What I'm listening to, what I'm reading

In To Views has posted an interview with me, asking questions nobody's ever put to me before. Read my answers here. For what am I listening to, I cited Dimmer's debut I Believe You Are a Star;
The Glare by David McAlmont and Michael Nyman;
and Me’Shell Ndegeocello's album Comfort Woman.
What am I reading? “Hello,” Lied The Agent by Ian Gurvitz;
The City & The City by China Mieville;
...and Asylum: Inside the Closed World of State Mental Hospitals by Christopher Payne.

I heart "The Big Easy"

BBC1 screened one of my favourite films last night, The Big Easy (1986). I've already got it on DVD, but meant to record the transmission as there are two endings, and I don't have my preferred finale on disc. Turns out last night's broadcast was the common, inferior ending. No matter - if you've never seen The Big Easy, do yourself a favour and watch it for free via iPlayer here.

It's a sexy, sassy film about lovable rogue cop Remy in New Orleans (Dennis Quaid) and his collision with uptight, by-the-book district attorney Anne (Ellen Barkin). There's a crime spree, corruption and all sorts of attempts at a Cajun accent. Some wonderful Zydeco music too, if you like that. Plus it's got a fully clothed sex scene that trumps the usual naked gymnastics.

Most screenings and DVDs of The Big Easy end with an explosion, before cutting straight to the credits. But there's another version where Remy and Anne trade some barbed quips (and Dennis Quaid flashes his taut arse, if that floats your boat). It's a great call-back to earlier in the film, and caps off the relationship with a deft flourish. Class writing by Daniel Petrie Jr.

So why isn't this version commonly available? It only adds 90-120 seconds to the running time, but adroitly pulls together a fistful of narrative threads while being perfectly in keeping with all that's gone before. I keep buying new editions of The Big Easy on DVD, hoping they'll be the full version - no luck yet. One day it shall be mine...

STV admits failing audience. At last.

Back in October I ranted about STV dumping most of the ITV network's drama in favour of low cost repeat and cod Scottish documentaries. STV did 'fess up to the fact it was all about saving money - opting out of broadcasting dramas like The Bill, Lewis, The Fixer, Collision, Doc Martin et al saved the company money. Instead of these, viewers north of the border got cheap imports and toss.

Well, it seems STV has finally woken up to the fact its viewers prefer quality over tat. Chief executive Rob Woodward told the Sunday Times to expect back some programmes dumped by STV in 2009. "Sunday night was our major mistake. We've underperformed and failed the audience on a Sunday." So STV viewers who can't get SKY, Freeview or cable can hope for better programming on Sundays.

But what about the rest of the week? What about the revamped Bill, or numerous other midweek dramas? When ITV screened its weeknight event Collision over five consecutive nights, the drama got a 30% audience share. Meanwhile STV broadcast a low-cost show called The Greatest Scot - and got a 13% audience. Sunday nights are not the only problem, STV. Wise up, you tossers.

Goal-setting and achieving objectives

For nine months during 2006-07, I was lucky enough to have writer-director Adrian Mead as a mentor [thanks to the excellent scheme run by Scottish Book Trust]. He's big on setting goals for your career, and using them to monitor your progress. So in May 2007 I set myself six goals for the next two years. Some I've achieved, others remain unmet or ignored. Time for a review, methinks.

1: Get an agent. Made a concerted stab at this end of 2007 after winning the Page Award for DANNY'S TOYS and finishing my screenwriting MA, but it was too soon and I lacked the portfolio or prospects to secure representation. Had a few brushes with agencies since - again, without success. Got a script on the desk of an agent right now, due to chase them mid-January.

2: Get more radio plays commissioned and broadcast. Alas, I haven't done nearly enough to even call my efforts since 2007 an attempt. Having said that, I'm got a meeting with a producer in January, so let's consider this a work in progress. What I wrote down 31 months ago still holds true - radio drama is a brilliant place to learn and be pushed as a writer.

3: Get my first TV drama credit. I predicted it would be on a continuing drama series like River City or Doctors - and Doctors it was. My episode doesn't transmit until next February, but I've got two new pitches on the produder's desk awaiting judgement, and five others in the works. Getting my second [and thrid, and fourth] TV drama credits are my goal now.

