanta addressing his new command, saying they must become like their enemy to defeat the Soviets – the Russians strike at night, so shall we – they use the sewers and tunnels in daylight to infiltrate our positions, so shall we – Constanta says they will take no prisoners, soldier or civilian – he has a young Russian girl brought to him – she was caught spying on the Germans – you German have refused to fire on civilians, now you shall learn how I treat all my enemies
3.2 Full page splash as Constanta sucks the blood from the Russian girl
3.3 Constanta tosses the girl’s corpse aside – we launch our next attack at dusk, be ready – the Rumanian officer stomps off, leaving the German troops to dispose of the girl’s body – one of them uses his bayonet to saw off her head – we don’t want her becoming like our new commander, do we?
3.4 Cut back to Mariya and Karl – Mariya scoffs at this tale – vampyr are creatures of myth and legend, nothing more – I was like you, I didn’t believe, Karl agrees – but what I saw that night left me in little doubt – Mariya consults with her NKVD controller – this man is delirious, delusional – keep him talking is the only reply
3.5 October 1st – Constanta leads Karl and others through the main drain running down the Krutoy gully, reaching the Volga bank. Constanta goes ahead to check, leaving the German soldiers to discuss their commander in hushed whispers – how can they fight alongside such a monster? He’s as bad as the Russians – what are they to do? They don’t notice the mist creeping back from the Russian positions until Constanta suddenly appears. Choose your enemies carefully, my friends. It’s time to attack.
3.6 They launch themselves at the Soviet’s positions from behind, causing carnage. Karl witnesses Constanta being shot and stabbed by bayonets without being wounded. Vicious, brutal action with the Germans getting the upper hand.
3.7 The Russians counter-attack, encircling and pinning down the Germans. A sniper is brought in and begins picking off the Germans. Karl watches disbelievingly as Constanta becomes a bat, flying off to deal with the sniper.
3.8 Constanta reappears among the Germans and leads them to safety, but they sustain more losses along the way. Karl almost envied his comrades killed by a Russian bullet – quick and clean. At least they could rest in peace. We would not be so fortunate – not with what the Russians had in store – first glimpse of the Soviet anti-vampire squad, led by the bear-like figure of Josef Charnosov, clutching a silver sickle, hammer and fistful of wooden stakes.

PART FOUR
Karl and his brothers in arms are horrified to discover Constanta is bringing more Rumanians into the squad, to fill the gaps. Matters are made worse when they find Constanta has permitted his brethren to feed on the blood of dying Germans. Constanta says this is merely another kind of sacrifice, no different than if the soldiers had given their lives on the front line. Karl is ready to launch a mutiny when their position is attacked by a squad of Russian vampyr hunter-killers, the Smert Krofpeet (roughly translates as Death to Blood-Drinkers). The Soviets are armed with silver sickles for decapitating the Rumanians, along with hammers to pound wooden stakes into the hearts of the enemy. The attack is finally repelled, but most of the Rumanians and many of the Germans perish in the battle. The Smert Krofpeet leader is captured, tortured and interrogated by Constanta, according to Karl. The leader boasts the Russians have another plan for dealing with the vampyr, he only wishes he could be there to see Constanta die. Karl says the Soviet’s name was Josef Charnosov. Mariya is shocked – she has a brother called Josef, he’s been missing since… since October. Karl says Josef is dead – killed by Constanta.

PART FIVE
Mariya storms out to confront the NKVD leader – that’s why you choose me for this interrogation, isn’t it? We had suspicions. Now do your job – find out what happened to Constanta – or else. The plane coming to collect our prisoner is only minutes away from landing. Mariya returns to questioning Karl: what next?
Constanta disappeared for a week, leaving us to launch another pointless attack upon the factory district. We knew winter would be upon us soon. Rumours were circulating of an imminent Russian counter-attack, but nobody knew when or from where. Russians have been seen gathering earth from the banks of the Volga, nobody knows why. Constanta returns and leads his men into the sewers. They emerge into an underground chamber where a Russian Jew and three other Soviets soldiers are walking in a clockwise circle around a giant clay figure on the ground, chanting a refrain: ‘Shanti, Shanti, Dahat, Dahat!’ Constanta attacks and the Germans follow, wiping out the Russians – but not before the last chant is finished. The Jew gloats as he dies: now you shall join us in hell! Mariya guesses what happens next – the creature of clay comes to life. How did you know, Karl asks? It is called a Golem – my people summon it in times of great peril, when we are threatened with extinction – it is monster born form the power of the Cabbala. Cliffhanger image of the Golem rising up, its body growing red like a hot fire…

PART SIX
The final battle between the Germans, Constanta and the Golem. Its touch burns the soldiers, but Constanta is not so easily stopped. He is caught in the Golem’s grip but grabs a stick grenade from Karl and thrusts it into the creature’s maw. The last thing Karl sees is the Golem exploding, apparently destroying Constanta – but a flying fragment of the burning Golem hit Karl across the eyes and blinded him. I crawled away to die, he admits, but somehow I survived – despite my own wishes. Some urge commanded me to stay alive, perhaps so I could tell you my story – you believe it, don’t you? I don’t know what to believe, Mariya admits. A staff car with tinted windows arrives just before dawn to take Karl to the airstrip. Mariya escorts him outside, apologising that she couldn’t stop him being taken back. Perhaps Constanta did die when the Golem exploded? I doubt it, Karl says, flashing his fangs at her. He gets into the car, where the driver is revealed as Constanta. He winds the window up as the sun rises over the ruins of Stalingrad…

ENDS.