Sunday, September 20, 2009

Rant: why is STV run by a bunch of ****s?

Am going to get a bit sweary in this rant, so look away now if you find bad language offensive. Really. Leave this blog. Go elsewhere. Move along, nothing to see. Right, here goes...

Why is STV run by such a sad bunch of fucking useless c***s? Why do they insist on using captive viewers as pawn for their stupid fucking power games with ITV? What purpose does it serve to turn their back on popular and beloved TV dramas series that you can watch anywhere else in the UK?

It started back in March this year when STV opted out of screening the third series of detective drama Lewis. I couldn't understand why the Scottish broadcaster would cease and desist this immensely popular show. So I emailed STV, hoping for news that Lewis would be shown at a later date, at a different time. [This happens with BBC Scotland, which displaces shows in favour of local content. Displaced, but not dismissed.]

Here's what I got back from STV: stv will not be showing the new series of Lewis. Throughout 2009, we plan to opt out of the ITV Network more frequently, taking control of our schedule and introducing more Scottish-produced programmes and acquired series that will hold wide appeal across the country. We will be rolling out more exciting stv programming initiatives in the next few months, which we hope you will enjoy.

Sounds interesting, at least. But the reality's been very different - a handful of local interest documentaries, some tired Scottish films getting their umpteenth repeat - and a load of cheap, imported shite. The America version of Cracker [made in 1997]! Sundry Irish cop dramas, all them at least five years old. And old episodes of South Park, dotted around the schedule like unexpected animal turds.

If it had just been Lewis, I would have huffed and puffed but soon gotten over it. [Each new series of Lewis gets a swift DVD release, so there was hope on the horizon.] But the opt-outs continued, even accelerated. The Bill gets a zingy new look relaunch? Not in areas north of the border served by STV [i.e. nearly all of Scotland]. New episodes of Marple? Nope. The Fixer? Nope. Blue Murder. Nope.

Tonight the new series of Doc Martin launches - but not on STV. Instead we're getting Roman Polanski's film The Pianist. Again. Very fucking Scottish, I'm sure. Plus it's split in half with a news bulletin, because that's always such a popular move with viewers. STV, you c***s. I want my fucking drama back! I want new shows, shows from this decade, at least - not any old shite you pick up cheap.

By now, anybody still reading this rant will be wondering why I don't watch ITV's London feed via Sky. Or Freeview. Or on cable. Because we can't get Sky [thanks to interference from trees over which we have no authority]. Because we can't get the Freeview signal. And cable doesn't extend outside most cities in Scotland. All we get is the FUCKING, COCK-SUCKING SHITE BETTER KNOWN AS S-PISS-T-POOR-V.

I hear the entire STV drama department has been laid off, including the wonderful Eric Coulter. So all that money STV is saving by opting out of ITV network shows? Certainly not being spent on new Scottish drama. You want new TV drama of any kind? Try a DVD instead. Watch the BBC. Watch iPlayer. Just don't bother watching STV. They can't be bothered showing any drama anymore. None worth watching, anyway. C***s.


Anonymous said...

What a way to destroy a brand. They take away our favourite dramas and they expect what..?! Maybe they've cut a deal with Sky (the only ones to benefit from this mess). Probably though they're just sad, deluded tossers.


Andrew Tibbs said...

Have you tried fiddling with your aerial, maybe installing a booster. You should be able to pick up Tyne Tees in your neck of the woods - unless of course there's a big hill right outside your back door.

We use to get Borders when I was way down in south Cumbria.

Anonymous said...

They were showing Liverpool's game in the Champions' League when Rangers had a game on too. As Scottish as the Queen of England's tits as was heard on Blackadder.

They do have an exciting Roulette show on for three hours every night at midnight - hope you get your jollies there.

Linda Gillespie said...

Hear hear!! Mind you, Freeview should be available next year if the text service regarding the roll out is to be believed... maybe they will get the finger out in response to the public disgust with scottish (?) television.

Gordon said...

The STV Group (formerly the Scottish Media Group) are financially fucked. They've sold off the newspaper division. They've sold off Virgin Radio. They've sold off Pearl & Dean advertising, and all of it to prop up a desperately ailing Scottish Television.

They've nothing left to sell off, so the cuts are now coming directly out of the TV company.

Tom said...

Ha ha totally right. It started earlier than March though, they opted out of screening the FA Cup meaning they had to stick in filler programmes back in February while Liverpool and Everton's tie went to extra time.

The way they trail Fitz makes it more laughable. Robert Pastorelli's been dead for five years. They buried this show when they first screened it several years ago.

Overboard was on last night. A film I know they chucked away on a Saturday afternoon the last time it was on.

On a brighter note I understand Mr. Coulter is now working at River City.