4: Develop and write at least two more TV pilot spec scripts. Only halfway done here. The new pilot I did develop was a finalist in the Red Planet Prize, but need to pull finger and come up with another two or three, if I'm honest. And write a bloody feature, if only to stop Lucy at Write Here, Write Now nagging. It's well overdue.

5. Get some work experience in TV drama storylining or script editing departments. Spent a day with Emmerdale in Leeds, had a lovely meeting with the then-executive producer of River City - but both came to naught. Have accepted I'm too old to get an entry level position in storylining or script editing, so consider this goal well and truly scrapped from the list.

6. Get into another script workshop and/or mentoring scheme. I suggested either the Moonstone course [now defunct, apparently] or the Lighthouse Writing TV drama workshop. Got accepted on the latter in October last year and learned immense amounts, even if the script I developed over nine months never took flight. You live, you learn - and then you move on.

So, what are my key objectives for 2010?

1. Write a feature screenplay.

2. Get another TV drama commission.

3. Secure representation.

4. More radio drama.

Most of those goals depend on elements beyond my control, but none of them will happen unless I take action. The feature won't write itself, TV and radio drama commission swill only come from hard work, ruthless discipline and a clear strategy, while getting an agent depends on finding the right person, someone who wants to champion my work. Time to get busy. Onwards!

Fairytale of New York - the original + 2 covers

My picks of the year for 2009

I'm today's guest on the wonderful Forbidden Planet blog, explaining my picks of the year. My comic serial of 2009 has to be Cradlegrave in 2000AD - contemporary, disturbing and utterly compelling. Channel 4 should be making this for a post-watershed slot right now, knocks Skins into a cocked hat any week day [and twice on Sundays]. Watch out for the graphic novel in 2010.

Dealing with a Friday F**k You situation

Fifteen years ago [yikes], the Judge Dredd movie starring Sylvester Stallone wrapped production at Shepperton Studios. There were long months of post to follow, special effects to be created, re-shoots to be filmed and more. Maybe people working on the picture had a feeling it was going to be a hit the following summer, maybe they didn't. Nobody knows anything, right?

Anyway, it was during production that I first heard of the Friday Fuck You. My boss was 2000AD's point man for dealing with the film, he fielded many of the random calls, requests and what have you that came from Shepperton or Los Angeles. Late one Friday evening he got a call from one of the producers, who sounded like a real cigar chomping megalomaniac. There was a problem.

I can't recall the nature of the problem, and it doesn't matter for the purposes of this anecdote. The producer perceived the issues as coming from us, and it was now getting dumped on to him. He asked if this as a 'Friday Fuck You' phone call, where somebody dumps a big, fat steaming pile of shit problem on to you last thing on a Friday, before vanishing for the weekend.

You spend the next few days spitting tacks but, eventually, your anger subsides. Come Monday morning, tempers will have cooled enough from the Friday Fuck You phone call for everybody to have moved on. Ideally, you want the FFY to be left as a message, enabling the dumper to make a clean getaway while the person getting dumped on deals with the FFY phone call's fallout.

Now that we have email, the FFY is so much easier. Compose a carefully worded email, wait until one minute before you're due to leave the building, hit SEND - and run. No muss, no fuss. It's especially effective if you've got to simultaneously got inform a lot of people that they haven't gotten a job, a place on a workshop or another coveted opportunity. SEND - and run.

The problem with an FFY email comes with being one of the recipients. Getting a Friday Fuck You can turn your exciting weekend into long days and nights of homicidal sulking, cat kicking and relationship raddling. So, here's a few tips on how to cope with getting a Friday Fuck You email. First of all, don't take it personal. [Easy to type, much harder to do.]

Don't look on it as a rejection, but as evidence maybe you weren't ready for this opening. Was your submission the very best thing you've ever done? Better than the dozens or even hundreds of other people's submissions? You'll never know, so don't torture yourself contemplating. Move the fuck on. You didn't get it, that's over, find something else on which to focus.

If you're a writer, you can't depend on others for validation - that's the path of madness, folks. Validate yourself, take responsibility for your own work. Concentrate on the things you can control or influence - your choice of story, your levels of skill and enthusiasm, the amount of effort you put in. Don't send stories out before they're ready, that just invites a FFY.

Remember that a lot of openings are driven by subjective judgements. I can guarantee your writing will not be beloved by everyone all the time. You will hear NO far more often than you hear that beautiful word, yes. Deal with it. Sulking isn't helpful, it isn't pretty, and won't get you want you most desire [unless you enjoy pissing off your nearest and dearest.]

Now, there is one long-term response that will probably serve you best of all. It's no use on the day you get a Friday Fuck You email, but might help later: success is the best revenge. Try harder, write better, improve your skills, redouble your efforts, refocus your strategy - and you will eventually succeed [talent permitting]. When you do, remember that FFY.

Remember the burning pit of angst and self-hatred that threatened to scorch your soul and psyche. Remember the lurch of disappointment, the quiet whimper of despair as hope was crushed, the venomous urge to hunt downl those reponsible for your rejection. Now, smile. You won through, despite everything. You proved something to yourself, and that's what counts.

Lastly, don't begrudge other people their successes. Be happy for them. Jealousy and envy are cancer of the soul for writers. They will eat you up and spit you back out, bitter and jaded and no good to anyone, especially yourself. Celebrate the successes of your writer friends. One day you'll having that glorious moment, if you work hard enough. FFY? Get over it. Onwards!

It was snowing first thing this morning

Only lasted a few minutes, but gave everything outside a lovely dusting - as if someone had gone made with icing sugar and the world's biggest sieve overnight. Feels like Christmas is nearly here, despite the fact there's no tree in the house [too busy to get one, let alone decorate it] and no decorations up [see previous excuses]. The year seems to have swept past in a blur of stuff.

In anticipation of the festive season, after hours viewing has been a re-watch of Aaron Sorkin's single season show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Some great eps, some okay eps, a few that just don't work. Sadly, the show never lived up to the promise of its pilot. Sorkin recently took the blame, putting the failure down to his writing - and htere's probably some truth in that.

Nevertheless, Studio 60 has a cracking trio of eps in the middle of its run, with the Christmas show a particular favourite. [Sorkin gives great Christmas, check out his festive season scripts for The West Wing or Sports Night if you don't believe me.] The Studio 60 effort featured a guest appearance by New Orleans jazz musicians displaced by the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Even if you're no fan of Christmas, religion or carols, I still recommend having a listen to the version of O Holy Night that aired on the show - and drive safely if you're driving anywhere anytime soon. Coming soon: a look back at the goals I set myself in May 2007, and a look forward to the year ahead. Let hubris be unbound and allowed to run rampant. Onwards!

2009: my year in review [part 3]

Recovering from stinking cold, slowly. Christmas looms up ahead like a great big looming thing and I've work that needs doing before then, so it's time to press on [no matter how crap I feel]. My breakthrough moment of 2009 has to be securing a first TV drama commission [read the lengthy tale of my journey to writing an episode of Doctors here].

I've no idea what my episode will be like. I believe there's some strong scenes, a few delicious lines. But my script is just one part of the finished episode, on which dozens of people have worked. The results should be on BBC1 mid-afternoon Wednesday, February 10th 2010. I'll be ready to pop open some champagne when my name appears on screen. It's the culmination of several year's work.

Back in 2005 I set off on a quest to become a TV writer. I'd had chances before, but blown them for various reasons - mostly lack of relevant craft and ignorance of the business. So I decided to retrain, undertaking a screenwriting MA at Screen Academy Scotland and various other courses. I emerged in September 2007 with a degree, better craft skills and more industry knowledge.

One thing I knew for certain: no writer is owed a living - you have to earn it. Two years on, I'm making a little money from TV writing. Got paid for storylining an animation project that's in development at a production company. I'm building relationships with script editors and executives at several prodcos. Being a Red Planet Prize finalist also got my name known in a few interesting places.

The Doctors script commission takes me to a whole new level. But it's only the start, the first of many commissions. Getting the job was no fluke, but I don't want to be a one-script wonder either. Now I need to secure another commission, prove I can deliver again and again and again. Only then I can call myself a professional, a working TV writer. There's a long way to go before that happens.

Getting the Doctors commission was a massive boost, but the lonely truth is that writers have to validate their own work. Take responsibility for your writing. Know when you've done good, and recognise when you haven't. Give your writing status, but always strive to make it better. So, here's to the hard road ahead. Onwards!

Stinking cold has arrived - bleurghhhhh

Had hoped to write another chapter of my year-end review yesterday, but the predicted stinking cold has arrived. Nose running like a tap, sinuses stuffed full of bleurgh, struggling to kept my head up. Spent yesterday in bed marking university assignments. Got to go in today, need to progress these. So the next part of my review will have to wait. Sorry, bleurgh trumps blog. Onwards!

2009: my year in review [part 2]

So, what have I been doing in 2009? Half the working week is spent as a part-time lecturer in creative writing at Edinburgh Napier University. Helping invent a new MA degree from scratch has been stressful and rewarding [often at the same time] - then the students arrived and things really got interesting. Suspect I learn as much from them as they do from me, but that's teaching for you.

My mum was a teacher [mostly within primary schools] and it was an avenue I could have taken after finishing high school. I've always had the gift of the gab, so talking to a room full of strangers doesn't give me the horrors. But I saw first-hand how hard teachers work, the long nights and weekends spent marking or preparing. Wanting to find my own path in life, I chose journalism instead.

Fast forward to 2009 and I'm a teacher, albeit part-time and at university. I applied for and took the job because it would give me financial freedom from hackwork. When I wasn't teaching, I could concentrate on purely speculative writing. Of course, there's never quite enough money to offer total financial freedom, but part-time teaching has taken the pressure off most months so far.

A project left over from 2008 swallowed most of my non-teaching time January-June this year. The TV drama team-writing workshop at the Lighthouse Arts Centre in Brighton was a challenging, sometimes mind-boggling experience. The script I wrote never got near what I wanted, but it was the journey that mattered, not the destination. I always learn more from mistakes, so I learned plenty.

Two other leftovers snuck into this year. The paperback edition of THRILL-POWER OVERLOAD, my mighty tome detailing the secret history of iconic British comic 2000AD, came out in February. [I was already making royalties from the hardcover, so this one's all gravy.] And a fourth edition of THE COMPLETE INSPECTOR MORSE emerged, though I still haven't seen a copy of it yet.

Some things I did during 2009 can't be talked about, due to confidentiality clauses. I read several fistfuls of scripts for Scottish Screen. Helped brainstorm an exciting mixed media project for BBC Learning, BBC Online and BBC Radio Drama. Storylined an animation project that could open manydoors, if it gets funded. Did my shameless media whore thing on Newsnight Scotland and radio.

I also had some visible successes. THE WOMAN WHO SCREAMED BUTTERFLIES was a finalist in the Page International Screenwriting Awards, in the short film section I won two years ago with DANNY'S TOYS. Ironically, TWWSB lost to a script by a Screen Academy Scotland student - which is where I first wrote DANNY'S TOYS. TWWSB picqued interest from a few people, something might come of it.

A much rewritten version of my WWII homefront continuing drama pilot script FAMILIES AT WAR was a finalist in the Red Planet Prize. That earned an audience with Hustle creator Tony Jordan and an invitation to submit ideas to his production company. Haven't made as much use of this yet, due to committments elsewhere, but am now grasping this opportunity with both hands.

There's more to say, but I've got a stinking cold coming and things that need doing, so it'll have to wait for part 3. Tomorrow I'll ruminate on my biggest writing success of 2009. Onwards!

Antidote to The X Factor: it's the X Husband!

2009: my year in review [part 1]

Seems a bit early in the annum for a review of my writing year, but I feel the need for a bit of throat-clearing, so here goes. I didn't write a novel during 2008 and the same thing happened again this year - could this be a trend? I'm starting to think so. Isn't always easy to identify a sea change in your writing while it's still happening, unless the new direction is a result of conscious choice.

In part my move away from prose stems from abortive projects in 2008. I spent way too much time on a putative novel for one publisher and got royally dicked around. Waiting three months for feedback, then got some half-hearted comments. Another week spent rethinking and reworking the lengthy proposal - only to be left waiting another three months for a response.

By that point I'd had a gutsful and walked. I don't mind being given blunt feedback, in fact I kind of prefer it [must be my Antipodean background]. But weak-arse nothings or radio silence don't do much for me. For example, I spent much of 2008 developing the first in a proposed series of novels based on one of Britain's most popular TV dramas. That also came to naught.

As a consequence, I've walked away from prose for now. I did write a Judge Dredd talking book for Big Finish this year. Enjoyed myself once I finally grasped the nettle and actually sat down to write it, but can't honeslty say I'm itching to get back to pulse-pounding right now. So my 20th [or 21st, depending on which ones you count] novel remains unwritten.

Besides the Dredd talking book [Stranger Than Truth, out now], I also had a Doctor Who audio drama released on download and CD this year. But Enemy of the Daleks was really a 2008 project, so that's old news. Come to think of it, I've been moving further away from the tie-in market. No more Big Finish on the horizon, no tie-in novels in the offing - and that's fine by me.

Back in 2005 I started a screenwriting MA because I was sick of doing so much tie-in work. Hackwork may bring in the bacon, but it's not that satisfying creatively. I chose to challenge myself, learn some new skills and make a concerted effort to get a winklepicker-clad foot in the door of TV drama. If that meant abandoning the world of tie-in books and audios, so be it.

That change of direction came to fruition in 2009, in more ways than one. I'm a lot poorer financially poorer for my choice, but much happier with my writing. Even scripting comic book adventures for The Phantom - one of my bread and butter jobs as a freelance scribe - has taken a back seat this year. I've only written a two-parter, although I've a synopsis to flesh out.

So, what have I been doing instead? Come back for part 2 tomorrow. Got a two-page pitch that needs my attention. Onwards!

NZ: The Italian Job homage, Kiwi-style

NZ: Siouxsie, Banshees & Robert Smith - live!

Waaaaay back in the dim mists of time, I was lucky enough to Siouxsie and the Banshees play live - with Robert Smith of The Cure as guitarist. He joined Siouxsie, Steve Severin and Budgie for a spell in the early 1980s [the Banshees went through guitarists like Spinal Tap gets through drummers], and toured New Zealand with them. Talk about your Goth icon overload. Set eyeliner to swoon.

The band played Auckland on Valentine's Day in 1983. The gig was at Mainstreet, a black hole of a place at the top of Queen St. February in Auckland is pretty much the height of summer, and even after dark humidity can be nasty. Don't know how Mainstreet was licensed to hold, but it felt like there were double the legal number. Even the walls were sweating. Set eyeliner to racoon.

I remember watching most of the concert from a mezzanine, standing on a chair to see. By rights I shouldn't have been there - it was Monday [a school night], and I was 16 [underage in a licensed venue]. But one of my brothers got me in, and got me home again afterwards. Next day was the school swimming championships at Jellicoe Pools. That was a long day in hell. [Set eyeliner to doom.]

If you're wondering about the photos, they are from that concert but I didn't take them. The photographer was Jonathan Ganley and all the images are his copyright, so please don't swipe them without permission. You can see more of Jonathan's amazing pictures at his blog point that thing. The Siouxsie and the Banshees [with Robert Smith] pictures can be found here.

More than quarter of a century later [yikes!], I now live near Edinburgh in Scotland. Thanks to the joys of twitter, I spotted Steve Severin linking to Jonathan's photographs yesterday. Following a link to Severin's website, I discovered he now lives in Edinburgh. On the other side of the planet, Jonathan's going to my nephew's second birthday party this weekend [happy b-day, Rex!]. It's a small world, folks, smaller than you think. Onwards!

NZ: The Goodnight Kiwi

Back before New Zealand had 24 hour television, this short animation was screened to signal the end of broadcasting for the day. If you were still awake when the Goodnight Kiwi went upstairs to the satellite dish for a kip, this was TVNZ telling it was time for bed. Bless.

NZ: where real men play the Stylophone

Saddened to hear Kiwi music legend and cartoonist Chris Knox suffered a stroke. In honour of him, here's a Radio With Pictures clip from 1983 of Knox [on Stylophone!] performing 'All of My Hollowness To You' live with the Tall Dwarfs.

NZ: where books come to life

NSFW: Peppermint Patti is funny how?